My Husband Slept with my 14yr old sister and got her pregnent

[blair08]

Personally, I don't think I could lay down beside a man who was a pedophile and that is what is really considered if your sister was only 14.

 

I hope you find some self esteem and a backbone and get through this without feeling the need to be with him.

[MN randomguy]

I'm reading this thread. I'm trying to understand why your family is not together on this. Its such a mess.

 

I am very angry with the pair of them. She has been asking my brothers to phone me up to make me upset so she can use anything she can against me to the police.

 

It almost seems like you two are fighting over this guy. You've gotta have some self esteem. If you found a piece of dog poo in the park would you fight over who gets to hold it? Or have it in their bed?

 

I am in a mess, she just does not understand how this has made me feel. I don't want her to have it.

 

She loves her child regardless of who the father is. It is awkward for your sister to have your husband's child. There is a simple solution to this.... DIVORCE.

 

It helps that your son is not his. Knowing what you do now you should be relieved that he's not. This way your kids won't be sibling/cousins. Of course he's your husband and you have feelings for him.

 

Is there good friends, clergy, anyone in your life to lean on right now?

[marlena]

Thanks for answering the questions. I know how painful that must have been.

 

I really can't tell you what to do but what strikes me as being obvious is that you can never,ever be at peace or happy with this man, not knowing what he has done,not only to you but to your sister as well. He is not important right now. If I were you, I would consider him dead. Yes, that's right. You must dig hard within yourself and find that place of strength that all of us have if we look hard enough for it and sustain yourself and your child.

 

You are still very young and can still find happiness. Fortunately, your child is not his so you can cut all ties with him. In time, it will just become a bad memory. Good things may be in store for you, a better life if only you find the courage to walk away from this abusive man and to me quite possibly disturbed man. Most people have moral compunctions about such things as taking advantage of a young girl, however much she enticed him, even more so when it comes to a member of the family.

 

As for your sister, she is a child, no matter how "knowledgeable" she may seem. She is confused and scared. You both need all the help and support you can get. As for keeping the baby, if it were my daughter, I would definitely have her at the gyn's office yesterday even. No way would I chain her to a man and a child at the infantile age of 14. She is barely out of the playing with dolls phase.

 

The pain you are feeling is going to take a long time to subside especially if your sister keeps the child. It will be a constant reminder for the both of you and your entire family. Why inflict a life sentence on yourselves?

 

If anything, you should be fuming at this man. Allow this anger to work as a buoy to lift you up from the mire whenever you have second thoughts about him. I do not think that you can possibly still love this man. It is most likely an obsession and adamant fear of letting go with some hurt ego thrown into the mix. This is not what love is all about ...not healthy,productive love.

 

If you can't turn to your family, turn to friends,a counselor, us, anyone. You have a hard battle ahead of you but you can do it. Like I said earlier, you are young, so do not throw your life away.

[RecordProducer]

There has been talks about abortions, by police our parents even myself

The police talked about abortion?! Hm... interesting. Who reported them to the police? I find it hard to believe that they would let him get away with it.

 

She has been asking my brothers to phone me up to make me upset so she can use anything she can against me to the police.

Your own 15-year old sister?!

 

Why were your fallopian tubes removed at such a young age?

[catastrophe]

I think that the big problem here is that your husband cheated on you with your sister.

He cheated on you.

With your sister.

 

For those who have said "he's a pedophile," I don't think that is accurate. Pedophilia actually refers to someone attracted to pre-pubescent children. 14 isn't an undeveloped child (and is even the age of legal consent in many states). It is certainly a big difference in age for a relationship, and she may or may not be too young to have sex, but all that is a different matter.

 

What matters is, he cheated on you.

 

With your sister.

 

I think the only healthy thing to do is for you and her to get far, far away from him. I wouldn't talk to him. I would avoid any and all contact with him, and let your parents deal with him as far as the pregnancy goes (he should pay for at least half the medical expenses).

[IrishCarBomb]

I do not consent what he has done I know it was wrong, but what she said to the police was that she wanted to do this with him.

 

Consent should have nothing to do with it. Most jurisdictions impose statutory rape charges on 14 year old victims regardless of their willingness. Even in ones with lax statutory rape standards, the Model Penal Code still imposes the felony of Corruption of a Minor... so I don't know why the police paid attention to her consent.

 

I'm no expert on UK law, but my general experience is that they are more conservative than the US on "decency" laws.

 

This part of your story seems strange.

[swoodsward]

I struggled to have my son and since then, which was 8yrs ago. I have had problem after problem with my insides. They were that messed up, scared stretched and blocked they think that was one of the reasons I was having so much pain. I would not have been able to have children naturally anyway because of this. So they removed them.

 

My sister rang the police as far as I know and he has been charged with two counts of abuse. A sex offence with a 14yr old and the other was when she turned 15. That is a level 2 crime for 14 and level 6 for the 15. He is just waitong for the summon date.

[swoodsward]

That was what I was told by them, as I was taken into questioning and statemented regarding where I was in all this. If I was part of it or not. I could not believe they would questioning me about this. I had no Idea and I am still not able to know everything.

[RecordProducer]

IMy sister rang the police as far as I know and he has been charged with two counts of abuse.

Your 15-year old pregnant sister called the police?

[Jersey Shortie]

For those who have said "he's a pedophile," I don't think that is accurate. Pedophilia actually refers to someone attracted to pre-pubescent children. 14 isn't an undeveloped child (and is even the age of legal consent in many states). It is certainly a big difference in age for a relationship, and she may or may not be too young to have sex, but all that is a different matter.

 

14 isn't undeveloped but 14 isn't developed either. Someone that is 14 is still a child, mentally and physically. They are still growing, mentally and physically. So yes, her husband had sex with someone who is not done maturing. When someone is not done maturting they are still infact a child. He is a pedophile. And to sit here and try to rationalize with the OP that you think that she shouldn't be upset by this fact is ridiculous.

 

To the OP, yes you need counseling. Please go and find someone you can talk to. You were with a man that slept with your 14 year old sister. Is this really a man you want part of your life? He is a low-life. He disrespected you , your sister and your entire family. Please speak to someone as this is an event that is so out of the norm that anyone could easily understand having to talk about it with a professional.

[bentnotbroken]

I am so f-ing pissed off just reading this. God help me I do want men( and women) who help to destroy a child's innocence sliced and diced. They make me sick:mad:. OP stop now, go to the mirror, what do you see? Do you see a person worth so little respect, that a man could violate you and your sister and you still want him? Or do you see a strong woman who has been wronged by the man who promised to love and respect you?

 

You and your sister need counseling ASAP because you are both victims of a predator. It doesn't matter if she came on to him. As the adult, who has watched this child grow up, he should be protecting her, not molesting her. If it isn't in your character you can't hurt a child like that. Most cheaters don't want a child, this guy is a pedophile.

 

I'd like to send some of my more restraint challenged relatives after him.

[blair08]

I am the one who orginally said on the other page I felt he was a pedophile. So to the one who said that wasn't so, that's fine by me if you feel that way and have your own opinon on the matter.

 

BUT MY opinon is that he is one and I'll stick to that. She is still underage, weather she is 8 or 14 or whatever. She is still a child, whose mind and body is still changing.

[bentnotbroken]

I am the one who orginally said on the other page I felt he was a pedophile. So to the one who said that wasn't so, that's fine by me if you feel that way and have your own opinon on the matter.

 

BUT MY opinon is that he is one and I'll stick to that. She is still underage, weather she is 8 or 14 or whatever. She is still a child, whose mind and body is still changing.

 

 

I agree and it isn't just an opinion it is legal fact in most states.

[RecordProducer]

The first time I read the title of this thread, I suspected it's a troll. I am surprised nobody else finds this whole story unreal. Him sleeping with a 14-year old girl - happens. But she is his wife's sister, she gets pregnant, and most importantly, the wife wants to stay with him.

 

If this story is true, then this woman is sick.

[Jersey Shortie]

Or just has really low confidence and self respect for herself.

[blair08]

The first time I read the title of this thread, I suspected it's a troll. I am surprised nobody else finds this whole story unreal. Him sleeping with a 14-year old girl - happens. But she is his wife's sister, she gets pregnant, and most importantly, the wife wants to stay with him.

 

If this story is true, then this woman is sick.

 

To be honest RP, it did cross my mind it might be a troll post. There are some people though who would stay with someone who does these kinds of things, to me they are in need of just as much help and the person who does these things to others.

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

Well, your situation is pretty difficult but not that unusual. It's common for stepfathers and unrelated men in the house to abuse of young girls.

 

I know many single mothers that have daughters who are very afraid of dating or bringing men over to their houses because you never know. You have to watch out for that.

 

In that case, it seems like you are pretty naive not to have noticed.

 

Well, I'd say now the best is to be one big family. I doubt that your sister is going to want to have anything to do with him anymore (but you never know, she might even like him). And you have to see if you still want to be with him because most likely he is going to continue to at least being attracted to young girls.

 

You need to offer a lot of support to your sister, shelter, and talk. Because you obviously didn't talk before. Now is the time to open up and have understanding.

 

Good luck.

 

Ps: The girl is a child by law, by nature she is a woman. She looks like a woman is is about to have a baby.

[swoodsward]

Originally Posted by RecordProducer

The first time I read the title of this thread, I suspected it's a troll. I am surprised nobody else finds this whole story unreal. Him sleeping with a 14-year old girl - happens. But she is his wife's sister, she gets pregnant, and most importantly, the wife wants to stay with him.

 

If this story is true, then this woman is sick.

 

Thanks for your opinion. You can think what you want. You dont know me and what I am going through and it aint no troll post either. Why would I want to make up a story like that. I just had the world pulled on top of me and have been trying to get help for it for 5wks now. I have had nothing but critisim from people like you. I was given this web address because I was told it may help me to talk to people who did not know me and all some of you have done have give me bad remarks that I do not deserve. Thanks alot.

[JackJack]

What other "bad" remarks were you given? I have seen many people offer good advice, some of that advice might be hard to swallow though. I'm sorry that you're going through this, its a terrible situation to be in.

[Winnie B.]

He is Not a Human.He is an animal.Even worse.Sorry.

[RecordProducer]

I hate him for what he has done, but I still want to be with him through all of it.

How can you get understanding from people who are horrified by his actions when you are ready to forgive him for committing a major sex crime?

 

He may rape or kill somebody and you may still love him and be ready to forgive him. That's your problem. Don't ask from others to applaud at his crimes and you for loving a criminal.

 

Your son is also in danger of his molestation. If he has any desire whatsoever to have sex with him, then he'll be next. Nothing will stop him. Certainly not you.

[bentnotbroken]

Originally Posted by RecordProducer

The first time I read the title of this thread, I suspected it's a troll. I am surprised nobody else finds this whole story unreal. Him sleeping with a 14-year old girl - happens. But she is his wife's sister, she gets pregnant, and most importantly, the wife wants to stay with him.

 

If this story is true, then this woman is sick.

 

Thanks for your opinion. You can think what you want. You dont know me and what I am going through and it aint no troll post either. Why would I want to make up a story like that. I just had the world pulled on top of me and have been trying to get help for it for 5wks now. I have had nothing but critisim from people like you. I was given this web address because I was told it may help me to talk to people who did not know me and all some of you have done have give me bad remarks that I do not deserve. Thanks alot.

 

 

No one gave you bad remarks about you, but you can't expect people to not be outraged. I have children, as do a lot of people on this board. We have siblings(sisters) and some of us work with children who are the victims of people like your husband. You are in a terrible position, but you are also in a position to make positive steps in making changes, mainly getting this person out of your and your sister's life. You just don't like what you heard, but search your heart, you know we are right.

[stillafool]

I don't mean to be harsh but, it seems you are angrier at your sister than you are at your husband. She is a child. He is your husband, an adult, a cheater and a pediphile. Young people make mistakes like this. If he had any respect and love for you he would have nipped it in the bud immediately and told you about it. No, instead he seduced her young body and mind for his own needs. Don't think that if you stick with him through this that he isn't going to check out other "underage girls". He will and he has because this is his preference. Now he has a 15 year old as the mother of his only child. What a loser this guy is. Let him go now because I guarantee you if you stick with him through this he will think he can do anything to you he wants and you won't stand up for yourself. BTW, that bull**** about him being lonely is crap and I'm surprised you didn't throw that back in his face. Lot's of people are lonely but they don't f-uk on kids.

[EnigmasMuse]

Surely you don't think so little of yourself as to stay with a person of this character?

 

I'm sure that no matter what advice is given to you, you will do what you want anyway, but I do hope that you at least consider some of the advice given , and try to see things from other people's point of view on WHY they may feel upset or angered.

[Geishawhelk]

Thanks for your opinion. You can think what you want. You dont know me and what I am going through and it aint no troll post either. Why would I want to make up a story like that. I just had the world pulled on top of me and have been trying to get help for it for 5wks now. I have had nothing but critisim from people like you. I was given this web address because I was told it may help me to talk to people who did not know me and all some of you have done have give me bad remarks that I do not deserve. Thanks alot.

 

Listen very carefully to what I am about to tell you.

If you stay with this man, the message you are giving him, is that his behaviour is OK by you.

If you are prepared to tolerate or accept whathe has done, by staying with him, whatever you are saying out loud, counts for nothing.

Actions speak louder than words, and by remaining at his side, what you are indicting is that his will is stronger than yours, and you are prepared to tolerate what he has done.

Which may well mean his becoming more abusive in future.

 

Nobody has given you 'bad remarks'.

If you think they have, you should point them out.

But no-one is picking on you, or insulting you.

The one person victimising you, is your husband.,

He is making you into a victim, and is abusing your loyalty and affection.

This is what everyone is telling you.

Now, are you going to do the right thing by you and your son, and leave him, or not?

Because trust me, staying with him will empower him, and weaken you..

The last thing your son needs is exposure to a paedophile, and a mothjer who's weak.