Why do i only attract insecure girls?

[SoundTribe]

I recently noticed a trend in my life that pertains to my friendships and relationships with various women I've encountered in my life. Every single one of them, friend or girlfriend, has had divorced parents and were extremely insecure, not to mention wracked with emotional/psychological problems. Unfortunately, I never found out these things until it was too late and the damage had already been done.

 

Right now, I am trying to find out what it could possibly be that is making these type of women flock to me. Perhaps a personality quirk? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[Isolde]

You might seem really calm and stable and that seems like a haven for these girls, and then they get scared of feeling too secure and run away?

 

Conversely, maybe you're not particularly secure yourself and they feel a connection with that?

[Capricciosa]

On some level we attract people with the same underlying issues we have--it is a familiarity. The healthier and more secure you are the more like-minded people you will attract. How exactly haven't you figured out what to look for yet? Or is there something about insecure women that makes you feel powerful and needed?

[berrieh]

I recently noticed a trend in my life that pertains to my friendships and relationships with various women I've encountered in my life. Every single one of them, friend or girlfriend, has had divorced parents and were extremely insecure, not to mention wracked with emotional/psychological problems. Unfortunately, I never found out these things until it was too late and the damage had already been done.

 

Right now, I am trying to find out what it could possibly be that is making these type of women flock to me. Perhaps a personality quirk? Any thoughts would be appreciated.

 

If you attract insecure women, it's probably because you are - or seem like - a "fixer." Or you have some deep insecurities yourself. Or both of these things. You may also be attracted to the intensity of a deeply insecure woman.

 

I'm not sure what having divorced parents and being insecure have to do with each other (I know many children of divorce who are fine, healthy, whole people, and many insecure people whose parents are still together)... can you elaborate on why you felt that applied to your situation in particular? That might give me a more specific idea.

[Viking]

If you attract insecure women, it's probably because you are - or seem like - a "fixer." Or you have some deep insecurities yourself. Or both of these things. You may also be attracted to the intensity of a deeply insecure woman.

 

I'm not sure what having divorced parents and being insecure have to do with each other (I know many children of divorce who are fine, healthy, whole people, and many insecure people whose parents are still together)... can you elaborate on why you felt that applied to your situation in particular? That might give me a more specific idea.

 

Probably because given the divorce rate, he's had his share of GFs from divorced parents and they just happen to have security issues stemming from the divorce. Probably worrying about the whole, "If my parents can't make it, how can I???" mentality.

[berrieh]

Probably because given the divorce rate, he's had his share of GFs from divorced parents and they just happen to have security issues stemming from the divorce. Probably worrying about the whole, "If my parents can't make it, how can I???" mentality.

 

Interesting. I've honestly never met a girl who had those issues with their parents divorce. A few guys, maybe. But most people I know still got to see a functional relationship, even if it wasn't their parents. I'm a kid of divorced parents, and I feel like it gave me a lot of insight into how to make it work...but both my parents got re-married and the primary one (mom and stepdad) I grew up with was a very functional marriage.

 

OP: Are these girls you're dating children of divorce who's parents have never been able to make a functional relationship work with anyone? There could be some greater issue, or even personality disorder behind that, and those things are often genetic as well as impacted by growing up with a parent who has one.

 

How insecure are these insecure girls? Insecure is a broad spectrum... Most people are insecure at times. I have a friend who, for instance, attracts girls with BPD (borderline personality disorder). That's really done a number on him. For his part, I think he attracts them because of some things that happened in his childhood, and he has a savior complex towards women.