7 months in... She wants me back but yet she doesn't!

[wmast]

She'll always have feelings for you, they just aren't going to be the feelings you want. And really, do you want her to 'realize' her feelings by leaving you for some other dude, doing god knows what with him, and then if it doesnt work, youll work as a back up?

 

Listen man, I know where youre at. She gives enough mixed signals that you cant really make a definitive decision, right? I went through this for almost 2 YEARS! And in the end, you know what? My first instinct, and what most everyone here has said, turned out to be the truth: she wanted to have her cake and eat it, too.

 

Instead of worrying about your chances, you should just look at it like I view my ex situation: SHE has no chance with ME. It's been 7 months, how many times do you need her to kick you in the nuts before you see she doesnt have your best interests in mind?

 

She wants to know that A) someone out there cares, and she has a shoulder to cry on, and B) that you dont hate her. Nothing more. Any talk about being back 'someday' is a flat out lie. Yeah, youre the one she loves and the only one she sees herself with, but yet, she broke it off and is with someone else. See how nonsensical this reall is?

 

Close the door from your side and never look back. She seems confused and unsure, but above all else, she's being really unfair and selfish to you. You dont need that.

 

Thanks for your advice BCCA. You are 100% right!

She actually just sent me a text saying: "I believe one day we'll be able to tell our story like the movie 'the notebook'".

And that's all she put.

If I remember correctly the notebook story was about a couple who was separated by circumstances BEYOND their control. Her leaving me for another guy was a conscious choice.

I guess she thinks throwing me those little crumbs will keep me on the line waiting and waiting like before but this time I wont fall for it. Next time I'll just delete them without looking.

[kimflute26]

Ya.... The Notebook is a story of two people that always wanted to be together, but could not because they were seperated by distance. In your ex girlfriend's case, she left you and is now stringing you along in the worst way possible.

 

It's hard to tell whether she's evil, extremely confused or psycho. Either way none of it is good for you and she doesn't seem to be thinking about that at all. You've been right all along. If you communicate with her any further you'll continue to get the same run-around... Her words will never turn into actual action.

 

You mentioned that you're afraid of not answering her to attempts to contact you because one of those could be the time that she finally decides to be with you for real. Well, to that I would say this: Do not be satisfied unless she comes to your place, knocks on your door, says that she has left the other guy, and begs for you back. Only then can you even consider the slightest possibility of getting back with her. But until she does this (if she EVER does), remain NC. After all you've been through you NEED to have enough self respect to not put yourself through any more of this crap. You are worth more than that, and if she really wants to be with you she will do more than send a little text or an email. She will come to your house and do all of what I said previously. She will go the the end of the earth to be with you if she REALLY means what her mouth is saying. Good luck.

[wmast]

Ya.... The Notebook is a story of two people that always wanted to be together, but could not because they were seperated by distance. In your ex girlfriend's case, she left you and is now stringing you along in the worst way possible.

 

It's hard to tell whether she's evil, extremely confused or psycho. Either way none of it is good for you and she doesn't seem to be thinking about that at all. You've been right all along. If you communicate with her any further you'll continue to get the same run-around... Her words will never turn into actual action.

 

You mentioned that you're afraid of not answering her to attempts to contact you because one of those could be the time that she finally decides to be with you for real. Well, to that I would say this: Do not be satisfied unless she comes to your place, knocks on your door, says that she has left the other guy, and begs for you back. Only then can you even consider the slightest possibility of getting back with her. But until she does this (if she EVER does), remain NC. After all you've been through you NEED to have enough self respect to not put yourself through any more of this crap. You are worth more than that, and if she really wants to be with you she will do more than send a little text or an email. She will come to your house and do all of what I said previously. She will go the the end of the earth to be with you if she REALLY means what her mouth is saying. Good luck.

 

Exactly! Thanks alot for this reply. I need to stay strong with the NC

[SierraRose]

First of all GOOD JOB!

Sounds to me like she was expecitng you to just sit back and wait untill she sorted her life out. You didn't. You suffered the heartbreak, picked up the pieces and started living life again. THAT wasn't in HER plan. So now she comes back to sir the pot? She's still w/ the OM! SHE needs to get her head screwed on straight.

 

DEFINATELY NC...regroup and get back on track.

[wmast]

Update.

Last I spoke with her I told her that I wanted NC for good this time so that I could move on. She didn't agree, she said she loved me and wanted to work on things with me (same bs cycle for the last 5 months). Its always we talk, she says she loves me, she says she's gonna break up with the guy, then she disappears for like 2 weeks. When she reemerges she's still in the relationship with the other guy and then we repeat the cycle. I've finally reached my limit.

Anyway so I haven't heard from her since last weekend. But this morning I wake up to a voicemail saying; "hi, I know you don't want to talk to me but this is my new number. Anyway I was just calling to ask what your moms address was because I have a card to send her. Also I have something I want to talk to you about."

I know she's still in the relationship with the other guy so she's not calling to truly reconcile. I know she just wants to keep me in the cycle.

I'm pretty sure she has my moms addy. Not only that I'm curious as to why she changed her number but I won't let the curiosity kill me.

No response the best way to go right?

Any additional thoughts?

Thanks

[diggy]

Hmmm...tough situation man, in my opinion there is only one thing to do.

 

Set up a coffee date with her just to catch up but also to have a serious talk.

Agree to meet her at some place, but when you meet her there, take her to your car and take a drive to some isolated place with no distractions.

 

It is a make or break, no inbetween.

Tell her that you are crazy about her, and exactly how you feel, you are totally in love with her and will protect and love her till the end of time, but...if this is not how she feels then you are willing to let go.

 

You are a man, your time is precious and you are not wanting to be messed around.

 

She must make up her mind, either she wants to be with you or she doesnt, if she does, she must stop dating this other guy right away, and get her life aligned with yours.

 

Its that simple.

 

give her maybe a week to decide, no contact inbetween that week, and agree to meet at a certain spot in a weeks time if she wants to be with you.

 

As much as it would hurt, if she does not want to be with you with all her heart, it is better to stop now and move on, because otherwise she may just find another man a few months or years down the line and you will have invested so much more of your life!

 

Hope this helps

All the best!