lolcat Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 Nobody ever seems to be attracted to me... At all. For shure not anyone I am also attracted to. I've got many female friends and we always have fun together. Often, they ask me what type of girl I like, and I usually duck the question, but last night I said I wanted a positive, nice, and not unintelligent girl. They said that seemed "realistic." I wondered what they meant. They added to the criteria that the girl had to love cats, because I love cats. To describe myself for a bit. I'm 20 and have never been in a relationship. (For a long time I never had female friends either, but now I have a lot). I am possitive, nice, and pretty smart. I am a shy at first but am always attracted to more extroverted girls. I'm not particularly healthy, but I'm at least skinny and of average to above average strength. I am probably most known for my excesses. For example, I don't just drink soda. I drink 8 cans of Coca-Cola almost every day. When I drink, I usually end up drinking a lot. And my humor normally ends up fairly over the top, too. Once I had my criteria, the girls applied it to each other and the other girls at the party. Every time someone met all the criteria, they would veto themselves with the joke criteria that we added to the end. Obvious sign of unattraction... How can I act to be more attractive, without changing my personality? (and I realize that these girls will probably never be attracted to me, which is fine because i like being their friends). P.S. I posted something similar to this at the end of my other thread but I think it is different enough that I should give it its own. Link to post Share on other sites
Benique Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 Do not change your personality.No need in that . You seem to be rather positive indeed. Change your attitude . Attitude to girls,jokes,behavior. Let your girls feel you are a gentleman. Let your jokes become wittier. Let your behavior be just free . Best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author lolcat Posted December 7, 2008 Author Share Posted December 7, 2008 Yup I have no intention of changing my personality. I think your post is starting to get to the heart of my question. But do you have any more concrete examples. i.e. I already feel like I am a "gentleman" at least in the sense that I am respectful and polite to women. The other ones seem a harder to even really figure out. Thanks for the luck! Link to post Share on other sites
IrishCarBomb Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 Obvious sign of unattraction... No. Do you really think they can say with all honesty: "Yes... your short criteria to evaluate women is spot on a description of me, and it's wonderful because I really have a crush on lolcat. I'm glad we played this game and let's go make out." Sounds like you just don't have any confidence towards women--a key personality trait when initiating a relationship. Without changing that facet of your personality, other changes won't have nearly as big of an effect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lolcat Posted December 8, 2008 Author Share Posted December 8, 2008 Thanks IrishCarBomb! You do seem to have a very good point. And I agree that at least when it comes to this sort of relationship I don't have confidence--I have no experience so I'm always convinced I have no idea what I am doing. Do you have any advice on how exactly I can "change that facet of [my] personality"? Without concrete advice of some sort, I don't think I will necesesarily figure it out particularly soon (though I think at this point it will inevitably happen--I've come so far even with just friendship in the last couple months). I would like to hurry it up. The other good thing is that I think I pulled it off fairly well, in this case. She asked something about if that last criteria was primary or secondary and I joked that I just used it to veto people when I wasnt that into them or something to that extent. With me at least, the less interested I seem, the more interested the girls always seem. THANKS! Link to post Share on other sites
IrishCarBomb Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 I have no experience so I'm always convinced I have no idea what I am doing. Nobody really knows what they're doing. It's about being sure of yourself, knowing that you offer what a woman wants, and just taking the chance. I cannot give you a concrete example of how to do it--it's just something you have to internalize. You aren't asking a small change in yourself. Your thought process and social interactions are deeply seeded in your head, changing them is not going to be a simple step-by-step process. It's going to require a lot of self-awareness on your part, a lot of discipline, and possibly a lot of frustration. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 Not sure if drinking 8 cans of soda everyday is such a good idea. I think something like that can give you diabetes. Link to post Share on other sites
The Collector Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 Thanks IrishCarBomb! With me at least, the less interested I seem, the more interested the girls always seem. That's often the way. Many women like a challenge. Unlike men, they rarely want to logically agree on similar interests then date, they want a fun game - so you have to bring that attitude. They often like to be teased, work on that. But your biggest hurdle is self-image. You see yourself as a weird guy who doesn't know what he's doing. Well first, women often like 'weird.' But they don't like insecure. You need to think of yourself as a THE PRIZE, the one they should be fighting each other over. Easier said than done with no experience, but fake it til you make it. Link to post Share on other sites
GoneButNotForgotten Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 collector is right. You have to have the confidence to see yourself as the one being the better one. There are plenty of average looking guys with amazing looking women. And despite what a lot of people think it isn't money that attracts them a lot of the time. And you don't even really have to be comfortable in your own skin. Just appear to be. I noticed that when I had a girlfriend I had much more women attracted to me. It wasn't that I was taken that attracted them, it was my sense of I don't really care if they want me or not. Being able to walk away easily is something that can drive a woman up the wall. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazy.S Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 It sounds like you need to spend less time with those girls. If you are hoping to get one of your friend girls to see you more seriously, I think you are out of luck. You should meet new people and keep your personality. Just show that you have the confidence and make your intentions straight, so you won't end up just as friend again. Link to post Share on other sites
m-j Posted January 3, 2009 Share Posted January 3, 2009 Just be yourself, you seem genuine and good-hearted and playful don't be a jerk, dont put girls down (unless its very playful and like a backhanded compliment: a good example is to say "your hair would look better up/down", that way you are saying she has potential for you to be attracted to her but you are saying it completely neutral like friendly advice. she will want you to find her attractive after that!!) if you really like a girl, dont have 5 other girls on the side in case it doesnt work with the first one. and remember to ignore her for as long as possible, talk to everyone except her. be the life of the party, talk to everyone, be everyones friend....she will want you. make sure you go back to her before she gives up! and be confident!!! fake it until you are really confident. and girls love to be pursued. and yes, ditch the soda for 8 glasses of water a day. no girl wants an unhealthy guy to look after her and be her man. look after YOURSELF. dont go out and have sex with someone just to "cure your shyness". i'd rather be the first girl with an awkward guy (and be able to teach him how to please me) than with a confident knowledgable guy that has had lots of sex with randoms. keep your self-worth high and other people will realise you're worth their while too. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts