I'm a "Loser" according to them

[Tabatha]

hey community, it's been a while.

 

My brother and uncle were talking on the phone. I picked up to see what they were talking about and to say hello, when I got a chance to jump in the conversation. As soon as I turned the phone on, my uncle asked who was at home at my house. My brother said "Mom, hannah, samantha, and tabatha...everybody....even loser is here!"

 

my uncle replies with, "Tabatha does not have to be there to not be a loser!"

 

That hurt my feelings. I yelled at my brother and said, "Screw you Erik, I'm not doing anything for you ever again!" and hung up. I was upset because that was totally uncalled for.

 

I sat there for a few minutes thinking about it. And decided to pick up again. My uncle was telling my brother bye, and he was making fun of what I said. Telling Erik that I do nothing for him anyways, so "watch out".

 

I enlisted in the Army 11-06-2008 and i can't even make my family happy.

The fact that I will be part of something, that will involve protecting our country if need be, doesn't phase them one bit. The only one who seems to be proud of me is my boyfriend.

 

YEA, I haven't had a steady job since February 2008.

I've tried so hard to get a job. I put in about 15 applications one week in September and only Big Lots called me back! 1 out of 15 applications!

 

YEA, I've lived with my mom rent free and ate her food since February 2008. But my Uncle tells her to throw me out onto the street and fend for myself! He's the one that said if he saw me out on the streets poor, he would pass me without looking my direction.

 

What right does he have to judge though? At my age he was a lazy young adult, doing hard core drugs, no job, and being a theif!!!

 

He says God Blessed him with a house and nice things but yet he has my step dad and cousin living under his roof paying rent that practically covers his mortgage. He stole belongings from his on and off again girlfriend and claims them as his own saying she has nothing belonging to her in HIS house. He and my cousin last year stole a jacuzzi cover from Home Depot from the parking lot when no one was looking! God Blesses him. Yeah right! He TAKES and STEALS!!!!

 

I'm atleast going to make an honest living with the military. I'm going to go to school and have money for college. I'm going to have a Career, and he's going to still clean pools until he's 65.

 

I've messed up and made alot of the wrong choices in life. But I will be making up for it when I come out of the Basic Training as a Stronger more Driven Individual.

[Ronni_W]

Hi Tabatha.

Other people can't turn you into a "loser" (or a "winner" for that matter) just with their opinions and words. If YOU believe that you are a winner, then you are a winner.

 

Yes, it is hurtful when others don't understand us, or demonstrate their ignorance of our 'good stuff' (through their hurtful words.) At those times, hold onto what you know about yourself...your strengths, values and goals. Make lists, or re-read the lists you've already made.

 

Appreciate all the stuff you've learned from your past -- from your wise and not-so-wise decisions and actions. Respect where you are, but especially where you want to go.

 

IMO, the real "losers" on this planet are those people who have so much self-disgust and feel like such total losers that they have to project all their self-hostility onto others...call them names and the like.

 

It is hurtful to find out that some people you love don't love you for exactly who you are. They need a scapegoat for their crappy self-feelings, and seem to have targeted you. My guess is cos they know that you ARE going places, and they resent (are jealous) of your strengths, values and goals...because they don't possess those things even though they'd like to (at least, they simply can't see their own 'good stuff', not really that they don't have any.)

 

Hugs. Stay strong in your own strength and self-appreciation!

[melodymatters]

 

I enlisted in the Army 11-06-2008 and i can't even make I've messed up and made alot of the wrong choices in life. But I will be making up for it when I come out of the Basic Training as a Stronger more Driven Individual.

 

 

Thats right tabatha ! I believe that you will, and as long as YOU believe that, who cares what anyone else thinks !

 

I have always been a free spirit, taken crazy chances, which have resulted in some great things, and some losses as well, but life is meant to be lived.

 

people will always be judgemnetal, but ultimately it's YOUR life.

 

LIVE IT !!!!!!

[Tabatha]

Hi Tabatha.

Other people can't turn you into a "loser" (or a "winner" for that matter) just with their opinions and words. If YOU believe that you are a winner, then you are a winner.

 

Yes, it is hurtful when others don't understand us, or demonstrate their ignorance of our 'good stuff' (through their hurtful words.) At those times, hold onto what you know about yourself...your strengths, values and goals. Make lists, or re-read the lists you've already made.

 

Appreciate all the stuff you've learned from your past -- from your wise and not-so-wise decisions and actions. Respect where you are, but especially where you want to go.

 

IMO, the real "losers" on this planet are those people who have so much self-disgust and feel like such total losers that they have to project all their self-hostility onto others...call them names and the like.

 

It is hurtful to find out that some people you love don't love you for exactly who you are. They need a scapegoat for their crappy self-feelings, and seem to have targeted you. My guess is cos they know that you ARE going places, and they resent (are jealous) of your strengths, values and goals...because they don't possess those things even though they'd like to (at least, they simply can't see their own 'good stuff', not really that they don't have any.)

 

Hugs. Stay strong in your own strength and self-appreciation!

 

Thank You Ronni!

 

I've always believed that my uncle and aunts were ignorant to people like me and others because they are miserable with their lives and themselves.

 

A happy person does not treat other people like scum. A happy person wants others to feel good, because they feel good.

 

I'm happy with my relationship and my boyfriend.

I'm not happy with my family and where I am living.

But soon things will change. Not tomorrow and not next week or next month. But soon. I will be happy 100% with all aspects of my life when I complete basic training, when I complete advanced individual training, and when I get to purchase a home with my boyfriend this time next year!

 

That thought makes me happy. That thought is what keeps me motivated. That thought that will turn into an actuality.

[Tabatha]

Thats right tabatha ! I believe that you will, and as long as YOU believe that, who cares what anyone else thinks !

 

I have always been a free spirit, taken crazy chances, which have resulted in some great things, and some losses as well, but life is meant to be lived.

 

people will always be judgemnetal, but ultimately it's YOUR life.

 

LIVE IT !!!!!!

 

I plan on it!

Can't wait to get on my feet and have fun on my own. I have alot of ideas of what I want to do when I complete my training.

[Ronni_W]

A happy person does not treat other people like scum. A happy person wants others to feel good, because they feel good.

Yes, exactly!

When people try to vomit all their self-hatred onto me, I try to remember to feel a bit of compassion for them, for exactly the reason that you said -- if they were feeling happy with themselves, they wouldn't need to (try to) crap all over MY happiness.

 

It's challenging cos the happier and more successful YOU get, the more they are gonna resent it. But. So what? You're not their therapist. If they have emotional healing to do and self-esteem to find, they'll need to go and hire a professional, right?

 

Those are some terrific positive affirmations -- add them to your list of strengths, values and goals...and read them every day, as often as you need to .

 

Best of luck with Basic Training...and a HAPPY HAPPY Holiday Season

[pwincess]

it hurts when people hurt us but it hurts even more when its our family. you might be feeling really helpless right now but God sees everything and he knows everything. your uncle might seem blessed because of the things he owns but having material things dont compare to the spiritual Blessings God bestows upon us. Have faith, God loves you. Our trials and tribulations are test from God so dont lose hope.

 

Bless you.

[You'reasian]

He says God Blessed him with a house and nice things but yet he has my step dad and cousin living under his roof paying rent that practically covers his mortgage. He stole belongings from his on and off again girlfriend and claims them as his own saying she has nothing belonging to her in HIS house. He and my cousin last year stole a jacuzzi cover from Home Depot from the parking lot when no one was looking! God Blesses him. Yeah right! He TAKES and STEALS!!!!

 

I'm atleast going to make an honest living with the military. I'm going to go to school and have money for college. I'm going to have a Career, and he's going to still clean pools until he's 65.

 

I've messed up and made alot of the wrong choices in life. But I will be making up for it when I come out of the Basic Training as a Stronger more Driven Individual.

 

Keep your chin up, soldier

 

The U.S. economy shed around 1.5 million jobs and has been shedding them during most of 2008. Economists from the big banks say that the economy may not turn around until mid 2009 - so be thankful that you are gainfully employed for an organization that will teach you alot about yourself and our nation. There are some interesting jobs in the Army as well, probably some new ones that recruiters aren't aware of....

 

Are you in the DEP program?

[Mary3]

Your uncle sounds like a totally cruel and selfish man. ( I would say another word but won't )

 

He steals everything thats in his house. He takes from others and HDepot to get his house the way it looks.

 

He smirks but he does not really know that he TOO can lose everything in this tumbling economy.! Its people like him that point to the suffering but he will get his payback two~fold !

 

You are a great girl ! You tried hard to look for work. The economy as you know has little in the way of employment. Except Police Officer and Long Distance Truck Drivers. Both are in demand in most cities.

 

You are not weak because you can't find work. You are doing the best you can.

 

Your uncle needs to go suck a lemon .

[BB-D]

Tabatha:

 

I don't know the whole situation at home, but from what I see you aren't a bad person. We are all human, and none of us are perfect so I wouldn't take what your uncle and brother are saying with any weight. I think what you did joining the armed services is admirable, but please do it for yourself. If you are looking for approval from people who don't respect you, you'll be disappointed. You could just as well have gone off to school, but you made a life altering decision and chose the military.

 

Keep your spirits up, and believe in what you're doing. You are the one who has to make the difference now. When you've accomplished your goal, you'll feel a lot better and I think your family will finally respect you more for your decision.

 

God Bless you and be safe.

[Tabatha]

Thank You everyone for your kind words and support!

 

I was talking to my uncle on the phone Sunday night to see if I could go visit with him and my cousin.

 

Basically all he said was:

That he doesn't think I will make it through Basic. "But it will be a learning effort".

That he doesn't want anything to do with me because I "Burned my bridges".

He doesn't care about my well being.

Again, I'm a "Loser".

The family is disappointed in me.

My boyfriend is a "Loser" and "Piece of ****" that he is going to one day put in the hospital. It may not be now, he says, it can be three years from now. "Woodstock is not a big town".

 

I put all that aside and went over for dinner. I was hungry, my mom wasn't home, so I braved it. He didn't really say anything negative to me the whole time I was there.

He's very negative towards me when ever I talk to him on the phone though or other times that he's seen me. He is taking my cousin, my former step dad, my twin sister, my brother, and my little sister Skiing on Christmas and I'm not invited. The only thing he said to me when I was there was, "See what happens when you turn on your family" pointing to the computer screen with the Ski Slopes of Chalahoochee.

 

My response, "So"

 

 

 

 

 

Tabatha:

 

I don't know the whole situation at home, but from what I see you aren't a bad person. We are all human, and none of us are perfect so I wouldn't take what your uncle and brother are saying with any weight. I think what you did joining the armed services is admirable, but please do it for yourself. If you are looking for approval from people who don't respect you, you'll be disappointed. You could just as well have gone off to school, but you made a life altering decision and chose the military.

 

Keep your spirits up, and believe in what you're doing. You are the one who has to make the difference now. When you've accomplished your goal, you'll feel a lot better and I think your family will finally respect you more for your decision.

 

God Bless you and be safe.

[You'reasian]

When do you ship out for Basic?

[Shnuggles]

Even if you dont stick with the military long term, it will give you a start in life. Good stuff Tabatha!

 

People freak when I tell them I don't get along with my mother. In truth, just because someone is family doesnt mean we have to like or even love them. Prove to them you are a winner and if that doesnt work, shed them from your life.

 

IMO anyway.

 

Best wish's!

[Living_A_Fantasy]

Tabatha, my heart goes out to you. It's people like you who perserveer and don't give up that have kept human civilization going throughout the ages. I'll offer up what advice I can give, but it may not be the best, since I've not really experienced life yet. I'm just another teenager.

 

If those people treat you like this, then they aren't your family. You don't have to prove anything to them. This may not be what you want to hear, because loss of something as integral as a family is a major blow, but those people aren't your family. So don't go through basic training, or advanced training, or anything to prove anything to them. Do it for youself. Do it for yourself, and the family you are going to create with your loving boyfriend to-be husband. Do it for your grandchildren, and thier grandchildren. Make sure that this never happens to anyone in your family. Your family, not those people. Your family, Tabatha. I hope I've been of some help.

[Tabatha]

Happy new Years!!

 

When do you ship out for Basic?

 

February 4, 2009. I have 1 month and 2 days left.

 

Shnuggles: This is what I believe to. They call me a traitor for taking sides with my boyfriend, when they act out and threaten him. My boyfriend has actually made me happier as an adult, than my family has my whole life.

 

Living_A_Fantasy: Even though my boyfriends parents and sister see what he goes through and don't approve of how my mom and family treat him, they have always taken care of me when I needed it. They've always gave me a place to spend the holidays, even when I was excluded from my own families gatherings. They give me support and advice when I need it, and it's unbiased, unlike my mothers. My boyfriend is the only person i feel the most comfortable with, and I consider him my family more than my mother, brother, aunts, uncle, cousins and sisters

[BlueHarvest]

Your life is what you make it. Sounds like you are on the right track.

[You'reasian]

 

February 4, 2009. I have 1 month and 2 days left.

 

Shnuggles: This is what I believe to. They call me a traitor for taking sides with my boyfriend, when they act out and threaten him. My boyfriend has actually made me happier as an adult, than my family has my whole life.

 

Living_A_Fantasy: Even though my boyfriends parents and sister see what he goes through and don't approve of how my mom and family treat him, they have always taken care of me when I needed it. They've always gave me a place to spend the holidays, even when I was excluded from my own families gatherings. They give me support and advice when I need it, and it's unbiased, unlike my mothers. My boyfriend is the only person i feel the most comfortable with, and I consider him my family more than my mother, brother, aunts, uncle, cousins and sisters

 

It looks like you are very happy with your man and his family

 

Congratulations and I wish you the best of luck in the army.

 

Stay strong soldier.

[doushenka]

Hi, Tabatha --

 

You took an enormous step that most people, let alone most young women, wouldn't dream of taking. Not hearing back from potential employers isn't a sign of being a loser. It's part of the recession we're in. You're doing something that'll help you get back on your feet, and as the daughter of a twenty-year vet, I'm darn proud of you. Welcome aboard.

 

-- a girl who is 4-F, unfortunately, or she'd be right there with you