xpaperxcutx Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 I don't know what I was doing when I did it, but how can one truly regret until after the fact? I recently got in contact with my ex for a little catch up on our lives. I have assumed that 11 months of NC was time enough to write out any contempt between us. He is with someone new so I had no intention of getting back with him, but somehow talking to him was bittersweet. If anything, I had really expected that we can friends. But then I was acting against my better judgments because I always believed that exes can't be friends. Therein I have become a hypocrite in my beliefs. It was simple talks, simple jokes, but all in all there was so much tension between us. I find myself wanting to talk to him everyday, yet at the same time we always ended up in heated argument about the littlest thing. It was tentative, enjoyable, and then frustrating in that same cycle for every interaction. And then there were the flirting that went on, be it online exchanging sexual innuendos, or the way our voices excite when we whisper to each other over the phone. I regret it all, ultimately not in our flirtations but in our sexual wanton over the phone. We had phone sex. It left me with a bitter aftertaste. Had I cheated with him on his girlfriend? He lacked any remorse. It was just as it had happened and then completely forgotten. What am I to do? I want to end things with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 I recently got in contact with my ex for a little catch up on our lives. I have assumed that 11 months of NC was time enough to write out any contempt between us. ...... I think you'll now find that permanent NC is the way to work that one...! What am I to do? I want to end things with him. End things with him. Go permanent, irreversible NC, and move on. He's the scum, not you. At least you're showing remorse! Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 7, 2008 Share Posted December 7, 2008 It left me with a bitter aftertaste. Get him to drink some pineapple juice. It may help. Anyway, memories are powerful aphrodisiacs. But, in the almost-final analysis, perhaps you should think about why it was such a big deal to reconnect with him. Being friends with any ex is always like walking through a minefield, no matter how much you would like to convince yourself otherwise. Sure, he will always be special to you, because he was once part of your life. But your focus needs to be on the future. Which starts right now, actually. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 7, 2008 Author Share Posted December 7, 2008 Get him to drink some pineapple juice. It may help. Anyway, memories are powerful aphrodisiacs. But, in the almost-final analysis, perhaps you should think about why it was such a big deal to reconnect with him. Being friends with any ex is always like walking through a minefield, no matter how much you would like to convince yourself otherwise. Sure, he will always be special to you, because he was once part of your life. But your focus needs to be on the future. Which starts right now, actually. Nemo even at times like this you still manage to joke. But I had a good, albeit short laugh. I know memories are strong, for me it's driven me to severe depression before. Of course, I wish he isn't so special to me because then he can be easily discarded. I know I've tried. It was an endless cycle of missing him, then hating him, then loving him, then hating him. Link to post Share on other sites
awesomeness43 Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 uhh.. does anyone really consider phone sex cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 uhh.. does anyone really consider phone sex cheating? PM me your number, if you swing my way. Link to post Share on other sites
awesomeness43 Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 PM me your number, if you swing my way. negative... Link to post Share on other sites
Gremio Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 uhh.. does anyone really consider phone sex cheating? Umm, any kind of intimate contact is, either emotionally or physically. How would you feel if your SO was doing it to you? It most likely would end up even further and happen IRL. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 8, 2008 Author Share Posted December 8, 2008 uhh.. does anyone really consider phone sex cheating? Umm phone sex is not cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 Umm phone sex is not cheating? It's more like pretending to cheat. Link to post Share on other sites
awesomeness43 Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 I dont see what the difference between phone sex and thoughts of another person while masturbation is. Its not cheating, its not really happening, nor is it physical. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 uhh.. does anyone really consider phone sex cheating? Yes I do. I also consider cyber-sex and heavy flirting on the Internet, cheating. Interactive porn is also cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
berrieh Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 uhh.. does anyone really consider phone sex cheating? I consider it emotionally cheating and lump it in with cybersex and other inappropriate-if-you're-attached (sleeping in the same bed and cuddling with a member of the opposite sex, talking dirty with a member of the opposite sex, etc) behaviors. It doesn't fall into full-blown cheating and it's not like having sex, but still not good. I would not be happy if my partner had phone sex with someone else, especially someone they'd had a previous relationship with...never a good sign. Though, to your point, I don't consider it "sex." It's masturbation with commentary. Link to post Share on other sites
Artu Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 Do not keep in touch with him if you want to end things . Sex on phone is same sex,but unsatisfactory still . So guess, it is some sort of cheating on your permanent life partner,yes . I never tried by the way.Is it exciting? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 I don't know what I was doing when I did it, but how can one truly regret until after the fact?Yes, when you felt the tension, you knew where it was going but did it anyways. It left me with a bitter aftertaste. Had I cheated with him on his girlfriend? He lacked any remorse. It was just as it had happened and then completely forgotten.Ask yourself if it was the actual cheating component or that he seemed to lack remorse, seemed to consider it not a big deal. Which bothered you the most? What am I to do? I want to end things with him.You know what to do already. End it. You know you can do it but only if you want and are committed to following through with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 8, 2008 Author Share Posted December 8, 2008 I dont see what the difference between phone sex and thoughts of another person while masturbation is. Its not cheating, its not really happening, nor is it physical. So you would justify either phone sex or emotional compensation from someone else besides your current SO as normal? Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 8, 2008 Author Share Posted December 8, 2008 Do not keep in touch with him if you want to end things . Sex on phone is same sex,but unsatisfactory still . So guess, it is some sort of cheating on your permanent life partner,yes . I never tried by the way.Is it exciting? Artu, phone sex is just another way of getting your needs met. It isn't quite as good as sex, and depending on the person you're talking to, you might find it a bit awkward when the deed is done. That's why most people who call phone sex hot lines normally hang up after they reached climax. They don't want intimacy from strangers. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 8, 2008 Author Share Posted December 8, 2008 Ask yourself if it was the actual cheating component or that he seemed to lack remorse, seemed to consider it not a big deal. Which bothered you the most? Honestly TBF, I don't really cared if he cheated but I hate that having any sort of contact with him leaves me exhausted and angry with myself for having feelings for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Gremio Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 Honestly TBF, I don't really cared if he cheated but I hate that having any sort of contact with him leaves me exhausted and angry with myself for having feelings for him. Are you not angry at yourself for what you did to the woman in his relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 8, 2008 Author Share Posted December 8, 2008 Are you not angry at yourself for what you did to the woman in his relationship? I'm angry at myself for what I did. I feel sorry for the girl that she doesn't know the kind of person he is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 9, 2008 Author Share Posted December 9, 2008 An hour ago I told him I couldn't be his friend or even talk to him anymore. It was swift and I saw my fingers flying on the keyboard writing the words I can't really speak in person. I kind of felt numb, I could hear the blood rushing through my head. But I had to do it right? What were we anyways? We crossed the boundaries of what friends was supposed to be, but we weren't lovers either. This is the one time I honestly hope I can forgive myself for something I'd done, be it intentional or not, but I thought to myself I really had to stop looking to the past for comfort, and just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
awesomeness43 Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 sorry, just out of curiosity have you two ever had sex or been physical what so ever and to what extent? Link to post Share on other sites
Ayemtee Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 I'm angry at myself for what I did. I feel sorry for the girl that she doesn't know the kind of person he is. The kind of person HE is? You're just as wrong for what happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xpaperxcutx Posted December 9, 2008 Author Share Posted December 9, 2008 sorry, just out of curiosity have you two ever had sex or been physical what so ever and to what extent? He was my ex. I gave him my virginity. Link to post Share on other sites
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