FeedingOnFever Posted December 8, 2008 Share Posted December 8, 2008 Hey everyone, I just got out of a 3-year relationship and am hurting very much. As a friend of mine put it, my meter has just been dropped back to 0 and I'm feeling a serious lack of self-esteem. I am worried that if my boyfriend were to show up at my door asking for another chance, I would take him back with open arms, and probably for the wrong reasons. I'd want him back because I feel so insecure, scared, and unattractive right now, and desperately miss the security of having him there. I really think that would be bad for me right now. I'm also in college, which makes finding other really great guys pretty hard. (No offense, college guys: in my particular school all the cool guys are gay or taken, and everyone else is looking for a wham-bam-thank you ma'am, in my experience.) I know right now that I would not want to be in a very committed relationship at this point in my healing, but here's a question. Suppose I start to look for someone, being perfectly clear up-front: I don't want a long term relationship at this point in my life, and I don't want random sex, but I would love to have a really fun date with a cool guy and get to know people. Y'know, almost not even for the romantic aspect... kind of just to meet people and make connections. I don't care if guyA and I end up going for a few dates then becoming friends, or go for a few dates and decide to move on. I just want to feel good about myself again. However... bringing back the college part, I think I would be REALLY hard-pressed to find a guy who wasn't immediately thinking of sex in the future. I know I'm not ready for that. I'd be honest and all, and say what I wasn't looking for, and because of that, I am pretty sure that any guy who would have otherwise had a great time being with me, flirting, seeing movies and enjoying each other's company would high-tail it out of there. So, my question is, is this an awful idea? I could really use the pick-me-up, and I genuinely love to learn more about people, see new faces, and make others feel attractive/good about themselves, too. I just don't know if this plan is doomed to failure, or ultimately bad for me in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBlaze Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 What's so awful about it? As long as you're being honest with the guy, I don't see anything bad about it. If it's what you want to do, then go for it! You certainly wouldn't be the first one to rebound date, and it does work for a lot of people. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 Well , honestly , if you tell a guy : "Hey I am not looking for romance ( hence no sex or kisses for him ) and I'm not looking for a relationship ( hence long term girlfriend , companionship and lots of sex ) then your selection will be more limited. You could try Craigs list : Girl looking for guy friends. See how many bite. I would not say to a guy you are looking for guy friends. Either say nothing and when they get all hands THEN tell them you are not looking for anything serious. OR you could join a hiking club ( or whatever fun thing you like to do ) and you just go hike , or whatever , no problems just hike . Link to post Share on other sites
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