Geishawhelk Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Love it..... they just love to comment, but without reading the thread...... Welcome to Loveshack wicar! Link to post Share on other sites
Author worlybear Posted March 15, 2009 Author Share Posted March 15, 2009 meeting re H's job scheduled for next friday. Younger daughter more settled at school. Still recovering from flu. will post later. Link to post Share on other sites
signedin2008 Posted March 15, 2009 Share Posted March 15, 2009 meeting re H's job scheduled for next friday. Younger daughter more settled at school. Still recovering from flu. will post later. Is he still seeing the other woman? How often do they meet? Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted March 16, 2009 Share Posted March 16, 2009 Worlybear, Glad you are using MB principals. Wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worlybear Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 Don't think he's seeing much of her. He's spending a lot of time here. Just playing it calm ,to be honest I'm too worn out and unwell at the moment. Don't know whats going to happen. Still working myself ,county has tried to terminate my contract as of end of April but Union is sorting it as I have worked long enough to be permanent and if there needs to be redundancies i have the same rights as anyone else. Well we'll see. Link to post Share on other sites
signedin2008 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 Don't think he's seeing much of her. He's spending a lot of time here. Where does he sleep? At your place? If not, how do you know if she doesn't join him at night? Link to post Share on other sites
Author worlybear Posted March 17, 2009 Author Share Posted March 17, 2009 She is a single parent with an 8 yr old daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
signedin2008 Posted March 17, 2009 Share Posted March 17, 2009 She is a single parent with an 8 yr old daughter. You still did not answer the question yet...where does he sleep? How do you know that he doesn't stop by her place for an hour or two say after mid-night when her daughter is asleep? Link to post Share on other sites
Author worlybear Posted March 18, 2009 Author Share Posted March 18, 2009 Not feasible for him to do that- she also has 17 yr old son.why are you so concerned with where he is sleeping? Frankly I'm more concerned with him keeping his job at the moment so that he can support his daughters- our relationship will have to wait. Link to post Share on other sites
signedin2008 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 Not feasible for him to do that- she also has 17 yr old son.why are you so concerned with where he is sleeping? Frankly I'm more concerned with him keeping his job at the moment so that he can support his daughters- our relationship will have to wait. The root of the problem is his affair. And the key whether you will have an intact family or not is whether the affair ends or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worlybear Posted March 27, 2009 Author Share Posted March 27, 2009 Big meeting is over. H is not going back to job but being "let go," with financial (small) pay off. He will be able to work after Easter as supply teacher and apply for ordinary teaching jobs(as opposed to headships.) He is supporting us financially. Had a grand battle about my job but union have worked hard and I will be still working the same hours next term and can apply for other jobs for September. House is going on the market in April and tentatively rebuilding relationship with H. Very early days as yet. Hoping that the year improves. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 What is H's relationship and contact with OW at this point? Does H still have his head in Affair Fog? Or has he realised the enormity of what he has done to you, your children, your marriage, and himself? Link to post Share on other sites
Author worlybear Posted April 12, 2009 Author Share Posted April 12, 2009 Well heres the latest. Thought we were making progress but kept obsessing about ow. Finally tackled him about her and he told me he is still seeing her. Asked about divorce and "he hadn't thought that far ahead." So I gave him an ultimatum - if he cares more for her than he does for me and our family he can drop right out of our lives and make his life with her and her family. He won't be welcomehere. Apparently he only sees her occasionally without her kids( pretending to himself that they are both single ?) Also told him i'm not selling the house. I've spent nights worrying about renting locally so that younger daughter can stay at her new school and then I thought sod it why should we move to suit him and pay for his flat. I will continue to work and look for more hours but he has to keep a roof over our heads. If he can't pay then we'll move into his rented flat when the bailiffs call. Why the change of heart from me? Stupidly I slept with him last week as I thought she was off the scene.I regretted it straight away but I was lonely.' He made all the advances but now claims it was me.What a hero. He didn't know if he would tell her so I saved him the effort and emailed her today.Honesty is the best policy. Pointed out that he has doesn't want her fulltime or her kids and has already cheated on her. Came round today to see younger daughter as it had already been arranged and she's had enough disappointments and he is still taking older daughter for uni interview on tues. By Weds I want closure. Contact will be minimal and court arranged if he doesn't kick her into touch. We've all had enough of his pratting about and hiding in the flat. I was fully prepared to carry on supporting him if he gave her up but I'm not being the reserve if things don't work out with her. I've done my bit looking out/after him now its my turn to make the demands and ultimatums. Link to post Share on other sites
anne1707 Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 Well it's about ****** time that you came to your senses! The frustration posters have had with you Worlybear is that we could see that your H was still probably involved with the OW but you really did seem to have your head in the sand on that one and were letting him get close to you again. Please do not set yourself up for another fall like this again. You have given him an ultimatum so you must stand by your word. If he does not end it with the OW, your marriage is over. It really is as simple as that. Start living your life, not his. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 Yip, Anger has kicked in now for you and you have found some strength to start laying down how its going to be if he wants you... Be careful, because you MUST follow through with the ultimatum or else YOU will be weakened. I am telling you this from personal experience... if you stick around a cheating H, you become less and less powerful. If you take matters into your own hands, become financially, emotionally, and physically independent of him then the only way he can make his way back to you is on equal terms/footing with your demands...THAT is what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worlybear Posted April 12, 2009 Author Share Posted April 12, 2009 Thanks. I am now waiting to see if ow has the bottle to reply. I don't regret it I'm really hoping that it causes them both lots of grief. As I said in my email to her -what goes around ,comes around. Hope she sees him for the cheating ,lying weak person he is and that its scuppered her well-known plans for happy ever after with a new dad for her kids. It didn't take him long to cheat on her after all. He's a 52 year old man playing teenage games while convenientally forgetting that she has a family to bring up and so does he. He looked ill ,old and haggard this morning and I just thought "Good.":) Link to post Share on other sites
Author worlybear Posted April 13, 2009 Author Share Posted April 13, 2009 Not surprisingly no reply to email. H round to make arrangements with daughter for interview /journey up north. Very arsey with me. Asked him sweetly if everything was ok and had a very aggressive "yes. fine." Strongly suspect that he knows about email and hopefully is having a hard time about it. Went out then on way back we drove past each other. He stopped the car and was talking about tomorrows arrangements and was very pleasant. Reckon we're in mind game territory now. Probably thinks if he's nice after all i won't follow up on no contact.no chance! Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted April 13, 2009 Share Posted April 13, 2009 Every infringement... Bat him like Babe Ruth! Link to post Share on other sites
Author worlybear Posted April 14, 2009 Author Share Posted April 14, 2009 Drafted email to H last night about ultimatum and while I was checking it this morn I hit send instead of save. Now panicking as I was waiting till his payout was settled and the money he promised me was in the bank. Can't retrieve it as I don't know his password. Any ideas as he won't check his emails til he gets back with daughter. Also younger daughter loves him dearly. How do I deal with her if he chooses ow? I already feel guilty but I can't backdown on my ultimatum. What would you guys do in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 14, 2009 Share Posted April 14, 2009 I have done this by accident, too. There is nothing you can do, I am afraid. if he has any form of integrity in his body at all, he will not go back on his word. But I think, reading the thread, (which has taken some time! It is very long!) morally, you have the advantage. If he witholds payout, then he his hurting his daughter too. her feelings are also his responsibility. For him to sleep with you, and his mistress is a sign of a very ambiguous mind, but his actions are for him to explain to his daughter, not you. If she says, "mummy, why does daddy....?" You must say kindly - "Darling, you will have to ask him, I cannot explain it!" Which is true. You can explain it - but why should you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author worlybear Posted April 16, 2009 Author Share Posted April 16, 2009 Have managed to retrieve email ,hopefully unread. Will send it when money is sorted. Older daughter had better interview this time, so hoping it goes well for her. Very lonely ,socially. Anyone out there joined a singles club ? Is it a good idea. Just missing adult company and looking for ways to meet friends. I am an older mum so clubbing scene doesn't appeal. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Political groups, parties, committees, events are a great way to meet mature & interesting people. You dont have to have intense affiliations or views to participate. In the US, a lot of people use them for networking. I'm married to a man who is involved in this type of thing and have often thought, when attending things - what a great place to meet guys. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Have managed to retrieve email ,hopefully unread. Will send it when money is sorted. Good gracious, well done! May I ask out of mere curiosity, how you managed to do that? If it is a technical secret, don't worry. I don't wish you to break confidences..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author worlybear Posted April 17, 2009 Author Share Posted April 17, 2009 Taramaiden- bit difficult and I'd rather not say so no-one gets in trouble. H took younger daughter out today ,am playing along until finances are settled. Can't work out if ow has told him about email -suspect yes as he is anxious to see younger daughter and being very cagey around me. Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Can't work out if ow has told him about email -suspect yes as he is anxious to see younger daughter and being very cagey around me. It's a Given that she HAS told him about your email... remember, its her and him against you. Link to post Share on other sites
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