CanadianEquestrian Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 Well, here's a burning question: Is it possible for two people of opposite sex (or for homosexual people, of the same sex) to just be friends and never have some sort of feelings for eachother? By feelings I mean a sort of "sizing up" of the other person. Is it possible to be friends with the opposite sex without once thinking "would I want to get together with this person?" or have some very minor attraction. I mean like, I have guy friends I am not attracted to in any kind of way, but at one point in my friendship with them I remember thinking "what if..." What're your thoughts on this? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 For myself, the way I know a female friend from a potential romantic partner is when I kiss them. I just feel the difference. To men who can't imagine kissing a woman and not wanting to have sex with them this may sound crazy, but it is discernible and I do feel the difference. One embrace and kiss is emotional and the other sexual. I did have a BFF for many years and I did have occasions to think "what if". I think that's completely normal. We loved each other very much, just not in "that" way. Over time and with age, I learned not to question how I feel in such matters and just to accept it and be happy I have had such valuable people in my life Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 I think in the female perspective , if we look at the guy friend as someone we don't have feelings for , we * may * sometimes wonder what they look like naked or what they might be in bed.... Its not that its in the front burner in our minds. I have hot guy friends that I kid with but can't and won't have because of various reasons but MOStlY because I like them to hang out with . I have guy friends I would never dream of having sex with. I have guy friends that I wonder what things would be like. But the MAIN gist of this is : If you like a guy in a romantic way , kiss him ! That should clarify everything you need to know Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 I think it's possible, but it's very, very rare. Most people who think they have a purely platonic friend are fooling themselves, or are blind. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 I think it's possible, but it's very, very rare. Most people who think they have a purely platonic friend are fooling themselves, or are blind. Well said. Invariably one will want more, and the friendship is dysfunctional. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 The cool thing about being friends is there is no pulling punches and no playing games. Everything, including perspectives about the friendship, is out on the table. So, no mysteries and no need for white lies. We'll now see more men arrive and say that there's no way a man and a woman can be content platonic friends. I wish there were more than 10 men on this board Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 there's no way a man and a woman can be content platonic friends. Couldn't have said it better myself. Well, except that one should always start a sentence with a capital, but that's being just a little too picky. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 We'll now see more men arrive and say that there's no way a man and a woman can be content platonic friends. I wish there were more than 10 men on this board Yes, men and women can be platonic friends! Yes, I know, I'm a woman so don't listen to me. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 Couldn't have said it better myself. Well, except that one should always start a sentence with a capital, but that's being just a little too picky. No, I meant more men Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 No, I meant more men Okay I know you don't mean more men for you , lol ! Just wanted a quick laugh before I go to bed. I know you love women. Link to post Share on other sites
FF84 Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 I'm a guy who really enjoys female company, but with every close girl friend I've had I've always imagined having sex with them - even though it's never happened. But that doesn't mean I ever pursued sex with them. It's healthy and possible to have close female friends. However, I think it's only really possible if both parties are single. Otherwise jealousy issues arise. I was very close with a girl and we had a purely platonic friendship, but then she got a boyfriend and we spent less time together, he didn't like it and she was able to get everything she wanted from a guy from him so we kind of drifted apart which is a shame. It IS possible, but it's pretty rare for really close male/female friendships. And it's only ever possible if there has never been any hint of any romantic intentions. Link to post Share on other sites
georgejungle Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 Yes and No. They can say they are friends and it can be known, but there is always an attraction to the other from either side. If the girl isn't attracted to the guy, the guy might be attracted to the girl, but they obviously keep it on the "friends" level. That's why i think so many friendships turn into relationships. You become friends first, then it evolves. Because there's always that slight 'possiblity' and everyone deep down knows this to be true. I got a friend, Megan. She's JUST a friend. I've known her for years. I think she's really cute, a cool dresser and she's a lot of fun. But were JUST friends. But see, i notice that stuff about her. How she wears her hair, her clothes, etc. Yet, she's just a friend and it would never go any further than that. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 If it's possible for one person to think of the other as a friend, I really don't see why it can't be possible for both to just see each other as friends. Link to post Share on other sites
tidalwave Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 it never works. unless you find that friend unattractive and they in turn find you unattractive, it just never works. most times one of the people in the friendship have feelings for the other and either wont admit it to themselves or the other friend - especially in a case when one person is attractive and the other isnt. most people will keep being friends with someone just to have them around. i personally am friends with a girl who (although got married 2 years ago) is in love with me and confessed to me that she did have feelings for me but couldnt wait for me to "open my eyes" which is why she got married. when they fight she calls me, when she needs to be pumped up she calls me, when she feels nostalgic... you get the point. i want the friendship i thought her and i had, and she (for almost 7 years) wanted something else. from my point of view opposite sex friendships never work unless both parties have a mutual unattraction. period. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 I totally think it's possible, I have many close guy friends that I get on quite well with, some of which I have known for years and years. The only big problem I have ever had was when my dear male friend met his now wife. She forbid him to have contact me with. It was a headache from the time they met until the time I moved. I also had a guy friend who did initially want more than a friendship and he got a bit crazy for a time- but we have since settled and have maintained a great friendship for a few years now. I do think it's possible to be just friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 I also had a guy friend who did initially want more than a friendship and he got a bit crazy for a time- but we have since settled and have maintained a great friendship for a few years now. He would rekindle his crazy if you bent over and wiggled your tush - is that what friends are for?! Have you ever caught him checking you out? Link to post Share on other sites
Andie_485 Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 I think it's very rare, mainly if one or both thinks the other is attractive. I doubt it's possible for them never to think of what the other would be like in bed or what he/she looks like naked. So most of the time, natural instincts are part of it, regardless of whether the person acts on them or talks about it. But I think there are times when the person won't act on their feelings or talk about them. Two people of the opposite sex can be friends or acquaintances, but sometimes it's better to stay at a distance if they don't want anything more to happen. Like if one or both is married to someone else, the opposite sex 'friends' shouldn't be alone together. Link to post Share on other sites
vanilla87 Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 Its possible for men and women to be friends. Sometimes you get lucky on just finding a friend that is of the opposite sex, were both sides do not fidn each other attractive. Other times it'll be different, not in that harry met sally kind of way, but in that you get curious to know what it would be like to maybe lay one on that person. I can personally say that maybe doing that once or twice, it'll make everything clear if there is any chemistry with someone your friends with that is of the opposite sex. Having kisses many guys friend, more so in those silly kissing games back in hs, some I found out that I had some chemistry with and others was just dead. The ones that I did find serious vibes with, one in particular I'm still best friends with, and ironically we are extremely close after locking lips and more. Then again both me and my friend are able to look past such things as having seen each other naked and doing more, plus we're opened minded and love being friends alot more these days... Anyway, everyone is different, but your best bet is if your too curious about one friend in particular, maybe wait till like new years eve and at midnight kiss 'em for the traditional midnight kiss and see what happens, maybe you'll feel something, maybe you won't, who knows till you try... Link to post Share on other sites
sweetgirl99 Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 I think it can be possible. In my experience, I have had both. I have some guy friends that are like brothers to me, but at the same time I have had a best guy friend who i fell for. I think it all depends on the closeness of the relationship. Some relationships get too emotionally intimate and that leads to romantic feelings. At least in my case anyway. Be sure to set boundaries so that feelings are spared Link to post Share on other sites
jeanysmith86 Posted December 27, 2008 Share Posted December 27, 2008 So many man so many friend. I have alot of friend but had no problem... sometime i hang out with them together. Link to post Share on other sites
Myusername Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Interesting question I think the answer is yes because I see it happen in my life and others. Now I do agree that often either the man or the women was at one point attracted to the other but that does not mean a true friendship cant happen. Oddly enough, most of my male friends were men that I dated, some long term some just a few dates. So what started as an attraction on both parts actually went the opposite way and turned into friendship. I have several male friends who I adore who are close but i would not date them. I wont speak for them and yes some have wanted to date, but mostly they are all very close, accepting and true friends. Even though it started as more, it morphed into something even better. My best male friend is someone I dated for only a few months, casual but I truly respected and admired him. We both really wanted to maintain and grow a friendship and we are still very close. He is madly in love with a woman whom I adore, and we all get along. Do I think often these relationships are borderline and can lead to problems, yes sure I do. But I do believe a healthy male/female relationship can exist if done within boundaries. When I am dating, i tone down my male friendships just a tad but I include my boyfriends into my friendships and they meet and all hang out believe it or not, and so far it has worked out well. Now this is not the norm, but it has been working for me. These men have not crossed the line with me, and i have not with them. MUN Link to post Share on other sites
Spinning Head Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 I like having men for friends. Much less drama involved in those friendships - even if you end up sleeping with them at some point. Over the years, I have had several male friends and, at some point, I did have sex with a few of them, but it never adversely affected the friendship. I have maintained one of those friendships for over fifteen years - through each of us getting a divorce/separating. But, the key to that friendship enduring is that we live in different states. We talk about once a week. Link to post Share on other sites
Adamagnet Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 We can be friends with women we're not attracted to, otherwise it's a facade. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 We can be friends with women we're not attracted to, otherwise it's a facade. You can be friends with a woman you are attracted to but it takes discipline to understand that she's just a friend that you are accquainted with and that you are even more attracted to and love someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 I'm sure they can be. If both aren't attracted to each other and as long as there is some sort of obstacle. Example, one is in a relationship, they live far apart and only communicate using smoke signals. To retain a friendship with someone there must be some sort of enduring connection and I think it is almost impossible for those of the opposite sex (or same, depending on their sexual attractions) to not cross the line from friendship to something more. Especially if they are relying on the other to support them in some sort of an emotional capacity they are not getting elsewhere. And then there is that with enough alcohol I am convinced anyone would do anyone or anything. Link to post Share on other sites
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