silverbunny Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 im not really looking for advice. just wondering what anyone else thinks. i've been single for 3ish months now and i can't stand it. i hate it so much. my roommate loves being single. i can't figure it out. im not a drinker, as many of my friends are who are single (or taken for that fact). and i've heard "being single is the best" because you can go to parties and get random numbers BUT im not like that. im not really looking, but not really not looking... if something happens, great if not i'll live. i guess i just don' tlike being single because i like having a significant other there for support - emotionally and physically. i like having someone to call my own. someone to say "sorry im taken" when a random guy walks up to me and he's a creeper (like many guys have been lately *shudders*). idk what do you think? single or taken? my vote is taken. Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyBlaze Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 The downside to being taken is that you always have someone to be accountable to. Life can't always run solely on your whims. Also, when/if it ends, it's going to hurt...a lot. The downside to being single is that you have no one to be accountable to. Life can run entirely on your whim without affecting anyone other than yourself. The worst time in my life was when my (now ex-)fiancée left me. The best time in my life was when we were together. That being said, and despite the risks that accompany it, I vote taken. Link to post Share on other sites
fishtaco Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 They are both good and bad, but neither one is better than the other. But if you hate being single, then you have to watch out. Make sure you're getting into a relationship because you like the guy as opposed to you don't want to be single. Link to post Share on other sites
Isolde Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 Haven't been on LS very long, have you? Lots of us have been single for several or many years. I'm not saying your feeling aren't valid, but it sounds like you could definitely take this as an opportunity to become more comfortable being independent. You'll be the better for it when you start your next rel. Link to post Share on other sites
messiah Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 being single is not that bad, i been single for about 8 months now and i love it. i do get lonely sometimes, but i think of it like this, if i was still with my GF i would never have learnt guitar, would never have gone to the gym and lost heaps of weight, would never have taken up hip hop dance classes and i certainly would not have had the confidence to walk up to random chicks and have a chat to them. Now i look good i feel good i can finally play guitar, and can dance (a guy who can dance seriously pulls in the chicks). So while you are single make the most of it by living your life for youself rather than someone else. Learn new things that will better your life, plus people who have talents and hobbies is far more attractive than people who sit their and moan about their life, dont ya think? Link to post Share on other sites
lovestruck818 Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 I hate being single. All my friends are taken and when I say all, I mean ALL- that's not an exaggeration. So it's not like I can have that fun single life everyone talks about b/c I don't have single friends to go to parties with. The worst part is that they cheat on their mates b/c it's like a joke to them when I am here looking for real serious love. Link to post Share on other sites
wisebutnotperfect Posted December 10, 2008 Share Posted December 10, 2008 I'm afraid that if you really dislike being single you will have to do something to change either by way of being more comfortable on your own or getting out and actively pursuing a new partner. My suggestion would be that you take a full year, you are about 1/4 of the way through, and really spend some time and effort to get to know yourself again. You really should be at a point where you like yourself enough to be comfortable on your own. After this waiting period you will know that you will not just latch on to the first person that looks good. There are some great books out there regarding philosophy, self growth and spirituality that everyone can benefit from. Take the time to really listen to the universe around you. Be happy and thankful each day for who you are and what you have. Take care Link to post Share on other sites
Author silverbunny Posted December 10, 2008 Author Share Posted December 10, 2008 Wow. Lots more relplies than I thought would be there. Everyone has very good ideas and such (books, taking time for me, be more outgoing... stuff like that) that I've tried but being in college it is a little harder to do these things. I'm not giving up on myself or anything like that. lovestruck818 sounds like me - having all of your friends taken. My best gal friend has been going out with her boyfriend for a little over 2 1/2 years, my cousin/best friend has been going out for a little over 2 years. My friend from high school is going on over 3. One of my ex's friends who I am also friend's with has been about 2 years. So I am literally surrounded by long term relationships and maybe I'm just jealous of them. I'm not sure. fishtaco - dont' worry I only look for meaningful relationships, not just because I am lonely. I couldn't deal with a random relationship. Thanks everyone. It means lots. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 Being single for 3 months really isn't a bad thing, in fact it's pretty normal. If you're feeling bad because of being single for 3 months and need to get into another relationship, then maybe the problem is with something else. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Jam Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 silverbunny...don't take this as an insult, but you strike me as someone who is codependent, and somewhat low in self-esteem. Your words make me think you don't particularly love yourself too much, hence why you feel complete and happy when you "have someone". The rationale of you being in a RL even more makes me think that any warm male body will do. You more want the guy holding you in bed, and the guy on your arm at events so you don't feel lame and alone. We've all been through that, but some of us had to learn that the reason some are happy being single is that they grew to realize that it's ok to be alone. To have the whole bed to yourself, to be able to be a slob and not worry who thinks what. Love is a wonderful thing, but I realized years ago that it's better when it grows from finding someone that makes you feel comfortable right from the start. Not someone who sends butterflies through you on the first meet. I say this because of how many times things failed for me when I pursued women based on excitement. I realized I was more desiring a GF than that girl. I'd tolerate a lot of red flags and such, just to have a sexual partner, cuddle buddy, etc. When I met my GF, it was different. I felt comfortable with her at the get-go. I felt I could be myself and not worry about scaring her with my gentlemanly etiquette or bore her with my intellectual conversation. I even am easily able to let her go long distance for four years and still not sit at home feeling lonely and miserable. Silverbunny, I know it's wonderful to have a SO and be in love, but I think maybe you should also see how you can love yourself and fulfill yourself in life...so a BF becomes an added bonus to your life, not a necessary thing to be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
ABrokenWing Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Haven't been on LS very long, have you? Lots of us have been single for several or many years. I'm not saying your feeling aren't valid, but it sounds like you could definitely take this as an opportunity to become more comfortable being independent. You'll be the better for it when you start your next rel. I have the problem of being too independent. it's almost like i'm scared to date...since I've been alone...well, forever. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 I think you have to reconcile with being single, and be comfortable with it before you can truly be ready to be in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 What about your friends and parents, aren't they there for you for emotional and physical support? Link to post Share on other sites
Author silverbunny Posted December 17, 2008 Author Share Posted December 17, 2008 ross latest post- kind of. unfortunately i selected very few people to get close to (less than 5 "close" friends) that all have significant others and so i feel awkward around them and asking them questions. and my family is very biased against things like this. they're very extreme. d-jam - as much as i hate to agree, most of what you say is true. i find it very hard to be happy with myself. i really really do try. but i never meet "my standard" of good... ross post before the last one - well yes technically i've been single for 3 months (4 ish now), i dont count the 2 1/2 weeks we were together because he was only going out with me because he felt bad for me. there were no feelings. so i consider us officially apart since june... idk you can look at it either way. Link to post Share on other sites
diggy Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Hey! I am like you in that I like having some one to be with, spend time with on weekends, take out on dates, and get intimate with. The thing that is important though is to make sure you do not get together with someone just because you so badly want someone to be with. This may cloud your judgement and may get you in far worse problems than just the problem of being single:) Hope you find someone soon:) Link to post Share on other sites
monkey00 Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 If you had a life before your relationship, and during the relationship. Things should work out pretty well even after it ends. But yes sometimes loneliness fills a hole which used to be there. Find some new hobbies or activities to fill your time so you won't feel so bad about being single. Link to post Share on other sites
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