dealing with the pain

[Surfer Dude]

I feel yah on that one. I'm in the trenches with you. They don't deserve the time of day. OOOO soooo angry right now, just want to blow up on her. Haha, rode out that one emotion, now on to the next whooo! Good thing I get off in an hour, one thing I enjoy, pushing and moving weights around to let out the pent up emotions. I feel like a silly kid looking at myself at the mirror, telling myself to improve and make her regret. Anger, a great motivational tool.

 

You will let go. Even if you refuse to do so right now, in time you'll get tired of pining, feeling anger etc. It'll just become so tiresome, you'll start thinking "man why am I wasting my time on this BS, I could be doing something useful".

 

Don't worry, it'll pass. There isn't much you can do to alleviate this pain besides occupying yourself with something else and letting time do it's work.

[Just_dealin_with_it]

Yeah, I'll echo what surfer dude says. Honestly, those crazy, unbearable, ever-consuming feelings you're dealing with will subside in time. Unfortunately when you're in it, time seems to be your enemy because it seems like it ticks by so slowly.

Just to give you a quick rundown on me. My break up occurred about 4 months ago, it was a 2-year relationship. Initially after the break up, I felt as though I was fine, but a couple of weeks later the bottom dropped out. I was really depressed. Had trouble focusing in school, thought about her all the time. I spoke to her about getting back together, she seemed open to it at first, but eventually nixed it. This added to my grief, then a short time later I learned she had already been seeing someone new, even as we spoke of getting back together. This sent me spiraling down even further. At that point I had to cut her off. I went NC and stayed NC ever since.

As far as getting to the point where I feel good about things again? I think it was time, and acceptance of what has happened. Realizing that I can't change the way things are or her decision to move on with someone else.

It was a rollercoaster of emotions for a while(maybe 2 months or so), where everyday I felt depressed, angry, sad, bitter, indifferent, then back to depressed again. All I can really say is, after enough time passed, it was kind of like a light switch. All of a sudden I had a breakthrough, and I just wasn't feeling as bad as before. Then after a little more time passed, I felt even better still. Once you turn the corner, you'll really begin to feel better very quickly.

Am I 100% better? No Sir. Am I ready for any sort of contact with her? Nope. Can I live with the way things are, and accept that she was never right for me to begin with? Yep. I really think that's the point. Accepting that it's over, understanding that your ex just wasn't right for you, and if you're patient, you really will find someone much better in time.

[EmperorR]

Emperor, I like the thing you posted. I have read that myself and I like it. The whole thing about "letting go and letting God"

 

 

Ahhh!!! Somehow I still wonder in my own head...Should I let him go? He made me happy, I let go of us as a relationship but I just wish we could be normal and be friends....I dont believe in the whole 'you cant be firends with your ex" theory...I mean what the hell? That was the person who knew me better than anybody and now I cant even text him to maintain some "dignity"? I'm having such a hard time uderstanding...The onlyreason why I dont contact him is because I know it would CRUSH me if he acted cold...So maybe someday when I no longer CARE or NEED him in my life..when I'm able to hear ANYTHING from him and not get hurt, I would contact him...because God knows I have soooo much that I want to say...I NEVER said nothing to him, i made him feel like it wasokay to treat me like crap and to hurt me like this...you know i keep myself so busy, but at the end of the day he is still in my head...damn it!

 

I think you can be friends with your ex, but when you have no emotional attachment to them, when you see them hugging or talking about their new girlfriend or boyfriend and you feel nothing. When you want the best for them etc.

 

I'm not one to speak on being friends etc. because my ex cheated on me, lied to me betrayed me etc., I'll never be friends with someone like that.

 

And I know exactly how you feel even though my ex did all that to me, I never said anything not one hurtful thing to me, even though she called me every name in the book, I just took it all in, not because I'm nice, well I am nice, but because I was a idiota t the time and afraid if I told the truth I'd push her away:laugh:

[pushforward]

i was driving home and an animal popped out on the on ramp of the free way, i dodged it by reflexes and spun out, hit the curb, made it home safely. not really much damage to my car, maybe a broken axle, but after that, i felt like i was going to die, and i missed her oh so much, i'm sitting here crying over a girl who doesn't care about me, i want this to go way so badly, i'm hurt and want to heal.

 

i'm too good for htis, i deserve better. i pray that one day i will get better, my heart goes out to all those in pain

[northstar1]

i was driving home and an animal popped out on the on ramp of the free way, i dodged it by reflexes and spun out, hit the curb, made it home safely. not really much damage to my car, maybe a broken axle, but after that, i felt like i was going to die, and i missed her oh so much, i'm sitting here crying over a girl who doesn't care about me, i want this to go way so badly, i'm hurt and want to heal.

 

i'm too good for htis, i deserve better. i pray that one day i will get better, my heart goes out to all those in pain

 

Well, glad you hear you were not hurt, and hopefully it's only minor damage.

I think it's natural to want to reach out to the ex more than ever, when something signficiant happens in your life, whether it's good or bad. You miss the comfort or joy they provided in such situations.

All I can say is time will reduce these feelings, and one day you'll have someone new to call after something like this.

[pushforward]

OH YEAH!! AWAKE AND DAMN, i don't even remember feeling that sad. i actually feel alright. LOL, the booze got to me XD

 

THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT !!

[LiveandLearn]

Don't lean on the booze TOO much now Today's a new day! Keep "pushin forward". Don't let her control your emotions. Only you can make yourself truly happy. We have to learn to be happy with ourselves before being able to be in a healthy and happy relationship. We shouldn't have to depend on another person to be happy; that other person should simply contribute to our already "happy" state. I, too, have learned this the hard way.

 

I've been reading this thread every now and then. Stoney's way of not "beatin' around the bush" advice is very good Everyone needs tough love. It's helped me steer away from that negative way of thinking, but of course it always finds a way to creep back in.

 

Just know you're not alone

[pushforward]

So... It's Sunday. The hardest day for me to cope. Nothing to do, but relax, do some homework and laundry. She's haunting me. Kind of up and down mood, I tried to sleep the emotions off, but I can't sleep anymore. I don't want my whole life to always be like this. I feel crappy at the moment. I just want to be over this.

 

I don't really care what she is up to or feeling. It's all about me now. I'm wondering why I still miss her or give her plenty of thought. In one way, shape or form, something triggers memories of her. We did everything together, now I'm going to the places we've been to with new people, so I can replace the thoughts of her with the new people. Kind of like facing my fears head on.

 

Also, I've done everything humanly possible to cut ties with her. Changed my number, blocked her on myspace, the only networking site I use. She doesn't know my new address. What I don't get is why part of me wishes she would track me down and apologize to me. Doing all that stuff hurted me. I know it's the best for me. It hurted to cut her out of my life, but it's for the betterment of my future and sanity. I can't hang on to something that hurts me.

 

Anybody care to explain why all of me still wants her back, when I know she is POISON. Why I did all of that to protect myself, but it hurts still. Why I can't just let it go. I guess love is blind and the 1st love is always the hardest, right?

 

Tell me it gets better. Can you post a story that you've personally experienced to help me get over this. To give me hope of being able to make it through this. I'm at my darkest hours right now.

 

Please help me stick to NC.

Please help me get over this.

Please help me. I am seriously desperate to get better and will pretty much do whatever I can to get over this. I'm guess it takes time, but I'm in need of some support from others at the moment.

[EmperorR]

So... It's Sunday. The hardest day for me to cope. Nothing to do, but relax, do some homework and laundry. She's haunting me. Kind of up and down mood, I tried to sleep the emotions off, but I can't sleep anymore. I don't want my whole life to always be like this. I feel crappy at the moment. I just want to be over this.

 

I don't really care what she is up to or feeling. It's all about me now. I'm wondering why I still miss her or give her plenty of thought. In one way, shape or form, something triggers memories of her. We did everything together, now I'm going to the places we've been to with new people, so I can replace the thoughts of her with the new people. Kind of like facing my fears head on.

 

Also, I've done everything humanly possible to cut ties with her. Changed my number, blocked her on myspace, the only networking site I use. She doesn't know my new address. What I don't get is why part of me wishes she would track me down and apologize to me. Doing all that stuff hurted me. I know it's the best for me. It hurted to cut her out of my life, but it's for the betterment of my future and sanity. I can't hang on to something that hurts me.

 

Anybody care to explain why all of me still wants her back, when I know she is POISON. Why I did all of that to protect myself, but it hurts still. Why I can't just let it go. I guess love is blind and the 1st love is always the hardest, right?

 

Tell me it gets better. Can you post a story that you've personally experienced to help me get over this. To give me hope of being able to make it through this. I'm at my darkest hours right now.

 

Please help me stick to NC.

Please help me get over this.

Please help me. I am seriously desperate to get better and will pretty much do whatever I can to get over this. I'm guess it takes time, but I'm in need of some support from others at the moment.

 

 

Breaking NC will only make you feel worse, trust me early on I broke NC so much, it's like I had no dignity.

 

Ah a story well i'm sure everyone here knows my story, but anyways

 

My ex and I got engaged earlier this year and everything was fine no quarrels fight's nothing. So this summer, she went back to her home country to visit her relatives etc., for just two weeks. Before she left she was crying how she's going to miss me so much and she loves me more than anything, and to please don't cheat on her etc. Let's just say my ex was extremely jealous, every female friend I had, even my best friend who introduced to us, I had to drop them. I couldn't even go out with my guy friends as she thought I would hit on a girl or something. But I was in love it didn't bother me at all I thought this was the girl of my dreams.

 

So everything is fine when she's away calling me every day writing emails telling me she loves me. Then the following week the emails stop saying she loves me, and how she is spending time with her friend, I trusted her so I didn't expect or think anything of that. So ya she returns and calls me and tells me we have to talk about something important.

 

And then those words I thought I would never hear, that she cheated on me. Not once not twice not three times, so much that she even lost count. Yep the same girl who was always scared I would use her for money and sex like all her previous bf's did, Who told me she couldn't believe she finally found a good man who didn't use her for sex or money cheated on me so many times in just two weeks away.

 

I literally felt destroyed, I haven't cried in years but there I was sobbing like a baby, I felt like the biggest idiot in the world. Here I am I gave everything to this girl everything. Scarified myself going on vacation to pay for her trip to see her grandparents before they die and this is how she repays me.

 

The worst part she wasn't even remorseful it's like everything we had didn't exist, all she would do is rub it in my face it seems how the guy was so experienced and so sweet how he bought her flowers. How she is still texting him and calling him, but she still wants to be friends with me. I couldn't eat, sleep, function for weeks I was a walking zombie. I went along with that stupid friends garbage until I couldn't take being disrespected anymore, it all ended when she went back to school and the first day back she messages me how she has butterflies for some guy at her school. And of course while I'm over there heartbroken feeling like crap, she has to rub it in my face how this guy is so sweet he bought her a stupid donut. So I couldn't take it anymore and started nc.

 

 

I guess the main thing is that I felt like the biggest idiot in the world, I did everything for this girl, hell she became a TA this year because of me, helping her with her studies. She got a scholarship because of me writing the essay. Like a idiot I was paying for her phone bill, and it hurt so much when I received the bill and saw all the text and time on the phone long distance charges talking to the guy she cheated on me with. I'd travel hours there and back to visit her a few times a week, sometimes I'd come and she'd be so tired and be like I just want to go home but I never complained even after all that gas and mileage and in the end I get treated like this. What's worse every time I was calling her she was with him, every time she emailed me lying it was from an internet cafe it was his laptop, it just makes me SICK, I guess it was true nice guys finish last.

 

 

I had no friends family near me to rely on, i felt embarrassed humiliated, everyone who knew us knew I treated this girl like a queen, and I got reapid like that. I had her on a pedastool for weeks maybe months, telling myself I would never find someone as great as her haha. Now months later I'm healed basically, I know anything is better than a cheat, maybe I was a doormat, maybe I was to nice, but eh shrugs.

 

So I was there left alone no friends, couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, at work i'm checking my email, checking my phone every minute, prank calling, almost text messaged the new guy she's dating that she's a whore get out now, but I didn't.

 

Didn't text me phone me etc. for liek 30 days then on our 3rd year anniversary text messaged me a dumb msg, like the day still held some reverance to the cheat. I haven't heard anything from her since and I don't care to. Yeah sometimes she's in my mind, I stumbled across her picture in a folder yesterday and I tried to say eww she's ugly or whatever but I can't she was a gorgeous model type, and i always have thoughts in my mind oh I'll never find anyone that pretty or smart again, but then I think of a negative comment. I'd rather a average looking chick who has MORALS, and is FAITHFUL, that's all I want and asking for.

 

And the weird part my ex dumped me sep 4 and on dec 4 i felt so much better, even right now I'm talking to a new girl, it's tstrange as soon as I slapped myself and telling myself I got to move on, i started talking to a girl that I have so much in common with, even from the music we like, our interests, hell she was even cheated on after a 3 year relationship just like me.

 

All im saying is you got to retrain your mind it's hard but you have to its the only way, LET GO, you'll be amazed what you can find, how there's a woman out there who you will click with have more in common with than your ex.

 

And I honestly believe if you treated your ex good one day she will think of you and try to come back, maybe not today maybe not next week, but one day they will.

 

I can honestly say I treated my ex better than anyone has and will ever treat her and I know that for sure.

 

Well that's my story, just keep NC keep your dignity. I'm telling you it gets better with time, when I came here people were telling me the same nc and time and I was like sure sure, but it's true only time can, only time.

[pushforward]

^^ that sucks dude.

 

I'm trying really hard to not break NC. I'm doing homework right now and I'm torn between thinking about her and not concentrating properly. I'm missing her so much right now. It hurts. I won't break NC. As badly as I want to, there is nothing good that will come out of it.

 

I've gave myself too many reasons to not break. I don't want to go back in my healing process. I just want to be over her, be over this and not look back.

 

I think what I want to do most is let her know how much she hurt me. Which is sad. How badly I want to go off on her for deceiving me and lying to me all this time. How her and her friends must have laughed at me when I cried and told her how much I missed her. I feel like a fool for loving her so much. I find out the truth and I feel like more of a fool. I didn't know she cheated one me, I found out and she doesn't know I know. At that point, I decided to move on. It's so freaking hard, to move that is. To not blow up on her for being such a two-face. I just need to walk away and walk forward.

 

Just leave it be and not give it thought. I'm really close to unblocking her on my messenger to see if she messages me and if I can lead that to me blowing up on her. Haha. I won't do it, but that thought is there.

 

=/

[pushforward]

fakl;sdjfkl;asjdfljasl;kdfjakl;sdfjkl;asdf

 

I'm a mess right now. Not going to break, not going to break. Keep telling myself that. Won't break, can't sacrifice all my hard work. She is no longer the same person. I am just trying to hurt myself again. I need to stop. DAMN SUNDAYS! I will overcome, I will be better!

 

Feeling the burn right now. Really want to break. BAH!

 

Nothing good will come from it. Nothing, nada, zip, zilch. ****! WHY DID I HAVE TO SEE HER FRIEND YESTERDAY.

 

So low at the moment. Waiting for better days.

[EmperorR]

fakl;sdjfkl;asjdfljasl;kdfjakl;sdfjkl;asdf

 

I'm a mess right now. Not going to break, not going to break. Keep telling myself that. Won't break, can't sacrifice all my hard work. She is no longer the same person. I am just trying to hurt myself again. I need to stop. DAMN SUNDAYS! I will overcome, I will be better!

 

Feeling the burn right now. Really want to break. BAH!

 

Nothing good will come from it. Nothing, nada, zip, zilch. ****! WHY DID I HAVE TO SEE HER FRIEND YESTERDAY.

 

So low at the moment. Waiting for better days.

 

stay busy, whenever i felt urgers that bad, I'd just go for a walk to like the donut shop, leave my cell phone or whatever at home and just read a book there till i got over the relapse.

[Surfer Dude]

fakl;sdjfkl;asjdfljasl;kdfjakl;sdfjkl;asdf

 

I'm a mess right now. Not going to break, not going to break. Keep telling myself that. Won't break, can't sacrifice all my hard work. She is no longer the same person. I am just trying to hurt myself again. I need to stop. DAMN SUNDAYS! I will overcome, I will be better!

 

Feeling the burn right now. Really want to break. BAH!

 

Nothing good will come from it. Nothing, nada, zip, zilch. ****! WHY DID I HAVE TO SEE HER FRIEND YESTERDAY.

 

So low at the moment. Waiting for better days.

 

Try doing something that makes you relaxed. After I broke up with my ex, I had tons of money left, primarily because I was in a LDR and that money was reserved for trips to her country. I decided to finally give myself a treat and spent a portion of that money on a nice HDTV set which I really enjoy. Just coming home every day and seeing my favorite shows is something that helps me tremendously to get over any setbacks.

 

For emperor it's reading a book. For someone it might be running in the forest etc.

 

You gotta find something that enterains you and gets your mind off her.

[Surfer Dude]

One more thing:

 

Holding grudges is unhealthy. I'm currently doing a lot of self work, trying to forgive my ex for her actions and live in the present.

 

Sometimes I have bad moments (mornings usually) when I really feel strong resentment towards my ex and feel really down, angry and sad. But those moments pass really quick and generally I'm trying to have positive attitude.

 

Lately I'm trying not to judge. I'm trying to see things from her perspectve and understand her. I do understand her, she just did what she thought was best for her at some point, without regarding my emotions. I try to see her actions just as actions, without passing any judgments or opinons.

 

Things happened because she thought it was the best course of action for her life. She doesn't see anything wrong in cheating and dumping her fiance, in her system of values it's a normal and acceptable thing.

 

Thinking like this helps me a lot, I see her actions as neutral events that took place in the past. Besides... 1 year from now it won't matter anymore. 10 years from now even less. 1000 years from now, nobody will ever remember it, her or me anymore for that matter.

 

So why waste my life dwelling on some BS when I can actually enjoy this short life I have?

[pushforward]

i'm not holding on to the grudge. i'm holding on to sadness and anger, don't know why i can't just drop it and move on so easily like other people.

 

the wounds are deep and will take time to heal. i'm just going insane with the healing process and thoughts of her.

 

time is on my side i hope.

[pushforward]

So... I did it.

 

I broke NC. I looked at her myspace. Wasn't worth it. Feel crappy. I know it isn't as bad as it seems, but I shouldn't have done it. She's moved on with her life and I haven't. I have to pick up the pieces.

 

Love hurts.

[alwayssme]

The only thing that holds me back from moving on is how good he was to me and the fact that i really hurt him in the begining...

 

 

then he changed and stopped loving me..then i was the one crying my heart out and he didnt even care to be there...

 

 

I feel both victim & guilty... ehh

[pushforward]

god, i'm in a lot of pain right now.

 

remind me to not to do that again. reading his comments. ugh, feel sick and disturbed. there must be something wrong with me. 4 months and i'm still hurting like day 1. i know other people have gone through worse things, but why am i so damn selfish, why can't i let go. why do i still love her, why the hell does she still have the power to hurt me.

 

i literally meant jack squat to her, that's what burns me the most right now. she gets a running head start and leap frog to a new relationship, while i am left to burn, life is cruel eh?

[Surfer Dude]

god, i'm in a lot of pain right now.

 

remind me to not to do that again. reading his comments. ugh, feel sick and disturbed. there must be something wrong with me. 4 months and i'm still hurting like day 1. i know other people have gone through worse things, but why am i so damn selfish, why can't i let go. why do i still love her, why the hell does she still have the power to hurt me.

 

i literally meant jack squat to her, that's what burns me the most right now. she gets a running head start and leap frog to a new relationship, while i am left to burn, life is cruel eh?

 

Sometimes doing your best to forget your ex isn't enough. I wonder if there's something else we need to do in order to forget our exes. Maybe having sex with other women? Would that help? Maybe for a while.

 

You just have to figure out what's killing you the most. I'm mostly over my ex, any anger, anxiety or depression I feel is mostly due to my loneliness (I'm not good at taking loneliness anymore). I kinda miss the way relationship made me feel, not relationship per se.

 

But bro, we'll be fine. It's how things ultimately work.

[pushforward]

Sometimes doing your best to forget your ex isn't enough. I wonder if there's something else we need to do in order to forget our exes. Maybe having sex with other women? Would that help? Maybe for a while.

 

You just have to figure out what's killing you the most. I'm mostly over my ex, any anger, anxiety or depression I feel is mostly due to my loneliness (I'm not good at taking loneliness anymore). I kinda miss the way relationship made me feel, not relationship per se.

 

But bro, we'll be fine. It's how things ultimately work.

 

What is killing me the most is the guy she left me for. The rejection and anger of finding things out on my own. Not being able to give her a piece of my mind. Lots of emotions basically. No closure and just me having to deal with her leaving in the not so nicest way possible.

 

I'm letting this get to me, I don't know how to stop.

 

I deserve so much better. I treated her so well and I get this. Her loss, not mine. I'm just in pain and the pain confuses me.

 

where is stoney with his insightful posts!

[LiveandLearn]

Pushforward: Have you considered therapy? I hear it helps. I'm going to my first session this Friday and am looking forward to it. We LET these people have control over our emotions. I know exactly how you feel. I don't have the strength (right now) to break the power my husband has over me. There will be days where I feel like I have control over my life again, but then there will be days where something triggers memories of him and I lose it (again). In due time we will have control over our lives and our feelings once again. So you broke NC. No big deal. You know nothing good came out of it, so you know not to do it again. Everytime you have the urge to check her myspace or whatever, email/text a friend instead. Or a family member. Or post here. Whatever helps you.

[pushforward]

Pushforward: Have you considered therapy? I hear it helps. I'm going to my first session this Friday and am looking forward to it. We LET these people have control over our emotions. I know exactly how you feel. I don't have the strength (right now) to break the power my husband has over me. There will be days where I feel like I have control over my life again, but then there will be days where something triggers memories of him and I lose it (again). In due time we will have control over our lives and our feelings once again. So you broke NC. No big deal. You know nothing good came out of it, so you know not to do it again. Everytime you have the urge to check her myspace or whatever, email/text a friend instead. Or a family member. Or post here. Whatever helps you.

 

 

I see a therapist once every 3 - 4 weeks. It helps to a certain extent. I guess the real thing that heals is time. Driving myself insane from self inflicted wounds.

[EmperorR]

What is killing me the most is the guy she left me for. The rejection and anger of finding things out on my own. Not being able to give her a piece of my mind. Lots of emotions basically. No closure and just me having to deal with her leaving in the not so nicest way possible.

 

I'm letting this get to me, I don't know how to stop.

 

I deserve so much better. I treated her so well and I get this. Her loss, not mine. I'm just in pain and the pain confuses me.

 

where is stoney with his insightful posts!

 

it sucks eh, my ex is now with some herb, basically the type of guy she always hated, a dweeb, a geek who only studies and stays hom, thats another worse thing is when she leaves you for a certified loser who you know your better than ah well.

[pushforward]

it sucks eh, my ex is now with some herb, basically the type of guy she always hated, a dweeb, a geek who only studies and stays hom, thats another worse thing is when she leaves you for a certified loser who you know your better than ah well.

 

 

How do you deal with it? I'm struggling coping.

[stoneymirror]

pushforward, wow you were getting better for a while then you broke the NC rule. Don't EVER do it again. I wish I was there when you did it, cause I would have smacked you so hard across the head you wouldn't think twice of doing it again. YOU ARE DOING THIS TO YOURSELF. STOP IT

 

Now that you've burnt yourself once again, have you learned? I'm not trying to demise you, but how many times is it going to take you to realize checking her myspace profile is only going to send you through a loop. You say you're sick of this and you just want it to be over, but your actions are saying otherwise. You aren't letting go, rather you're going over every situation in your head. She consumes all your thoughts and time, and you're asking yourself why you can't get over it.

 

Put it this way, if you were a smoker, and you tried quitting. You think smoking at the same rate for a week would get you any closer to quitting? You need to gauge yourself, and challenge yourself. Each day you have to see yourself getting better. This will give you some confidence that this is something you can overcome. You're making it harder than it needs to be. It's you against you, which one of you is gonna win?

 

Pushforward you need to learn how to control yourself first and foremost. You need to catch yourself early and often as I mentioned before. You have a thought that goes into your head that reminds you of her. Recognize that and instantly divert the thought. The second you let yourself go down memory lane all you're doing is holding on to something that's not even there. Memories... And then you consume yourself for the next 20 minutes thinking, and thinking, and thinking. Here's the ritual you keep playing through your head. But these thoughts aren't good man. Any thoughts of the ex should be left alone, they just lead you to depression. You need to get rid of everything both physical and mental of her. That's the only way to put this in the past.

 

Yeah I know its tough. But this is all self control. This is a challenge, a hill you need to climb. And it's easier to get over that hill if you have all the tools in your back pocket. But I can't urge you enough to recognize what you're doing to yourself. Just like a drug addict, they don't see what they're doing to themselves. You need to dig deep her and see things for what they really are. Stare at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself what you're doing to yourself. You may find an answer.

 

I also can't tell you this enough, you need to get out and meet someone. Stop being such a turd, and get out there. This will be the best thing you can do to putting the past behind you and creating new memories. How can you forget about the past when all you have is the past and you aren't living the present? Start Living bro... Today's a new day.

 

Definition of Insanity:

Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

 

Pushforward it's time to start thinking and acting differently. Get some self control and change this. You can do it.