dealing with the pain

[Sbrizio]

Stoney, thanks a lot. This helps me as well.

Thanks again!

[pushforward]

 

Definition of Insanity:

Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

 

Pushforward it's time to start thinking and acting differently. Get some self control and change this. You can do it.

 

Thanks stoney.

 

Actually looking at it and what I'm feeling today. It wasn't a total relapse, but it did give me perspective. She moved on a long long time ago. I've been having hope that she would apologize to me one day, soon. I know everything I've been doing is self inflicted, but I still maintain NC. I got curious about her life and I'm not beating myself up over it. I've met a few new girls, just socially going out, nothing romantic, I don't feel that way towards any of them.

 

Just keeping things platonic and moving on. I've been too wrapped up into this girl that I know I lost myself. I don't really know who I am anymore and I'm just on a journey to experience new things and grow as a person. I broke NC and suffered the consequences. I should have known better, but oh well, I did it. I checked her myspace and burned. Let this be a lesson to me and all those out there. No new information = no new hurt.

 

I had my moment of weakness and I am ashamed of it. As long as I didn't break down and contact her, I didn't totally waste my 1.5 months of NC. I actually don't feel all heart broken today. Just sad and depressed. Just looking forward to traveling up north and visiting my dad's grave. I think it's best for me right now, to just stay away from relationships and give myself time to heal. It's in your opinion that I should date date date date. I don't think I'm ready, I'm too emotionally unstable and would like to conquer my fear of being alone.

 

I don't want somebody to distract me from my pain, I'm ready to accept it now. I'm ready to move on. Took a lot of self torture and thinking to finally come to this point. She moved on a long time ago, she doesn't care about me. I am too blinded by love to realize I am the best damn man she will ever date. No more putting myself down, no more being the victim.

 

It's all on me. Time for some deep healing, this will probably be the hardest thing to do. I hope this journey teaches me the necessary tools to cope with life's harder battles.

[stoneymirror]

You're gettin there Pushforward. Stay strong bro

[pushforward]

You're gettin there Pushforward. Stay strong bro

 

 

I know I'm getting better. I'm finally coming to realizations about myself and her. It just ain't for me. Too much work. Although I invested my time and emotions, I was the best to her. No hard feelings about the infidelity, I forgive, but I don't forget.

 

Time is on my side. I don't need her to validate my existence. I need to do that for me. It hurts to say all this because I'm in a depressed state, but it will take time to bounce back. Just looking forward to my return, where I am normal and not hurting all the time.

[Surfer Dude]

It's good that you've started hanging out with girls. Even if it's just platonic, it will help you move on. It gives you perspective and you see there are other great women in this world.

 

For instance, I saw a cool girl today sitting in a library all by herself. Even though the place was empty, I sat down next to her just said hi and started talking to her. It's actually so easy. I almost forgot how easy it is to meet girls. I had a great time talking to this girl and I told her it'd be cool to hang out together, so we'll most likely go on a casual date.

 

Now I see there are so many nice, kind and normal girls around, my ex was cranky, flaky, moody, abusive and nearly destroyed my trust in opposite sex. But she failed at doing that, just seeing some great girls makes me smile and I realize I'm gonna be happy again... I actually am happy right now.

 

Don't let your ex scar you for life. Her ghost is chasing you right now, kick that ghost out!

[pushforward]

 

Don't let your ex scar you for life. Her ghost is chasing you right now, kick that ghost out!

 

She didn't scar me for life. She just let me know how the real world is. Traumatizing experience, but it will be for the best. I needed a wake up call. Not sure how to get rid of the ghost. Time will wash it away. I can't forcefully kick out somebody that lives in my head. I'm just biding my time and going through each and every emotion thoroughly. Wouldn't want any past hurts to arise in a new relationship.

 

I'm still hurting, but I have hopes for my future. Slowly, my thoughts of our future together disappear and is replaced with a my future. Not us.

[stoneymirror]

It's good that you've started hanging out with girls. Even if it's just platonic, it will help you move on. It gives you perspective and you see there are other great women in this world.

 

For instance, I saw a cool girl today sitting in a library all by herself. Even though the place was empty, I sat down next to her just said hi and started talking to her. It's actually so easy. I almost forgot how easy it is to meet girls. I had a great time talking to this girl and I told her it'd be cool to hang out together, so we'll most likely go on a casual date.

 

Now I see there are so many nice, kind and normal girls around, my ex was cranky, flaky, moody, abusive and nearly destroyed my trust in opposite sex. But she failed at doing that, just seeing some great girls makes me smile and I realize I'm gonna be happy again... I actually am happy right now.

 

Don't let your ex scar you for life. Her ghost is chasing you right now, kick that ghost out!

 

exactly my point. you need to get out there Pushforward, and stop making excuses. I was telling myself these same sort of things when I broke up with my first LTR. I'm not ready is just an excuse. I used that for almost 2 f-ing years. And it was the worst mistake I ever made. I went into college thinking this sort of thing and I really wish I had those years back cause I turned down a bunch of girls. And was depressed for at least a full yr. If I knew then what I know now, those first two years in college would have been that much better.

 

Just get out there, go on some dates. It doesn't have to be physical. it can just be a girl who'll be your friend. What you aren't seeing is your life passing you by. You'll never get these days back. Don't do what I did, and hold on to these feelings forever. You'll look back like I have and wished I would have had the courage to find someone new.

 

I don't care who you are, what you look like, or how you smell. There's someone out there that wants to be with you. Stop wasting your time thinkin about someone who doesn't want to be with you.

 

If you went in for a job interview, and they said no. Would you keep coming back, begging for a job? I don't think so. You accept it, and move on, so you can go on with your life.

 

Pushforward you really need something to distract you. go work out, play some vids, do anything that'll prevent you from day dreaming about the ex.

 

This thread is now over a 100 posts, that's a good indication you aren't making the steps necessary to move on. We see you getting better each and every day, but now's the time to leave this behind you and never look back. You can't hold onto something that's not there. Life will go on, and you're gonna meet the woman of your dreams eventually.

 

I wish you the best of luck, and will check back from time to time, but I really think you need to put things in perspective here and really start working on getting over this. You still are holding on way too tight.

 

- Stoney

[pushforward]

 

I wish you the best of luck, and will check back from time to time, but I really think you need to put things in perspective here and really start working on getting over this. You still are holding on way too tight.

 

- Stoney

 

Hi Stoney,

 

Thanks for the input. I know you mean well. I'm not putting my life on hold. Right now, I'm just building my social avenues in life and keeping things platonic. Nothing romantic at the moment, when I do feel that chemistry with somebody, I will pursue it. I haven't fully gone into why I'm not ready to invest into dating.

 

There are no excuses. I simply need closure with a few things in my life, ranging from my Dad's death and me visiting his grave. I have not visited in YEARS. I do not need closure from her. She's made her bed and she can sleep in it. I'm confident that I'm the best damn man she will ever date. I know for a fact. She has a history of dating losers and that's what she wanted to do with the new guy. Not my loss, it's hers.

 

As to why I keep posting here? It's to track my progress and help others reading it. My posts have gotten from decent to worse to better. If in any way I can help somebody going through heartbreak, I'll keep posting. I'm not holding on tightly anymore.

 

I'm also at a loss right now, posting helps me vent and gain insight from others from when I am weak. I've been through many things in my life and have not grieved it properly. Through this breakup, all of it is seeping out. I need a form to cope, it so happens to be through forums and reading and posting to help myself and to help others.

 

I'm mentally stable, just not emotionally stable 100%. I know with time I will forget my ex. I'm just blind and starting to see better. It's like being kept in the dark for so long and you get exposure to the sun, it takes time for your eyes to adjust.

 

I'm not trying to play the victim role anymore. However, I do feel pain. It wasn't just this breakup that hurted me. It was a number of rejections and past hurts that I had kept bottled up. My fault for hanging on to the hurts or ignoring them, but I'll overcome.

 

A few reasons that add to my pending hurt: She left, felt like my Dad being murdered again, I feel powerless to do anything. I must accept that.

 

My Mom who abandoned me at birth, I tracked down through a private investigator, is now found. I wrote her a nice letter asking if she would like to talk, please contact me. I get a response and she would like nothing to do with me. Rejection #2. Rejection #1 was through the breakup, I lost myself and wanted to know who or where I come from. So, I decided to find my Mom. I got closure on that.

 

I was very close to moving away for family and job reasons. At that time, I was not mentally or emotionally stable and things just kept piling on. My Grandma got sick, really sick. (She is much better now.)

 

So, yeah... I don't need the sympathy, I just wanted to get out there that. Yes, I am human, yes I need to move on. I know what my problems are and I appreciate your input. I will apply what's best for me given my circumstances. I know it's tough love, but you mean well.

 

I just want to tie up my loose ends in the past with my Dad, who I've been scared to visit for many years. I'm exploring my deeper, darker side. I'm on the journey to find myself and it's not an excuse to not date or do this or do that. It's what 1st priority to me is at the moment.

 

I NEED TO LET GO OF THE PAST. Look forward to the future, because life will work out. Life will go on, I will not fight it anymore. Just say goodbye and be happy.

 

Of course, I'm only human and my feelings fluctuate. I'll be back, maybe better, maybe worse, but one day, just one day. I'll be completely happy.

 

=D

[calculus]

 

If you went in for a job interview, and they said no. Would you keep coming back, begging for a job? I don't think so. You accept it, and move on, so you can go on with your life.

 

 

I absolutely love this analogy and it makes sense too. Sometimes I wouldn't even get a response when I send in an application/resume, but it doesn't seem to faze me. Getting over someone though isn't as easy as that though. I mean it's not like you had any personal, intimate contact with the job interviewer or job before you interviewed for the job.

[stoneymirror]

just trying to prove a point here, that when we get rejected, we need to pick our selves back up and get on with our lives. Michael Jordan didn't even make the JV highschool team in basketball his freshman year, but he used that as a motivator to get out there and practice. We all know how his life turned out.

 

I can honestly say that I've learned the most in times of failure. I would look at this as an opportunity to really show yourself what you're made of. Again good luck Pushforward.

[pushforward]

just trying to prove a point here, that when we get rejected, we need to pick our selves back up and get on with our lives. Michael Jordan didn't even make the JV highschool team in basketball his freshman year, but he used that as a motivator to get out there and practice. We all know how his life turned out.

 

I can honestly say that I've learned the most in times of failure. I would look at this as an opportunity to really show yourself what you're made of. Again good luck Pushforward.

 

I know you have the best intentions. I know through failure, you learn to be better. This will either make me or break me. I will pick myself up. I am picking myself up. Through this much heartache and pain, I better have learned something, or I've been torturing myself for no damn reason.

 

No doubt, this will make me a better person. I'm just in the midst of the process and I am LOST. Haha, 1st love and unrequited. Learn not to do that again and learn to let go. The conniving whore cheated on me. Oh well, on to self discoveries and making myself better.

 

Thanks for the posts. The encouragement and insight does HELP a great deal. If you haven't noticed, you're helping others by helping me. Some even replied that your posts give them inspiration. So, thanks!

[stoneymirror]

You're welcome Pushforward. I just wanted to help. Glad I was able to.

[thrillaveza]

The one person I trusted, betrayed me. I'm a great guy and I got hurt, hurt badly I might add.

 

Any advice for this heart broken fool?

 

time will heal everything. you should go out and live life, find new hobbies to do in your spare time to take your mind off of it. just let time do it's thing and who knows, you will be bouncing back up in no time or perhaps you'll find someone who will treat you well. goodluck

[pushforward]

time will heal everything. you should go out and live life, find new hobbies to do in your spare time to take your mind off of it. just let time do it's thing and who knows, you will be bouncing back up in no time or perhaps you'll find someone who will treat you well. goodluck

 

I've been going out having a decent time. My emotions are all over the place still. It still hurts and everything still reminds me of her. I don't know what to do at this point. My therapist says what I'm feeling is normal and that it will take more time. He also said the reason why I'm taking this hard is because of my past adding into it.

 

I'm just sleepy and want to go home and sleep.

[sedgwick]

It's been 3 months since breakup and 3 weeks of NC. This is actually the second NC I've tried and that's why I don't feel anything anymore

 

How do you people DO this?? I'm at 18.5 months since he dumped me, seven months NC, almost one year NC before that (and when he made contact it was just long enough for me to tell him that it was all or nothing and hang up on him, and he never called back, so obviously when given a choice between loving me and totally not knowing me, he chose the latter.)

 

I still feel very worthless and sad, and he is my first thought in the morning and last thought at night, and I'm thinking of him every minute of the day, and most nights I dream about him. The only difference between now and the day he left is that I'm not curled up in the floor sobbing anymore, and I can eat again now. But it still hurts, I still love him, and I still cry.

[thrillaveza]

I've been going out having a decent time. My emotions are all over the place still. It still hurts and everything still reminds me of her. I don't know what to do at this point. My therapist says what I'm feeling is normal and that it will take more time. He also said the reason why I'm taking this hard is because of my past adding into it.

 

I'm just sleepy and want to go home and sleep.

I've been going out having a decent time. My emotions are all over the place still. It still hurts and everything still reminds me of her. I don't know what to do at this point. My therapist says what I'm feeling is normal and that it will take more time. He also said the reason why I'm taking this hard is because of my past adding into it.

damn, that's tough. well if it's normal then i guess it's a matter of time (sorry if that's been tossed around repetitively here) i guess if you could not think about it (which is hard cause i've been there), possibly, if you can, try to take your mind off of the past. it's all in your head, perhaps read a book, watch movies ( not the ones that are her favorite) or just keep hanging out with your friends. i seriously know where you are coming from and i too, can not believe how i got over the people that i had things for. but yeah, take care of youself. goodluck