XMM's Attorney Visit

[Spinning Head]

XMM and I still communicate. We have not seen each other in over a week. XMM told me that he has an appointment with an attorney tomorrow to discuss separating from his W. XMM asked me to go with him to the appointment. I told XMM that I do not want to go. XMM has asked me repeatedly to go with him.

 

XMM retained an attorney in June and did some of the preliminary work towards a separation then stopped it. Now, it is December and XMM has an appointment with a different attorney. XMM claims that the other attorney was not going to be aggressive enough to fight whom he believes will be his W's attorney should he separate.

 

I really don't see what is the point of me going with XMM to his attorney's appointment except to wear a scarlet "A" on my chest.

[wildsoul]

Your feelings are not only important here, but your boundaries are really in the right place. Don't go!

 

For crying out loud. You didn't go to the altar with them. Why on earth would you go to the D attorney with him?

 

A compromise would be offering to meet him for dinner that night or showing support some other way. Stay out of his legal stuff as much as possible!

[Star Gazer]

If you go, anything that is said during the meeting is NOT protected by the attorey-client privilege. As such, I would strongly suggest you NOT attend, if only to protect his interests.

[2sure]

Visiting an attorney, especially for an initial consult (which this would bve for this attorney) is very easy and involves no paperwork, no committment to action. Its nothing. People visit attys. all the time for an initial and don't return. Either they are just interviewing attys, or they change their mind.

 

I'm sorry, with this mans history of smoke and mirrors and tossing you tidbits of hope...

 

There is no reason for you to be at an attys. meeting. None. It serves no point unless he is just using this as a ploy to show you he is moving forward. He is hoping this ploy will be enough to give you hope to continue the affair.

 

I have had enough. Give me his #. I'm calling him!! lol.

[Adunaphel]

I agree with the other posters... ask him that he goes with his W instead.

[whichwayisup]

I really don't see what is the point of me going with XMM to his attorney's appointment except to wear a scarlet "A" on my chest.

 

He doesn't need you by his side while speaking to his lawyer. Tell him to call you when he's divorced and only then will you date him casually. Until then, try your best to stop contact with him.

[OWoman]

I agree with the other posters... ask him that he goes with his W instead.

 

 

OTC - he needs to go by himself. By going with ANYONE else, he's risking having his own needs and interests compromised, laying the foundation for future resentment should things now work out to his ideal imaginings.

 

If he's truly committed to going through with this, he'd be reporting back having been to the lawyer, and having begun the process - not by begging someone to hold his hand and help him to be brave.

[Mino]

Hmm, I guess I see it differently,,, I would want to go... since he coped out last time, I want to see him sign the paperwork...to retain, and see that he also puts money down...Dont need to be there any other time there after, Just the first visit where he acually make a commitment with his MONEY:o

[OWoman]

Hmm, I guess I see it differently,,, I would want to go... since he coped out last time, I want to see him sign the paperwork...to retain, and see that he also puts money down...Dont need to be there any other time there after, Just the first visit where he acually make a commitment with his MONEY:o

 

that still doesn't prevent him from pulling out later - and resenting the OW for having put him under pressure to go ahead with something he wasn't ready to do. It's one of those things that can turn around and bite badly!

[GreenEyedLady]

Ok, I think it depends on how close you are to him. My H was/is also my best friend so if he had asked me to go, I would have.

 

Do you think he's doing it in bad faith?

 

Or do you think he just needs moral support?

 

Where do you live? Unless it's real small town, I'd bet this isn't the first time an attorney would meet the OP. They're in Family Law. Divorce is their bread and butter.

 

Do what you feel comfortable with.

[NoIDidn't]

Needs moral support? LMAO.

 

Do you really intend to suggest that she add insult to injury to this man's marriage? He should respect his marriage, his W, his kids and family, and her far more than to ask her to see an attorney about HIS marraige with him.

 

Does he ask his W to drop him off at the OW's house for "moral support"?

 

That's just ridiculous.

 

I agree with WS. Personal boundaries should keep you from making yourself looking like a "marital aide" in front of any lawyer he sees. If he copped out before, would you go just to make sure that he went. That makes you look like a "nanny".

 

Don't go. Let him pull up his big boy panties and go alone. Or ask the guy who served as his Best Man in his wedding to go. That would be far more appropriate.

[GreenEyedLady]

Needs moral support? LMAO.

 

Do you really intend to suggest that she add insult to injury to this man's marriage? He should respect his marriage, his W, his kids and family, and her far more than to ask her to see an attorney about HIS marraige with him.

 

I think it's pretty clear as OP, that we don't care about the M. We care about our partner.

 

And I gave MY opinion as ridiculous as it is to you.

[GreenEyedLady]

Needs moral support? LMAO.

 

Do you really intend to suggest that she add insult to injury to this man's marriage? He should respect his marriage, his W, his kids and family, and her far more than to ask her to see an attorney about HIS marraige with him.

 

Does he ask his W to drop him off at the OW's house for "moral support"?

 

That's just ridiculous.

 

I agree with WS. Personal boundaries should keep you from making yourself looking like a "marital aide" in front of any lawyer he sees. If he copped out before, would you go just to make sure that he went. That makes you look like a "nanny".

 

Don't go. Let him pull up his big boy panties and go alone. Or ask the guy who served as his Best Man in his wedding to go. That would be far more appropriate.

 

Look, NID, I gave MY opinion.

 

I think it's pretty clear as an OP, is that we don't care about the M, plain and simple. We care about our partner.

 

So ridiculous or not, I gave MY opinion.

[frannie]

Visiting an attorney, especially for an initial consult (which this would bve for this attorney) is very easy and involves no paperwork, no committment to action. Its nothing. People visit attys. all the time for an initial and don't return. Either they are just interviewing attys, or they change their mind.

 

I'm sorry, with this mans history of smoke and mirrors and tossing you tidbits of hope...

 

There is no reason for you to be at an attys. meeting. None. It serves no point unless he is just using this as a ploy to show you he is moving forward. He is hoping this ploy will be enough to give you hope to continue the affair.

 

Based on his history, I completely agree with 2sure here.

 

There's no reason for you to be there, it's actually counter-productive. And he can 'engage' as many attourneys as he likes, it doesn't mean he has any intention of going through with it.

[NoIDidn't]

I think it's pretty clear as OP, that we don't care about the M. We care about our partner.

 

And I gave MY opinion as ridiculous as it is to you.

 

Look, NID, I gave MY opinion.

 

I think it's pretty clear as an OP, is that we don't care about the M, plain and simple. We care about our partner.

 

So ridiculous or not, I gave MY opinion.

 

So nice, you said it twice?

 

I know it was your opinion, GEL. I gave my opinion of it. And it IS ridiculous. Put yourself in the position of a W here. Would you want your new husband visiting a divorce attorney with his girlfriend in tow? You don't find that offensive?

 

Forget the whole "OP cares about the MP not the marriage" bit. Whether the OP cares about the marriage or not, an action such as this is an act of aggression. A disrespectful, act of aggression on the marriage and the betrayed. And its not called for.

 

I've read of several cases where this did indeed happen and when the BS found out - all hell broke loose. And when the courts are apprised of such undertakings, it is the making of being "taken to the cleaners".

 

If the OP wants the MP free and clear, accompanying them to the attorney is not the way to get it.

 

Regardless of all that I said, though. I happen to agree with 2sure and frannie. Its no more than a ploy in this case. But one that could certainly get him divorced if his BW finds out about it.

[Reggie]

Good God.Why does he want his affair partner to accompany him to see an attorney? What reason does he give you? The guy sounds nuts. This is between him and his betrayed wife. This guy is an insensitive fool and you should run from him.

[SierraRose]

His legalities are his issues, not yours. Tell him to give you a call when the papers are signed.

[NoIDidn't]

Good God.Why does he want his affair partner to accompany him to see an attorney? What reason does he give you? The guy sounds nuts. This is between him and his betrayed wife. This guy is an insensitive fool and you should run from him.

 

I tend not to name call, but this is ridiculous. It takes a real loser to suggest something like this.

 

What if his kids find out that he took another woman, the woman he promised to marry after he dumps their mom, to the divorce attorney?

 

Believe me, I've said before that my dad is a serial cheat. But he would NEVER stoop this low.

 

I recall reading on another forum where a doctor who had a baby with his OW took her with him to the divorce attorney. He was trying to get his W admitted into a mental institution because he was trying to drive her insane. Well, good for her, it wasn't taking and she hired a PI. The PI got pictures of him, his OW, and their baby visiting the lawyer.

 

He lost EVERYTHING. His medical practice, his money, his reputation. EVERYTHING.

 

Is this what the OP wants for her R with this MM? I know she said she doesn't feel right about going (good for her), but there are real consequences to getting caught while doing so.

[wildsoul]

I recall reading on another forum where a doctor who had a baby with his OW took her with him to the divorce attorney. He was trying to get his W admitted into a mental institution because he was trying to drive her insane. Well, good for her, it wasn't taking and she hired a PI. The PI got pictures of him, his OW, and their baby visiting the lawyer.

 

He lost EVERYTHING. His medical practice, his money, his reputation. EVERYTHING.

Wow, that's extreme but makes a great point about how this can backfire on the OW. Even if it wasn't about the BS hiring a PI, lesser set ups could occur.

 

For example, if there's a D-day during the divorce negotiations and the MM decides to minimize his guilt, he could easily say "She is the one that pushed me to get divorced. She even went to the attorney with me!"

 

Another very likely scenario can happen even if his separation/divorce moves forward. When he hits the guilt/remorse phase over leaving his M (and he WILL, just ask any of us who've been with separated men) he might begin to blame you for "pushing" him to go through this painful process. Even though he invited you to the lawyer, he will probably remember it as you going with him because it was what you were gunning for the whole time.

 

Spinning Head: is this a mute point now? Did he go to the attorney yet? What did you decide?

[NoIDidn't]

I think its moot for Spinning, as she didn't seem to enthused with his offer to begin with.

 

Did he go alone already or is he still trying to get her to go with him is what I wonder? Because he is the one that initiated this, not her. If he were here, I'd ask him how he could even fathom such a dumb idea. Even if it is only a ploy to get Spinning to hang on in the affair longer, its a dumb offer.

 

He has far more to lose if this came of knowledge to his W.

[Reggie]

I tend not to name call, but this is ridiculous. It takes a real loser to suggest something like this.

 

What if his kids find out that he took another woman, the woman he promised to marry after he dumps their mom, to the divorce attorney?

 

Believe me, I've said before that my dad is a serial cheat. But he would NEVER stoop this low.

 

I recall reading on another forum where a doctor who had a baby with his OW took her with him to the divorce attorney. He was trying to get his W admitted into a mental institution because he was trying to drive her insane. Well, good for her, it wasn't taking and she hired a PI. The PI got pictures of him, his OW, and their baby visiting the lawyer.

 

He lost EVERYTHING. His medical practice, his money, his reputation. EVERYTHING.

 

Is this what the OP wants for her R with this MM? I know she said she doesn't feel right about going (good for her), but there are real consequences to getting caught while doing so.

 

Uh, I think that is what i was saying.

[KismetGirl]

yeah.....that's one of the worst ideas ive ever heard.

 

My mom's friend had an affair and cheated on his W, and his OW insisted on being in the freaking courtroom every time they had a proceeding and going to attorney with him, which only served to infuriate his soon to be xW, and made him look bad for the judge, and let me tell you, that exW of his took his ass to the cleaner's. I mean, he had a good amount of money and she took well part of it, the condo, the jag, everything. Poro bastard was half wiped out, and all cause his stupid OW just HAD to insist on being there throught the divorce proceedings.

 

In this case, the MM is being the stupid one. The OP shoudl stay out of the legalities, she has nothing to do with it and will only confuse things. And frankly, he's a big boy, and shoudl be able to make decisions about the D with his attorney.

[Spinning Head]

UPDATE: The attorney cancelled the appointment with XMM (I heard the message). XMM has an appointment on Wednesday to meet with the attorney. I am not going to the appointment. I told XMM to tell the attorney everything - including my involvement in XMM's life.

 

I attended a Christmas function yesterday in the town in which XMM resides. XMM was in the parking lot when I arrived to the event. XMM walked into the event with me and my children then left. XMM later informed me that there were several people at the event whom he knew. XMM returned to his office then met us later for supper. XMM's wife appeared at his office later that evening asking him why he did not leave me alone.

 

I cannot handle the turmoil and drama anymore! I need to move on. There is always an excuse as to why XMM cannot leave. So, I gave XMM a deadline of 12/26 to leave his marriage. XMM's wife and sons know about his relationship with me and continued contact with me. XMM's wife has not kicked him out of the house after knowing about the affair for a few months. XMM has not moved out of the house. I decided that I need to break the triangle as everyone is miserable, unhappy and the drama is too much for me.

 

I receive several text messages each day from XMM - how much he loves me, how insensitive he is, how he cannot wait to have a future with me, etc., etc., etc. I guess it is a need that he has to have someone tell him that he is loved as he apparently is not told that at home.

 

About sixteen years ago, XMM left his W and two young sons on 11/19. He moved back with his W after about four months. So, excuses such as 'it is the holidays', 'my wife is crying and I can't leave', etc. - at this point fall on deaf ears for me.

 

This R is just wearing me out.

[Reggie]

This guy is a complete jerk. What do you see in him?

[jj33]

So hes meeting the attorney on Christmas Eve and you are giving him 2 days to leave? I think you are setting yourself up for failure there. Who knows what the attorney will say - I mean does someone really leave 2 days later?

 

Youve already given him a billion deadlines none of which he has met. You may be a lot better off just stepping away until he HAS actually left. Hes a big boy if he wants to do it he can. It may not be over the holidays it may be January 15th. But you shouldnt be hanging in the balance.

 

I hope it works out for you.