2sure Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 Confoozed - I may be one of the people who has offended you with the tone of my last response. I still feel exactly the same way. You ask "who" are we? I am a BS so I bring that with that me. I believe my marriage is recovering. Before meeting & being marriedto my H, I was an OW of 4 years so I bring that with me too. I don't have a lot guilt, but note Karma seems to have stopped at my door. I'm just an anonymous icon in a little black dress. To be honest, I'm not much more noticable in real life, except I have a head. But confoozed, my advice was thought out, and sincere. It was HARSH. Probably you are a good person...good people f up. Affairs happen. This is not about an A. Seriously, Your behavior right now is something you will look back on and be horrified at. I think you should keep posting. You are not seeing the obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
redfathom Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 If he moves out and cuts all contact with his OW now, he risks losing her - and possibly not getting his W back, and landing up alone. Boo-hoo! Can you get any more selfish then to stay with someone you are a complete arse to just so you aren't alone! I don't think it's a midlife crisis, that means that you can and will get over this and I think it goes deeper then that. The amount of pain hed caused his wife, more then once, is not something someone in a miflife crisis would do. Maybe once, yes, but over and over, I doubt it. I think your message to men needs to be think before you leap in to an affair. Once you cheated you lost all of those things (respect of family and friends, your lifestyle, etc), only your wife was willing to give them back to you, three times, and you blew it. Again, you are just selfish! Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 I think the OP has gotten his mind around the narcissism aspect that has ballooned within his psyche. The questions that begs though are now that he's gotten a taste of this extreme end of his personality does he want to go back to the same guy he was prior to this experience and will he do the heavy lifting required to deflate this balloon by perfoming the necessary penance to atone for his misdeeds? Therein lies the miricale! Link to post Share on other sites
Athena Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 Pelican I like your new avatar. I also like your posts -- just have to ask, are you a psychologist?! Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 Pelican I like your new avatar. I also like your posts -- just have to ask, are you a psychologist?! You can thank You'reasian for he not only assisted in providing it he provided the instruction to upload it! Professionally, I'm just a lowly loan officer ... saving souls one dime at time, LOL! :bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 OOPS! Spelled miracle wrong didn't I! If I'm not defrocked I'll definately get defeathered! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confoozed Posted December 12, 2008 Author Share Posted December 12, 2008 So... which is it, PushMe-PullYou? "Should I stay or should I go?" Have you always agonized over decisions like this, or is this just part of your current state? You seem to be doing the exact same thing to your W and OW. I'm getting the impression that you don't hold women in high regard, in general. You take them for granted, and you don't treat them as sentient beings. More like your personal pincushions. Am I wrong? On the first point, what I meant is I do plan to continue posting new threads and adding to others'; I just figured I'd said enough on this one. Or almost enough, given that I am now responding to this. And on the second point, yes, you are wrong. This is just the type of thing I was referring to when I posted my complaint about some of the responses I was getting. Because I made one humongous mistake -- or a series of related ones -- I'm branded as a woman-hater who doesn't treat them as though they have brains or feelings? I gather you're the type of person who sees the world in black and white, right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confoozed Posted December 12, 2008 Author Share Posted December 12, 2008 I think the OP has gotten his mind around the narcissism aspect that has ballooned within his psyche. The questions that begs though are now that he's gotten a taste of this extreme end of his personality does he want to go back to the same guy he was prior to this experience and will he do the heavy lifting required to deflate this balloon by perfoming the necessary penance to atone for his misdeeds? Therein lies the miricale! PP, this is insightful and even helpful. This is the sort of thing people look for when they post on these forums, not abuse. No one here can think worse of me than I do myself, so there's no point bothering. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 What some posters are saying to Conf, is what so many OW get upset about when BS's or anyone flame or be "harsh" towards OW in the other section. Why is it common respect and understanding is expected by OW but can't be given to a MM? Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 On the first point, what I meant is I do plan to continue posting new threads and adding to others'; I just figured I'd said enough on this one. Or almost enough, given that I am now responding to this. And on the second point, yes, you are wrong. This is just the type of thing I was referring to when I posted my complaint about some of the responses I was getting. Because I made one humongous mistake -- or a series of related ones -- I'm branded as a woman-hater who doesn't treat them as though they have brains or feelings? I gather you're the type of person who sees the world in black and white, right? I see the hurt that you are doling out to the women in your life who love you. And I do not understand why YOU don't see it, or seem to even care. It's all about what YOU want, isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 And I also find it interesting that you conveniently chiseled this part out of your response to me: This sounds to me like emotional blackmail. You don't know what you want, yet you're playing on her emotions like this, dangling your "new man" theory in front of her like a carrot to a donkey. You want to make sure she'll take you back, while not making any promises to her yourself. HUH?!? If your genders were reversed, a betrayed man in your W's position would NEVER let you get away with saying this to them!! Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 What some posters are saying to Conf, is what so many OW get upset about when BS's or anyone flame or be "harsh" towards OW in the other section. Why is it common respect and understanding is expected by OW but can't be given to a MM? Yes it's interesting isn't it? The ow are seeing the pain he is causing ow's and getting angry. Link to post Share on other sites
littleflowerpot Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 You have a good, faithful woman and you risk it all for some drama junkie which is what most OW are? I really do not understand men like you. Do you realize how many men wish they had a good wife who loved them. I could understand if you were married to some resentful nag who treated you like crap but by your own words there is nothing wrong with her. What possesed you to do this? Are you real? How easy it is to throw the OW under the bus like she isn't a human being. How easy to stereotype this woman based on your skewed assumptions. How easy it is for you to demonize this other person who made foolish and inconsiderate choices yet probably also felt she truly loved this man. Confoozed may not have intended to hurt two women as badly has he has but he and he alone needs to take responsibility for his own mistakes. The OW is probably hurting and confused herself and is probably not the demon your comments consistently try to paint her as. Link to post Share on other sites
datura_noir Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 Wow.... well, all I can say is that I am happy for your future therapist-in these troubled economic times, you have given them hope for steady employment...... Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 Are you real? How easy it is to throw the OW under the bus like she isn't a human being. How easy to stereotype this woman based on your skewed assumptions. How easy it is for you to demonize this other person who made foolish and inconsiderate choices yet probably also felt she truly loved this man. Confoozed may not have intended to hurt two women as badly has he has but he and he alone needs to take responsibility for his own mistakes. The OW is probably hurting and confused herself and is probably not the demon your comments consistently try to paint her as. :laugh:oh please. A woman getting involved with a MARRIED MAN knows exactly what she is doing. Sneaking around and lurking in the shadows for years. Hiding from the wife and deluding herself that she has a real relationship while he goes home to his real family every night. A real woman would not live this way and a real man would not do this to two woman. He would make an immediate decision if he really loved the ow. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 Are you real? How easy it is to throw the OW under the bus like she isn't a human being. How easy to stereotype this woman based on your skewed assumptions. How easy it is for you to demonize this other person who made foolish and inconsiderate choices yet probably also felt she truly loved this man. Confoozed may not have intended to hurt two women as badly has he has but he and he alone needs to take responsibility for his own mistakes. The OW is probably hurting and confused herself and is probably not the demon your comments consistently try to paint her as. I never said that she isn't a human being but there are deep seeded reasons why certain women seek out MM. For him to throw away a relationship with a good and loving woman which is not easy to find these days over a woman who is just addicted to a jerk is just idiocy. The OW is not a demon and he has nobody but himself to blame for his actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 Are you real? How easy it is to throw the OW under the bus like she isn't a human being. How easy to stereotype this woman based on your skewed assumptions. How easy it is for you to demonize this other person who made foolish and inconsiderate choices yet probably also felt she truly loved this man. Confoozed may not have intended to hurt two women as badly has he has but he and he alone needs to take responsibility for his own mistakes. The OW is probably hurting and confused herself and is probably not the demon your comments consistently try to paint her as. Ow is a human being. But, she is also a party to what most experts consider the most severe form of emotional abuse. infidelity. As such, she has contributed to immnense suffering by his wife. She has demonstrated cruelty just like Confoozed. If she is hurt, it is self inflicted and results from her cruel choice to aid in the betrayl of an innocent victime, the wife. Hard to have much sympathy for someone displaying this type of callousness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 What some posters are saying to Conf, is what so many OW get upset about when BS's or anyone flame or be "harsh" towards OW in the other section. Why is it common respect and understanding is expected by OW but can't be given to a MM? Yes it's interesting isn't it? The ow are seeing the pain he is causing ow's and getting angry. :laugh:oh please. A woman getting involved with a MARRIED MAN knows exactly what she is doing. Sneaking around and lurking in the shadows for years. Hiding from the wife and deluding herself that she has a real relationship while he goes home to his real family every night. A real woman would not live this way and a real man would not do this to two woman. He would make an immediate decision if he really loved the ow. Very good point! They also tell people to "stay out of our forum and go to the infidelity forum instead!" Yet, here they are bashing on this guy. Yes - quite interesting. You know, at least the guy is coming on here admitting he's a f up. Hopefully, he'll improve himself where R's are concerned, regardless of his wife's decision. You guys are all wrong! He's catching hell from the OWs because his premise is "don't leave" for one. And then he has the gall to *gasp* detail why the OW wasn't the best choice for him. They feel that he has insulted them (as fellow OWs) and used her. So they are totally justified in crapping all over his thread in their reasoning. Link to post Share on other sites
81West Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 You guys are all wrong! He's catching hell from the OWs because his premise is "don't leave" for one. And then he has the gall to *gasp* detail why the OW wasn't the best choice for him. They feel that he has insulted them (as fellow OWs) and used her. So they are totally justified in crapping all over his thread in their reasoning. I'd say he was catching hell from the intuitive. Those who sensed that any woman in this guy's life might be unusually vulnerable to suffering. The partisan moralists seemed to have missed all that for the most part. As per his follow up thread, less than 48 hours later, the OW was once again the better choice and his wife relegated to someone who needed to be freed to someone who could actually appreciate her capacity for 'boundless love'. A rare couple of days of 'clarity', he said. Emotionally brutal to be anywhere near this guy, whoever you are, as far as I can tell. Link to post Share on other sites
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