NYgirlinLA Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I ended a relationship with my ex 2 months ago on account of him not being able to fully let me in. After his divorce 4 years ago, he said his biggest fear is someone being emotionally dependent on him and him letting them down. We were together for 10 months, and it was great until the last month. He started getting spooked and my patience wore thin. I told him he had to allow himself to be more vulnerable with me and he said he didn't know how. So I walked away and told him I wanted to be with someone who wasn't afraid of love and was optimistic about it also. The break up was amicable but incredibly sad for both of us. I never told him that I had fallen in love with him. I just said goodbye and left. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]So far it’s been 2 months of no contact. His birthday is today and I have been having the internal struggle on whether I should break it and wish him a happy birthday. I am not ready to see him or chat, but I would hope he would wish me happy birthday on mine. Just wanted to see what others thought. [/FONT][/COLOR] Link to post Share on other sites
Goingon Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 If you are not ready to see him or chat I wouldn't break NC because it will probably lead to it, or make things harder for you to refuse to if he asks it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NYgirlinLA Posted December 9, 2008 Author Share Posted December 9, 2008 Thanks so much for your response, Goingon. I actually know him well enough to know that I would get a "thanks" and maybe an invitation to start some dialogue, but it would be polite and pointless. There won't be an invite to meet up. I am kind and I still care for him, but I don't want pointless dialogue. Maybe I'll just not respond to him afterwards. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 If it was me, I would skip sending him the card all together. There is a lot of room for interpretation, and it opens a can of worms. He might take it as a sign you want to chat and pursue you, or he might be mad and throw the card away, and never respond. Either one of those are not what you want, and while thats not the only possible outcome, I think him sending a simple 'thanks' and leaving it at that is probably wishful thinking. If you dont want pointless dialogue, dont send the card. Sadly, thats all the card would be, despite your best efforts. Link to post Share on other sites
FF84 Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 You've done 2 months of no contact, stick with it. A birthday is not reason enough to break NC, when it comes down to it a birthday isn't that big a deal, it's just another day. In any case, you're not with this guy anymore. You don't owe him anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NYgirlinLA Posted December 9, 2008 Author Share Posted December 9, 2008 Thanks so much for your replies guys! I haven't really spoken about this birthday dilemma with anyone and it's so good to get some feedback! [sIZE=3][FONT=Garamond][/FONT][/sIZE] I keep thinking about the really nice evening he planned for my birthday this summer. Granted we were together then, but it was one of the nicest birthdays I had in a long time. I am grateful for that night and all the time we spent together and even though in the end he couldn't jump in with both feet, he was never a jerk or treated me badly. We still have a very deep respect for each other as we have both touched each other’s lives. I don't want him to think I ignored his birthday and didn't appreciate what we had or I am bitter because I am not. Even though it’s over, I have nothing but good thoughts for him. He was one of the most wonderful people I have met in my life. And I can't say that about ANY of my other exs. I am still on the fence about sending the card today – which he will get in few days. I tell myself that it’s from the heart, and if it comes from the heart, then it can’t be a bad choice. But the only thing that is in the way is I still love him. And I know I would be scared to death to speak to him right now after he gets the card. Is it not possible to send the card and then just LET IT BE? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
BCCA Posted December 9, 2008 Share Posted December 9, 2008 Thats the catch, you cant control anyone else's thoughts. You might want to send the card and 'let it be' but you cant predict what he'll do or think when he gets it. I dont think he'll think youre an insensitive jerk forever if you didnt acknowledge his birthday. Its really better to let it go. To every woman out there, once youve dumped someone, the nicest thing you can possibly do is dissapear from their life completely...for a very long time, as in, several years at least. Any contact you make will probably make him think you want something, sex or a relationship, and when it turns out that you just wanted to be friendly and send a card, he'll be even more upset and be less likely to ever want to be platonic. As hard as it is, the best thing you can do when you break up is to make a clean break and go on with life as though your paths may never cross again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NYgirlinLA Posted December 9, 2008 Author Share Posted December 9, 2008 So sad. I would love to have him in my life again but I know I can't do it now unless he is willing to give me his all. If it wasn't his birthday, I wouldn't even question breaking NC. I never had plans to reach out to him over the holidays, but I feel birthdays are different. I know I am sentimental and I would be hurt. But I guess the card isn't a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
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