Staying a virgin vs. Losing virginity before marriage

[blazkowicz]

Well... I'm 20 yo guy and I happen to be a Virgin. So, I've been thinking about this thing for a long time, but I can't draw a conclusion which option will work better for me? So here is my little comparison.

 

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Staying a virgin & Getting married to a virgin partner

 

Pros :

1) No STD

2) No Pregnancy

3) No guilt after marriage

4) You won't be criticized on your shabby performance

5) When you become 40 and still a virgin, you'll be issued a medal from the government (I think my grandfather has one from Franklin Roosevelt...) and they will make a movie out of your life

 

Cons :

1) Completely inexperienced, clumsy

2) Have to wait many more years

3) You have no clue what your sex life will turn out to be when you're married. It's possible you'll have an incredibly unsatisfying sex life after all the years of waiting.

4) Majority of girls probably won't even go out with a virgin

5) It's extremely hard to find a virgin girl to get married (and I live in California.. please wish me a luck.)

6) If you get married to a person who's not a virgin, you'll feel cheated and disappointed.

 

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Losing Virginity before Marriage

 

Pros :

1) You'll be experienced and more desired by girls

2) You don't have to wait. It's gonna be fun

3) By having sex before marriage, you will know if you'll have a satisfying sex life after marriage. (test drive theory)

4) You don't have to stress out finding a virgin partner

5) You'll encourage America's economy by purchasing condoms (patriotism!)

 

Cons :

1) Risk of STD contraction

2) Risk of Pregnancy

3) No medal from the government

4) There can be a guilt after marriage, if your partner happen to feel jealous about your past

5) If you're a jealous person, you'll have to deal with your girlfriend or wife's past... and you'll have a hard time with it, depends on who you are.

6) If you have a religion, it's against God's will.

 

 

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What's your thought on this?

[SoulSearch_CO]

Man...people write some weird first posts.

 

What are you talking about with the medal? One too many hits on something is what I'm thinking. LOL

 

Anyway...I was raised very strictly to believe in NO sex before marriage, PERIOD. Did not matter how committed you were to the person. Until you were married, you did NOT have sex.

 

My outlook now - I think sex is an important part of marriage and establishing whether or not that compatibility is there is pretty important. Since I've already had sex, I can't relate to the virgin thing anymore.

 

But growing up, I know a lot of people that rushed into marriage because they had killer attraction to a certain somebody. Some of these unions ended up mistakes. I think hormones can cloud some people's minds, unfortunately, making them idealize somebody. Once the curiosity has been satisfied and the honeymoon is over, you could be in for a rude awakening. I'm not saying this is always the case, I'm just saying that it could very well be possible.

 

I'd rather see if we were compatible sexually before marrying the guy since I do believe in monogamy. I don't want a bad sex life for the rest of my life.

[Walk]

If you don't have sex prior to marriage then you will never understand how the clit works. If you don't figure it out, then you're wife will leave you.

[kashmir]

This is just my opinion, so no one should take it personally, but...

 

Marriage is such a joke. Why do you need it to be official that you love someone? The only reason the whole institution of marriage still exists is that women would go nuts if they didn't get to have weddings.

 

I'll probably get married some day, but only for legal benefits. If I love a woman, I don't need anyone to tell me that we're officially together.

 

The whole idea of waiting for marriage to have sex was a noble one, but it's out dated. Ever since modern forms of birth control and protection were invented, there has been no real reason to wait. Sex isn't such a grand and sacred thing as they make it out to be. It's a dude sticking his shlong inside a woman. That ain't that sacred. All mammals do it, and they do it a lot.

 

Now, sex has the value that you make it out to be, but a lot of people tend to build it up too much. I remember the first time I had sex I was thinking, "This is it?" After years of having sex hyped up in every medium I experienced, I pretty much expected to see a great white light when my penis entered the vagina, with little angels floating around it blowing horns and blessing it with holy vagina water. Obviously that didn't happen. After a few times of having sex with whomever I decided that I'd rather wait for a girl that I was actually attracted to and had feelings for, so I am putting some value on sex now, but it certainly won't be with the one I want to marry.

[Shygirl15]

Man...people write some weird first posts.

 

My thoughts exactly, SS.

 

I think some people are overthinking this virginity thing, honestly. No use for you (especially as a man) to remain a virgin all that long. Go out there and get as much experience as you can get, so that you can later please your GF, wife or whatever, with all that experience you acquired.

 

That medal thing is a total psycho.

[blazkowicz]

That medal thing is a total psycho.

 

People don't have a sense of humor these days...

[Citizen Erased]

5) You'll encourage America's economy by purchasing condoms (patriotism!)

 

I love it. Don't spend more on Christmas presents this year, have more sex!

 

This place is a hoot sometimes.

[CandyGirlXO]

Yeah no point in waiting till marriage. Just puts too much pressure, and what are the chances of finding a virgin wife? I only know 3 couples that have waited, and I think that is nuts.

 

1 of them Mormon, 1 of them Christian (they didn't even spend the night together.... EVER), and the other just wanted to wait.

[Growingup]

21 yr old here and I was a virgin until recently had sex with my ex....it was a big meh, she was like "yay, high five how was it?". I was like really that was okay... I guess... but ya sex isn't that big of a deal. Personally I like BJ's better.

 

I had plenty of opportunities before I just never wanted to do it with someone I didn't care for but I was never going to wait until marriage because I don't plan on getting married until I'm way into my career.

[norajane]

The first time, or the first few times, really don't amount to much. That's not likely to be the best sex you've ever had, far from it!

 

Sex is incredible when you are with someone where you share a passion for each other, and have emotional and intellectual intimacy as well as physical. If you have that with someone, that's when you will really "get" what is awesome about sex.

 

If you feel the need to wait for sex, that's what you should wait for, not marriage.

[SoulSearch_CO]

I remember the first time I had sex I was thinking, "This is it?"

Kashmir...so confused. Have you slept with somebody or not:

I can't vouch for myself in bed since I really have never slept with anyone, but I'd be willing to bet that I would be pretty good.

 

This isn't normally a question that I would think is any of my business, but you're the one who brought it up. I've just been trying to figure out how you can have it both ways. If you can, maybe I could just say I'm a virgin in spite of my one marriage and the 4 other "conquests." I just found the contradiction funny.

[BrooklynBridge]

Here we go again...........

[MusicChick24]

Well I guess you should look at it this way. What are your personal beliefs/background? What do YOU want to do? I know you seem quite confused. See, for me I am all for marrying the virgin guy, or the guy who lost his virginity with me, because personally I don't want to be with a guy who's had more partners than I can count on one hand. But other people feel differently.

 

 

Leave it up to what you think would benefit you.

 

<3

[berrieh]

I don't see why it has to be a big decision.

 

Why not take virginity one day at a time?

 

When you feel like you've met the person you want to lose it to, then decide if you're ready.

 

Maybe you'll be ready before marriage, maybe you won't be. Most people, nowadays, are...and someone should never get married just to have sex. That's a recipe for disaster.

 

But, before you've met someone you really like enough to sleep with, it shouldn't even matter... no?

[JohnnyBlaze]

Blazkowicz, to answer your questions, I'm not the kind who'll go out and sleep with anything with a pulse (I used to be, but then I though "why limit myself?" j/k), but I have slept with girls that I didn't intend to marry...and one that I did intend to, although things didn't turn out as planned. Point being, it all depends on you and the girl. If you both want to, then go for it. If you don't, then wait. There's no term contract associated with virginity; you can wake up one morning and decide that today's the day. It's all about what you feel comfortable with.

 

As to the medal, I'd much rather have soft, warm skin pressing against me than cold hard metal (pun intended) any day.

 

I remember the first time I had sex I was thinking, "This is it?"

I was the other way. My first time, I was thinking 'THIS IS IT!!!" I credit it to her leading the way (so to speak), but the first time was pretty darn good for me, and her! She accused me of lying to her when I told her she was my first; I had to go get my friends to convince her that I was serious. (Admittedly, that part was more than a little embarrassing. You try asking your friends to tell your girlfriend that you really WERE a virgin before you met her!)

[kashmir]

Kashmir...so confused. Have you slept with somebody or not:

 

 

This isn't normally a question that I would think is any of my business, but you're the one who brought it up. I've just been trying to figure out how you can have it both ways. If you can, maybe I could just say I'm a virgin in spite of my one marriage and the 4 other "conquests." I just found the contradiction funny.

 

I've had sex 3 times, all drunken one night stands with girls I didn't have an emotional connection for. The first time it was like "uh, what the hell do I do?" But by the third time the girl said I was good and that I made her come, and she was pretty experienced. Those were a while ago, though, and I've yet to really enjoy sex, so I don't really count those times or like to think of them as having slept with someone. I still consider myself a quasi-virgin and am waiting for a girl who might really change my mind about sec.

[JohnnyBlaze]

Kashmir, virginity isn't really a 'quasi' thing. It's more like binary. There's 1 and 0 and that's all there is. There isn't any middle ground on this one; you either is or you isn't. If you have to qualify your virginity, then you isn't. Heck, if not having done it in a while or not enjoying it were deciding factors, then between one or the other, just about everybody would be a virgin!

[kashmir]

I guess you didn't get that I was being a bit funny and whimsical by calling myself a quasi-virgin. Yeah, I know that I'm not one, but it's kinda like going to your first baseball game and it being canceled because of rain. You went to it, but it wasn't all you bargained for.

[JohnnyBlaze]

Fair 'nuff. I just got worried there for a minute; I have heard people seriously call themselves semi-virgins, and it absolutely baffles me every time.

[carhill]

If you don't have sex prior to marriage then you will never understand how the clit works. If you don't figure it out, then you're wife will leave you.

 

:D Doesn't matter; they leave anyway.

[Scottdmw]

One thing you didn't include on your list is emotional attachment. It hits different people differently--some can have sex and break up and not care much. Others are devastated, and they may not realize how badly until after the breakup when it's too late to do anything. That was my experience, personally. One of the reasons people argue for remaining virgins until marriage is that you have less risk of entering marriage with a bunch of scars and baggage from painful past breakups.

 

Sex is designed by nature to make two people bond through the action of oxytocin and other hormones. That's what it's supposed to do. If you bond with the "wrong" person and break up, it's quite possibly going to hurt you badly.

[MissTiger]

You should wait until marriage because you don't want to regret giving your virginity away to a woman who you won't spend the rest of your life with.

 

I'm a virgin and proud of it and you should be too.

[SoulSearch_CO]

Gotcha, Kashmir. I was just really confused. LOL So I could say I'm quasi..... um, nope, not at all.

[norajane]

One thing you didn't include on your list is emotional attachment. It hits different people differently--some can have sex and break up and not care much. Others are devastated, and they may not realize how badly until after the breakup when it's too late to do anything. That was my experience, personally. One of the reasons people argue for remaining virgins until marriage is that you have less risk of entering marriage with a bunch of scars and baggage from painful past breakups.

 

Sex is designed by nature to make two people bond through the action of oxytocin and other hormones. That's what it's supposed to do. If you bond with the "wrong" person and break up, it's quite possibly going to hurt you badly.

 

And if you marry that "wrong" person, the divorce will hurt even worse than a break-up. Marrying someone is no guarantee you won't break-up. Imagine the baggage you'd have to carry after a failed marriage.

[SierraRose]

First of all the only one who will know u r a virgin is you. Second of all, the stigma of first time sex is overrated. I waited, the first time I did it..I thought "that's it?" Go with your heart...if it's right, it's right....