orangehose Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 I don't really count those times or like to think of them as having slept with someone. Not to sound petty, but I hope for accounting purposes, "I haven't really slept with anyone" doesn't REALLY equal "had sex with 3 people" in your book. Reminds me of a friend who doesn't count one-night stands, because, well, they just last a night. She could have had 20 different one-night stands, and still, her stated number was '2'. Whatever I understand though a few random hookups do not make for substantial experience. Anyway, getting back to the thread's topic, I think 'waiting for marriage' is basically obsolete in a culture where there's a huge gap between puberty and marriage, a high divorce rate, and a good number of people who never marry at all. If I had waited for marriage, well... I might have died a virgin Link to post Share on other sites
orangehose Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Oh yeah, and I've definitely seen religious couples rush to marriage so they can have sex. Just lessens the sanctity (if any) of marriage if the main impetus is hormonal. Link to post Share on other sites
MissTiger Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 Oh yeah, and I've definitely seen religious couples rush to marriage so they can have sex. Just lessens the sanctity (if any) of marriage if the main impetus is hormonal. It's not hormonal, it's doing the right thing and having self-respect and the respect for your spouse. And doing the right thing in the eyes of God. I'll get married a virgin because of true love for my husband, not because my hormones are running high. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 I'll get married a virgin because of true love for my husband, not because my hormones are running high. You may not be able to tell the difference between hormones and true love. Rather, the hormones may be feeding into what you believe to be true love, when, really, it's not the kind of love that will stand the test of time when the hormones wear off. Link to post Share on other sites
MiniMina Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 I agree that you are putting way too much thought into this. Going out and having sex because you want to lose your virginity is a bad idea, and waiting until marriage because of some fantasy of what sex will be like is also a bad idea. Why not wait until you’re in a committed relationship with someone you love? In that situation, you two should be able to talk about the risk of pregnancy and precautions, and get tested for STDs together. I’m sure that if you slept with someone you were dating they would not make fun of your for being inexperienced. Sex only gets better with practice, what everyone’s been saying about it not being that amazing the first time is true. As for the part where you said: 6) If you have a religion, it's against God's will. Because you said "if" I’m going to assume that you are not a very religious person. In which case, why would that factor into your decision at all, and why would you eventually marry someone that forces their set of beliefs on you? That just seems like a recipe for disaster. Link to post Share on other sites
O'Malley Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 I think the virginity until marriage pledges overlook that a large part of exploring your sexuality is learning that biological reactions are not the same as actual emotional connections. Another aspect is that you are in charge of your sexuality -- learning, on your own, what arouses you, what fantasies and sexual behaviors you prefer. Sexual needs aren't static, anymore than relationships or marriages are. A little off topic: I can't go on the rest of my life being a semi-virgin. What in the name of all that's gracious is a semi-virgin? Here I'm a virgin, in America I'm not. What do they do, stamp it on your passport? --What's New, Pussycat? Link to post Share on other sites
MissTiger Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 He should stay a virgin till he's married. He won't have any regrets about anything and won't feel bad about losing it to the one he loves. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 You can still get STD's when you're married to someone. Link to post Share on other sites
MissTiger Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 You can still get STD's when you're married to someone. How is that possible? If the girl is a virgin when she sleeps with him, she can't have any STD's. I can see it being possible if that girl wasn't one. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 Depends on how one defines "virginity". STD's can be acquired outside of sexual intercourse (one definition of virginity). HSV-1 and HSV-2 would be examples. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 How is that possible? If the girl is a virgin when she sleeps with him, she can't have any STD's. I can see it being possible if that girl wasn't one. Hubby may have caught something when he slept with other women prior to the marriage. He can pass that onto his virgin bride. Men who carry HPV often have NO symptoms and don't even know it. That can also be the case with herpes. And chlamydia. And HIV for a long, long time. And, of course, there's cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 Your putting to much thought into this... First off it was amusing. Secondly are you even in a situation where you could lose your virginity... in other words is there a girl your attracted to who you think would have sex with you at the current moment... or is this all hypothetical... Finding a virgin woman isn't that hard actualy especially if your willing to get married soon or if when you are willing to get married you are dating people in their early twenties... Finally just make sure your going out there and dating whether your afraid to have sex or not. Seriously STD's shouldn't even be in your equation of whethre or not to have sex just purity because thats your only arguement. I personaly enjoy sex and did not choose to remain a virgin till marriage, I think its a boring way to go through life but you need to do whats good for you Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted December 13, 2008 Share Posted December 13, 2008 How is that possible? If the girl is a virgin when she sleeps with him, she can't have any STD's. I can see it being possible if that girl wasn't one. Well yeah, that's how I was seeing it, a girl who wasn't one. I forgot that I should've been thinking of one who is a virgin. But then how does an STD come about in the first place? Surely someone must have caught one not from having sex, otherwise if no one can catch one from not having sex, how can anyone pass one onto another person? It's a sorta chicken and egg thang. Link to post Share on other sites
gd26 Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 I am 27, female... still a virgin. And no, I'm not religious. It's just my personal ethics. I didn't want to have to deal with condoms breaking and unplanned pregnancies and STDs. I know sex often brings people closer, and I don't want to have to worry about being physical with someone not totally into me. If a man loves me, he will be willing to wait until being married. Why rush? Sure it's difficult sometimes. I recently loved a man who was my age and not a virgin. Although I wished he was a virgin, I just let it go and tried not to judge him... as his views on life have changed a lot over the years. However, I made it clear to him, that if he was interested in being with me, then we would abstain from pre-marital sex until we tied the knot. He was fine with this. Not many people wait these days, but I think it's really admirable for those who do. It really shows a personal ethic that is lacking these days. Link to post Share on other sites
MN randomguy Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 Your putting to much thought into this... I personaly enjoy sex and did not choose to remain a virgin till marriage, I think its a boring way to go through life but you need to do whats good for you These are two arguments that I'd like to dispute. 1. There's nothing wrong with thinking about what you do. Not thinking is what makes you do things you regret. 2. Abstaining doesn't mean you're asexual or less horny than anyone else. Of course sex is fun. That's why people do it. There are a lot of things that are pleasurable, and fun. That doesn't mean that its the right thing for you to do. I will agree with KMT that you do need to do what's good for you. I just think there's always another party and another girl who's willing to sleep with you. Make sure that you're not doing it just because you're supposed to or that you don't want to be the only one of your friends with your V-card. If you plan on being married some day remember that you're going to have to explain your past to your fiance'. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 I am 27, female... still a virgin. And no, I'm not religious. It's just my personal ethics. I didn't want to have to deal with condoms breaking and unplanned pregnancies and STDs. I know sex often brings people closer, and I don't want to have to worry about being physical with someone not totally into me. If a man loves me, he will be willing to wait until being married. Why rush? Sure it's difficult sometimes. I recently loved a man who was my age and not a virgin. Although I wished he was a virgin, I just let it go and tried not to judge him... as his views on life have changed a lot over the years. However, I made it clear to him, that if he was interested in being with me, then we would abstain from pre-marital sex until we tied the knot. He was fine with this. Not many people wait these days, but I think it's really admirable for those who do. It really shows a personal ethic that is lacking these days. So how quick could a guy tie the not with you if he was in love... you know if I met you said wow I'm in love... we dated for two months... could we have a weeding before a year? Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 If you plan on being married some day remember that you're going to have to explain your past to your fiance'. I hardly think any normal woman would mind if she knew that you've had sex quite a few times before. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 Yeah, especially when you still have contact with those past sexual partners (for non-sexual reasons)...... And, what is a "normal" woman, anyway? Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 Yeah, especially when you still have contact with those past sexual partners (for non-sexual reasons)...... And, what is a "normal" woman, anyway? Normal is... normal. Think about it. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 Yeah, I have, for about a half century. Hence the question Link to post Share on other sites
MN randomguy Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 Ross PK, I just like to use it as something to think about. A reply to your reply. I agree that most women aren't going to expect that you're a virgin. But, the'yll want to know that you're not the type to use someone for sex and that you've demonstrated a capability for monogamy. Link to post Share on other sites
spookie Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 The one couple I know who waited are pretty happy as far as happiness goes... but it turned out that the wife has some serious hangups about sex, so they never have it already, and it's only been one year. Personally, I waited until I was in love and could SEE myself marrying that person, which was the right decision for me, even though it ended. What I learned from that relationship though is that I really value sex in a loving context. With him, the sex was great - the rare times he let it happen. The rest of the time, I was miserable. Even though I really loved him, I'm glad it ended, for that reason. I can't wait to find someone I can have an amazing sex life with - and I'm certainly going to test-drive it before we get married. Link to post Share on other sites
gd26 Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 So how quick could a guy tie the not with you if he was in love... you know if I met you said wow I'm in love... we dated for two months... could we have a weeding before a year? You know, it really depends. If I am not very sure about the guy, then I say that I'd like to "take it slow" to give me a better idea about him. But if I find someone who I REALLY connect with, then I would want to take it fast... however, I'd still try to take it slow just to give the relationship a chance to develop strongly. So in either case I'd probably say that I want to "take it slow". I've learned from past experiences not to rush into anything to quickly, as whirlwind romances often burn out. At my age now (27), if I found the right guy... yes, I would be happy to get married within a year. I would just want to be careful though, as I've seen way too many marriages end in divorce. That's why I would make sure that me and him sit down and have many honest and open conversations about what is important to us in a relationship, what our thoughts are on finances/children/further education/housework/sexuality/conflict resolution etc, just to make sure that we are on the same page, and that there aren't too many surprise expectations coming to the surface later. Since I am looking for a life partner, and want to diminish the possibilities for a future divorce... I'd like to really ask the hard questions in the beginning. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Well yeah, that's how I was seeing it, a girl who wasn't one. I forgot that I should've been thinking of one who is a virgin. But then how does an STD come about in the first place? Surely someone must have caught one not from having sex, otherwise if no one can catch one from not having sex, how can anyone pass one onto another person? It's a sorta chicken and egg thang. You can still catch an STD by using an infected needle, one of the leading cause of HIV. Even if that person was a virgin and he/she uses that infected needle, they will be spreading you that disease, that's how it started. Link to post Share on other sites
MN randomguy Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 You can still catch an STD by using an infected needle, one of the leading cause of HIV. Even if that person was a virgin and he/she uses that infected needle, they will be spreading you that disease, that's how it started. I think most people who are concerned virgin or non-virgin will be pretty anti-drug user that shares needles. Link to post Share on other sites
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