littlequip Posted September 11, 2003 Share Posted September 11, 2003 I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years this month. We met the second week of my freshman year of college... He is 4.5 years older than me - which means when I met him, I was 17 and he was 22. (Don't worry, we didn't start dating until I was 18) We have been through everything together-we have grown together through every obstacle. I am finishing up grad school and will be done in May. We have never really talked about marrying each other... our marriage talks consist of..."when I get married.. blah blah.." or "in MY wedding..." I don't want to assume that I'm the one he'll marry, but I really love him more than anything, and can't imagine myself spending the rest of my life with anyone else. He's the best person I've ever met and I don't want him to "get away." But... I also want to get a job, get married, buy a house, have children... I have told him I would like to be married for several years before having children, and that I'd like to have the majority of my children before 30. I will be 22 yrs old on our anniverasry this month. So, you can see my problem is.. I have the person I want to marry, I have a great career ahead of me... But we are now long distance, and I will need to decide where to start looking for work among other things. I think I deserve to at least know what his intentions are, but my attempts of bringing it up have failed. He dodges the subject every time. I know he loves me, I just want to know what's going to happen next... I can give more info if needed.. I just need some non-partial advice... thanks!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 11, 2003 Share Posted September 11, 2003 You are correct that you can't assume that he's the one you'll marry. Right now, the two of you are nothing more than dating. The decision is yours as to how much more time you want to give him. You certainly don't want to press somebody to marry you if they aren't ready or aren't inclined in that direction. Even though you have a lot invested in this relationship, that means nothing if he decides to drag things on for years. I think the best thing you can do is tell him just how you feel, that you don't like being up in the air, and that you totally understand where he's coming from. Give him what you feel is a reasonable time to come around...and you don't have to tell him you're doing that. Then, when time is up let him know you love him and wish him well but you want marriage and a family. If he doesn't make a move then, well...you got the wrong guy! Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted September 11, 2003 Share Posted September 11, 2003 TONY.... I'LL TAKE CAROLINA PANTHERS OVER TAMPA BAY BY 3 POINTS on Sunday!!! Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted September 11, 2003 Share Posted September 11, 2003 Littlequip... The longer you wait to marry, I think your chances go up on it lasting... Personally, I wouldn't marry until I was 25, but some people just know early in their life who the "right one" is, I guess? From personal experience, the key should be not 'when will I get married', but 'when I get married, I want it to be forever'. One of the keys to a happy life is, marry the right person. Divorce is hell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author littlequip Posted September 22, 2003 Author Share Posted September 22, 2003 Thank you both for your advice. Our anniversary is in a few days. I decided that if by the end of the evening we haven't talked at all about the future - I will bring it up, no pressure, no ultimatums - just open the conversation to make sure we are both on the same page. I decided that I need to know at the very least his intentions... I can't assume any longer that they are marriage, considering it has been 4 years with no mention of it. If in fact he does not intend to marry me, I need to really assess my situation, because, unfortunately - I have been going up to this point with the assumption that marriage would be in our future. I will let you know how things go! Thanks for your help! Link to post Share on other sites
CaterpillarGirl Posted October 7, 2003 Share Posted October 7, 2003 Umm...how did things go? Link to post Share on other sites
Author littlequip Posted October 7, 2003 Author Share Posted October 7, 2003 Sorry for the delayed reply! Things went pretty well. Tuesday night rolled around and he took me out to dinner. He found this nice place in the phone book and we set out to find it. An hour and about 50 miles later - we decided to head back home and eat at a little place near his house. Anyway... We're eating dinner, and I'm not sure how it came up (I WISH I COULD REMEMBER!!), but we talked about marriage almost the whole meal. We talked about what we wanted, we agreed on a lot; we want to have a very small ceremony(just immediate family), dinner afterward and then off to our honeymoon. When we come back we'll have a big party for all of our friends and family - no stuffy fancy reception. Everyone's comfortable, everyone's invited... (no dollar dance!!!) The weird thing is - I was the only one saying "we" and "our" he said a lot of "I" and "my" I guess that's not the weird part, the weird part is that even though he said "I" and "my" he didn't squirm at or reject anything I said. When I said "our wedding" he didnt even flinch. This is a big difference from the guy I met four years ago So, I still don't know when it will happen, but, at least I know he wants to get married. And maybe he didn't come right out and say it, but I could tell it's me he'd like to spend the rest of his life with. So if he needs some time, that's a-ok with me. After all, finding the right person is half the battle! Link to post Share on other sites
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