Less time together: Is it possible I found a girl who is not that affectionate?

[jt3]

I have been involved with this girl for 4 months. We started out on a very rapid pace and were together all the time throughout the summer. When school started recently (we are in college-she is 22-i am 24) we started seeing less of each other. Something was bothering her a few weeks back and she told me that she thought I appeared nervous around her, but she had to deal with it. After she told me that, I was afraid I would lose her so I had a heart-to-heart with her 2 days after that. The last 3 weekends we have not been together due to somewhat legit reasons. The first 1 she went to place her old college town, the second was a baby shower on a Saturday for a friend of hers and this upcoming 1 she has a get together with a friends sat and fir has to drive a few hrs back to her college town to get her transcripts.

We have set aside time for the next weekend to go to the beach and relax for a sat night, but is she trying to stay away from me? Or is she simply just that busy as of late? She told me she is not a lovey dovey type of girl (although she started off that way) and recently has not been as affectionate. IS this just her personality? If she has nothing planned, she never turns down time with me, but I have always been the one to organize dates or even a lot of the communication over the phone.

Is it possible I found a girl who is not that affectionate, but still truly likes me? I have brought up the togetherness issue a few times lately and feel maybe I should hold back for a bit as far as another talk goes. IS it best to give her space now or to continue calling here and there? We speak about every other day either by phone or text message. Or is it even in my best interest to tell her I really still like her a lot but feel that we do not spend a lot of time together and would like to spend more. Prior to school-we would spend 3 nights a week together for dinner or such, the past 2 or 3 have been just wed night. I feel my best bet is to wait till next weekend when we go to the beach to approach her after our trip there what would anyone else recommend??

Please give me whatever honest advice that u feel is necessary-thank you very much.

[Reckless]

Well, you started out with a bang but doesn't necessarily mean you're going out with a wimper - maybe your quite new relationship is settling into it's own groove. HOWEVER - you are not happy with the amount of time you spend together, if you don't understand each others viewpoints on this issue, if you cannot get your unhappiness sorted out with a workable compromise then you have a relationship where you do not communicate and/or you are unable to get legitimate needs met. Bad sign for the future.

 

I'd personally say, lay off for a while, see if that re-adresses the balance in your relationship (it seems somewhat one sided at the moment) Take a little distance and see if that pushes her to take some initiative to keep things healthy. If it doesn't and she spends all her time going to baby showers and sending you the occational text message, it would seem as if her feelings for you have cooled. Whether this if for 'legitimate reasons' or simply because shes thought better of the whole thing is irrelivant, you can't push a relationship through alone, you both have to want to spend time together and sort out issues as they arise, especially if you're both in college and have so many other demands on your time.

 

She may not have a 'lovey dovey' sort of personality but even the less demostrative among us usually want to spend more than a day a month with out SO if humanly possible. Listen to what you say:

 

"If she has nothing planned, she never turns down time with me...."

 

Hmm, what do you think, do you think it's maybe more of a case of 'fitting you in' than wanting to be with you? ...

 

"I have always been the one to organize dates or even a lot of the communication over the phone."

 

Well, I'd say, don't labor the point, don't be demanding on your coming trip, just enjoy yourself and then leave her for a while - like I said, if she doesn't make more effort maybe you should chalk this down to yet another 'holiday romance' and get out before you're faced with more dissatisfaction and frustration. Like pushing a rock up a hill, if things don't change sooner or later you'll get tired.

 

R.

[Leikela]

There's no way for any of us to tell you straight out if your girlfriend is affectionate or not. In the beginning of a relationship, you go through a honeymoon period. That consists of spending a lot of time together and being in a state of euphoria. This usually wears off after the first 3 or 4 months. This is when the relationship either makes it or doesn't.

 

It sounds to me like she is making up excuses not to see you. If I had to drive and pick up transcripts I would invite him along with me. A baby shower doesn't last all day. Why isn't she available in the evening? She's hanging out with friends? Why aren't you invited? All the signs point to the fact that you aren't serious about one another. If you were, you would speak everyday and see one another as much as possible.

 

I think the spark is gone and you need to speak with her about this. Decide to make it work or part ways. It doesn't sound good on her part though. Usually when a girl is in love, she'd do anything to be with her boyfriend and would want to see and talk to him often. I think you need to find someone who is as just as crazy about you and you are about her. Good luck!

[sonofhud]

Well if you get her out to the beach and get to spend time with her, I would try to avoid talking about your relationship status. Just try to enjoy your time together and then worry about the rest later, depending on how things go. Same thing happened to me and my g/f.....summer was great. We spent a lot of time together, but once school starts back up the relationship kinda took a backseat and we just kinda drifted away. It sux, but its good for you to concentrate on school work. Anyways it could very well be that shes just very busy and doesn't really put a lot of time into her relationships during school. Try not to take it personally, its prolly just the way she is. And have a good trip to the beach!

[jt3]

Thank you to all for your help. I think that i am just not used to us being away so much especially after we started so fast. She made the comment to me a few weeks ago that she thought we both acted nervous around each other. since that point, i have been afraid she would leave me. after the way i have acted 2 wks ago, she is still here. We are at the point i think now where i have to show trust and confidence in her-but how? Is it possilbe she is just a girl who likes men to chse her and make all the decisions? she says if she did not like anyhting, she woul dbe open and tell me-she claims she is like that.

AS i stated before, we r scheduled to go ot he beach next weekend-any suggestions on romantic dinners or anyhting i can do for her?

thanks again for all the help!

[old fashioned gal]

"Is it possilbe she is just a girl who likes men to chase her and make all the decisions? she says if she did not like anyhting, she would be open and tell me-she claims she is like that."

 

I am a girl who likes men to chase her. So I will tell you how I'd behave. Maybe it will be a better insight for you.

 

I like to be chased however I do not like the man to make all the decisions, I like my opinion to be asked.

 

However when I am in the relationship I am affectionate, more so with time than in the beginning because as time goes by my heart is won and my love is given completely.

 

I never turned down my boyfriend for dates and always told him in advance if I made plans with friends. I never planned anything on our date nights together ever. Maybe the odd sunday lunch was given away to a special friend who was visiting.

 

However I did want to spend as much time with him as possible, as much as he asked for. Didn't like to press for more so as not to suffocate him plus I had a busy life with my friends and family.

 

I saw him 3-4 times a week. I was always loving, always affectionate, kissing and cuddling and more. Always there for him, listening, comforting, laughing and sharing.

 

But yes, he did call me more, I called alot less often and he had to initiate our outings, I did initiate outings on occasion.

 

But when he called I was loving and affectionate.

 

I told him that this was how I was. I cannot chase after a man. I do not call so much.

 

So if you are getting your emotional and love needs met, if you are seeing enough of her and you don't mind doing the chasing believe her.

 

But if she is not affectionate, loving and attentive to you while you are together then beleive that actions speak louder than words.

 

A womans love grows not decreases with time.

 

Some women have old fashioned views about being wooed, or don't feel comfortable with a man rejecting her advances when she reaches out to him so would rather not try.

 

Or some don't want to seem to be pursuing the man, don't want to look or feel needy or desperate.

 

The reasons behind this behaviour doesn't matter, what matters is if you are comfortable/willing with doing the chasing and if you are getting loved in return.

 

Hope this helps