is this LDR one-sided? (also his old crush is back in the picture)

[thisismystory]

i am sorry this is long.

 

i've been dating this guy for 6 months. 4 of it being long distance.

 

at the beginning, we talked everyday. our communication was mutual. he would text me when he misses me.

 

but i had some troubles with him. he was sometimes really sarcastic and not open to telling me his feelings. i talked to him about it. cried to him once. but he just stood there...silent. and said he had to go. and i wanted to talk about it. he just said that's the way he is. that was the day before we went back to college.

 

and then we went back to college. things went well again. sometimes he'd be distant. i called him out on it once. i feel like the more he grows more distant from, the less i want to communicate with him.

 

i'm always the one initiating conversations. i know he doesn't like talking on the phone....so i AIM or MSN with him. but it takes great effort just getting him to go on webcam with me. and i feel horrible for putting in so much effort. he just says "it's not like i don't know what you look like"

 

and it's gotten worse lately. he's always away...watching movies on his computer. he got even more distant from me.

 

the other day....i found out the girl he used to like is dating his brother. the girl screwed with his mind again and again in the past. he blocked her out for a while. but they still communicate. and now that she's dating his brother....she's there all the time. back in the picture. and i'm 700 miles away.

 

i got really insecure. i logged into his facebook. usually i do it just to find out what my facebook profile looked like on his account (since i set different privacy settings). but this time...i clicked on his inbox. i found a message from her. she wrote "before we message, does your SO have access to your account?" and he replied with something else...ignoring her message. i trust him but i don't trust her. especially b/c she has a history of messing with him.

 

i don't know. afterwards....i just find it hard to talk to him now. he doesn't take the initiative to contact me...which makes it worse. when i do IM him on AIM, he takes a while to reply. and most of the time...he'd just talk for a while before going off to watch a movie on his computer.

 

i know i need to talk to him about this but i don't want it to be like this everytime we talk --- to be discussing the relationship. that's just a downer. i'm beginning to think he's losing interest? but i'm afraid to admit it. because this is the first time i've invested so much in a relationship.

 

i just need some advice?

[Throne Of Lies]

It's bad news-- this is the way people act on their way out the door. Sorry, but he's gone and your relationship is all but over. That'll happen.

[Island Girl]

i am sorry this is long.

 

i've been dating this guy for 6 months. 4 of it being long distance.

 

it's okay that it is long -- not so long in comparison really - and this IS need to know information.

 

at the beginning, we talked everyday. our communication was mutual. he would text me when he misses me.

 

Ahhhhhhh. When the relationship is new and going well!

 

but i had some troubles with him. he was sometimes really sarcastic and not open to telling me his feelings. i talked to him about it. cried to him once. but he just stood there...silent. and said he had to go. and i wanted to talk about it. he just said that's the way he is. that was the day before we went back to college.

 

IF this is "just how he is" then you aren't a very good match. He is cold. You obviously need a shoulder to cry on occasionally. That requires a certain warmth and he either never had it or has lost it...

 

He doesn't tell you his feelings. That seems to be a BIG problem in your relationship. And with what is going on (further down in your post) it has become a HUGE issue.

 

and then we went back to college. things went well again. sometimes he'd be distant. i called him out on it once. i feel like the more he grows more distant from, the less i want to communicate with him.

 

Well, at least this is good. Because the more distant he is, the less you should communicate with him. In fact I would stop altogether and make him come running. If he didn't, it was over anyway, and I'd find myself another guy!

 

i'm always the one initiating conversations. i know he doesn't like talking on the phone....so i AIM or MSN with him. but it takes great effort just getting him to go on webcam with me. and i feel horrible for putting in so much effort. he just says "it's not like i don't know what you look like"

 

And so what would happen if all of a sudden there was NO effort on your part? Your worst fear is he wouldn't care -- I'd beat him to the punch. I would just up and quit contacting him. Don't block him or anything like that, just don't talk to him or initiate ANY contact.

 

and it's gotten worse lately. he's always away...watching movies on his computer. he got even more distant from me.

Then you need to be completely off the computer too. Do other things. Even get your friends involved to keep you busy and away from watching what he does.

the other day....i found out the girl he used to like is dating his brother. the girl screwed with his mind again and again in the past. he blocked her out for a while. but they still communicate. and now that she's dating his brother....she's there all the time. back in the picture. and i'm 700 miles away.

 

GREAT!! This situation couldn't be better for you! Maybe you don't see it but there is a powder keg there and it is there whether you are or not. HA! And it WILL go off!! It is just a matter of time.

 

i got really insecure. i logged into his facebook. usually i do it just to find out what my facebook profile looked like on his account (since i set different privacy settings). but this time...i clicked on his inbox. i found a message from her. she wrote "before we message, does your SO have access to your account?" and he replied with something else...ignoring her message. i trust him but i don't trust her. especially b/c she has a history of messing with him.

 

She has already started it. And she is THERE. You can't control her. And you can't control him or the situation. But you can control yourself and that you shouldn't be put aside or made to feel unimportant - EVER. So don't allow him this much control of your feelings. Take them back and make better use of your time.

 

i don't know. afterwards....i just find it hard to talk to him now. he doesn't take the initiative to contact me...which makes it worse. when i do IM him on AIM, he takes a while to reply. and most of the time...he'd just talk for a while before going off to watch a movie on his computer.

 

Yes you do. You know exactly what you SHOULD do. You should tell him you deserve better, break it off, and get out and have some fun.

 

Now...why aren't you doing that again...?

 

i know i need to talk to him about this but i don't want it to be like this everytime we talk --- to be discussing the relationship. that's just a downer. i'm beginning to think he's losing interest? but i'm afraid to admit it. because this is the first time i've invested so much in a relationship.

 

i just need some advice?

 

Just because you have invested a lot doesn't mean you can't walk away when you aren't getting what you want.

 

Aren't YOU losing interest? I would be. It sounds lie waaaaaaaaaaay more effort than it's worth and then on top of it you have his ex-crush dating his brother - ? woooooooooo the drama! It will explode soon enough, she is already moving in that direction. get yourself away while the getting is good.

[thisismystory]

 

Aren't YOU losing interest? I would be. It sounds lie waaaaaaaaaaay more effort than it's worth and then on top of it you have his ex-crush dating his brother - ? woooooooooo the drama! It will explode soon enough, she is already moving in that direction. get yourself away while the getting is good.

 

well....i get to see him in a week..when winter vacation starts. i guess i'm just not sure until i see how he reacts in person. i'm getting fed up, and just gonna take a step back.

 

i'm taking this relationship too seriously.....and if he's not gonna put in effort, neither will i. i think because i've only technically had 2 months with him in person, i just wanted a little more time. giving him one more chance. but i don't think i can ever change his personality.

 

you're right. maybe this is bothering me because i'm the one losing interest. and he's just sitting on his apathetic butt watching stuff.

 

one day without contacting him. yay.

[thisismystory]

GREAT!! This situation couldn't be better for you! Maybe you don't see it but there is a powder keg there and it is there whether you are or not. HA! And it WILL go off!! It is just a matter of time.

.

 

what do you mean by powder keg? and why would the situation be good for me?

 

just wondering. i'm dense

[Island Girl]

well....i get to see him in a week..when winter vacation starts. i guess i'm just not sure until i see how he reacts in person. i'm getting fed up, and just gonna take a step back.

 

Good Move. I'd be fed up to the hilt by now so you have more patience than I do. I always come first and the whole watching movies or playing games would drive me crazy!

 

i'm taking this relationship too seriously.....and if he's not gonna put in effort, neither will i. i think because i've only technically had 2 months with him in person, i just wanted a little more time. giving him one more chance. but i don't think i can ever change his personality.

 

Well I wouldn't say you are taking things too seriously - he IS supposed to be your boyfriend!

If it is his personality, he's going to be pretty lonely during his life. LDRs take a lot less of an effort than the demands of a real relationship (i.e. time, etc.) and if he can't even maintain this one...well you see where I'm going.

 

you're right. maybe this is bothering me because i'm the one losing interest. and he's just sitting on his apathetic butt watching stuff.

 

one day without contacting him. yay.

 

YAY! Why does he deserve any of YOUR time when all he can do is whine about the effort it takes to speak back to you or sign on to the computer?!!

 

what do you mean by powder keg? and why would the situation be good for me?

 

just wondering. i'm dense

 

I mean this girl who played head games with him -- and got him all wound up and confused - is now dating his brother (way too close for comfort wouldn't you think?) and she has already started playing some nasty tricks like the contact on Facebook. Just give THAT situation some time and there is going to be an explosion with both brothers and her!

 

Oh gee? Who won't be in the middle twisting his heart into a knot or breaking up the family -- oh that's right -- YOU! And then he'll remember what a good thing he lost by being so apathetic.

[thisismystory]

thanks island girl :] i really appreciate your support.

 

i don't think i need him as much anymore. and maybe it'll balance out. we'll see about that though. i'll post updates later.

 

and don't care about the other girl anymore. i'm way better than her. and if he can't realize that....he's a goner.

 

and he is a lonely guy. he doesn't have a lot of close friends. sometimes i think i'm still with him because i'm so different from him....i wanna thaw his ice-block heart.

 

it's like...i'm Cameron. and he's House (if you watch House).