SMUTHERED- Shes obsessed with my every move

[Nightwolf]

I have been dating my woman for a couple of years now and she

has a 13yr old son. She is very insecure about her weight and

watches my every eye movement in public.

 

Her son's real father alienated them and doesn't ever communicate.

She says that she has never been in love before and pushes

the issues of marriage and having more children. etc...

 

I have no time to myself and at times get irritated and resentful

towards both her and her son for their thriving need of attention.

 

And the "cherry on top" is that I use to be pretty independant

and secretly miss an ex-girlfriend from years ago that is now married

and has moved on.

 

Her never-ending insecurities have only fueled my desires to flirt

and look at other woman more. With all that said - I still love this

woman and her son and want to continue my life with them.

Or do I????

 

It is very difficult to feel passionate about your lover when they

are obsessed with your every detail. However, Love conquers all right?

 

The fear of the risk of destroying the child's world and ruining a good

relationship, I hide my contempt and bite my tongue.

How does one cope?

[serialgf]

what have you done to express your feelings to her? i am currently dealing with jealousy issues, though a little different, and if i were her it would be very helpful for me to hear what you posted on here:

 

that you love her, but it's very hard to maintain that love when someone is constantly watching your every move

 

have you told her that? how is your communication?

[luvg81]

I think you need to make her feel good about herself...to make her feel special..For example, I am very conscious about my looks, I'm lil skinny...but my boyfriend makes me feel very good about myself...I no longer care of what others might think of me...and I don't feel the need to always keep an eye on him either...

[Nightwolf]

My communication is excellent with her.

I have found that most of the problems I have

had are within myself.

 

At times I have felt rushed and non-appreciated.

However, I needed to remember that WE (ourselves)

are the only ones that can control how we feel.

 

I almost feel the need to apologize for posting my

original thread. - But then I think... "why"

Were all human.

 

I love her and her son so much.

And when I looked into her son's eyes I realized that

I don't miss a thing - "ex" "past" etc.

I have found that at times while I feel "trapt"

By them, That maybe that is what I needed all along.

 

I thought about not even writing anything else and just

deleting my post. I thought I was being pathetic.

But that's just silly. Being Human isn't being pathetic.

In fact I really have been through alot to where I can

help others. So I will instead - Periodically try to give

information that may be helpful.

 

"Selfishness is a sickness. And I am sorry that I had a cold..."

-Nightwolf-

[Nightwolf]

what have you done to express your feelings to her? i am currently dealing with jealousy issues, though a little different, and if i were her it would be very helpful for me to hear what you posted on here:

 

that you love her, but it's very hard to maintain that love when someone is constantly watching your every move

 

have you told her that? how is your communication?

 

 

I tell her that she is beautiful, I also know that it isn't enough.

I know that I need to make her FEEL beautiful.

I understand the difference and I've been a little at fault.

 

Watching someones every move is not healthy. But there is

a way to make things better....

 

For me, as a man - My girlfriend's jealousy I can overlook for

only short periods of time. It isn't that she is watching my

every move, It is that I wonder why.

It implies things that cause the problems.

 

It implies mistrust, Insecurity, The need for her to be in control

over me, Etc.

 

Just because us men are tough, Does not mean that we are

flawless when it comes to emotional confusion.

We just think that we know. Sometimes, We don't.

 

So what you could do if you cannot stop watching your

man's every move is. - At least explain positive reasons as to why.

 

Things that work for me are - "your so hot, I don't want anyone to try

to take you away"

 

Although, That may seem pathetic. It is healthier than just letting

things seem strange/controlling, etc.

 

Let him know that the reasons you are paranoid is because he is

so special to you. Not because you don't trust him. It helps alot...

 

We get P.M.S. also. It is just more unpredictable. - even to ourselves.

 

We were taught as men that we are the "bread winners"

We are the one's in control.

But then we find out that what is inside of us can be stronger

than our minds, And it freaks us out.

 

We don't want to admit it. But we need our other half.

We need to know that we are providing.

We need to know that we have a reason to live.

Because our reason is - And built within us - Providers.

 

On the other hand - The men that do not provide, Eventually

are upset with themselves and consequently blame others

out of immaturity.

 

There is a fine line between responsibility, And one's self to

realize the boundries of what they are in control of.

 

If your problem is faith in your boyfriend. You probably should

look at the "stems"/Ruits" of what is causing it.

 

As a man - I hope that you can understand that when us men

hurt women's feelings without knowing it, Some of us actually

feel bad about it. We were just taught to hide it and be strong.

The only problem with this is - The woman can only look at it

as being "insenitive". I cannot speak for other men though.

Because people are people. Some men are exactly what you think.

Pigs. Others just seem like they are.

 

Look for the quite ones. We are quite for a reason.

Because we were taught not to express "vulnerability"

Emotions are widely spread thought of vulnerable by us men.

It is only until we mature that we realize that it takes letting

yourself to be strong enough to be so-called "vulnerable"

That we are at peace.... (well, Kindof.) hahah.

 

I don't know if any of this helps. It's pretty scattered and

everyone is different. But there is one thing about us all that

is the same. We all need to feel that we are important.

The problem is, We need to start with ourselves.

I am just now, learning again how to care about me.

 

What about you? You You You! hahaha

The more you are insecure, The more men feel they can

get away with. (looking at others, etc>) But as soon as

you women act like you can do without us, What happens?

We go nuts.

Games suck. You should be fair to yourself and to who ever

you are with. But there is another side to it. -

You could be sabotoge to yourself.

Your expressions of insecurities can lead to a man's control

if they decide to be that way. I myself do not.

My concience kinda forbids me.

 

Anyways, Enough of writing for now. I gotta go. Thanks for your advice.

"Nightwolf"

[Nightwolf]

I think you need to make her feel good about herself...to make her feel special..For example, I am very conscious about my looks, I'm lil skinny...but my boyfriend makes me feel very good about myself...I no longer care of what others might think of me...and I don't feel the need to always keep an eye on him either...

 

You are right. I need to make her feel more beautiful.

I do, Just apparently not enough. Why else would she

be freaking out? I know that she has issues of her weight.

But I also know that means I should show more attention.

 

Believing that there isn't enough time in a day is not an

excuse anymore is it? I cannot blame anyone. But myself maybe.

All I can do is learn and use it.

 

Thank You.