How do women show interest?

[kashmir]

I'm so oblivious as far as signs of interest go. Even if I might hope a girl likes me, somewhere in my mind I'll tell myself she's just being friendly to me and has no desire to see me outside of whenever we see each other, even if the signs she gives are really strong and positive.

 

I always hear about some things that society tells women to do. The biggest and most confusing thing is acting disinterested and passive to rule out the idea that the girl is desperate or loose. This is actually kind of surprising to me, because I was always told that if a girl likes me, she'll let me know no matter what attention I'm giving her.

 

I'd like to know how passive is passive. In other words, to what length will a girl go to allude a guy she likes? If her and the guy are on a talking and friendly base and he's sending her messages via internet or cell, will she show some initiative or will she respond minimally?

 

I'm also referring mainly to girls in my age range (18-22 about).

 

THis is all so confusing to me. I don't get why you would avoid someone if you want to do the exact opposite. What really gets me is so many WOMEN telling me to not do anything and pretty much just wait for girls to come to me. These two older girls I met over the summer told me that girls are concerned with a guys a lot more than vice versa and when they want a guy they'll go for him (these girls asked my opinion about one of their boyfriends, so in return I figured I'd get some answers to my own questions ). If this is the case, then I'm pretty much screwed, because I never have any girls going after me! lol

[xpaperxcutx]

Well Kashmir, I'm under twenty, and most girls like moi, normally just flock to their friends asking for support. It's like a slumber party where the girls start squealing around the room about how cute the guy is and wondering if he likes her back.

 

But really now, if a girl likes you, she would be more focused on you, asking questions about you from friends. Or she would be especially nonchalant around you. Her other expression would be nonchanging, but inside she must be falling apart from being so close to you.

[johan]

Some of them act psychotic. For some who do, it's no different from normal, so you can't tell with them.

 

It's better to be in a state of mind where you're not all that concerned about whether they like you. If you can talk simply with a girl because you just feel like talking to her, with no strings attached, and if you have a positive attitude, then you'll have your best chance to really connect with her.

[kashmir]

Some of them act psychotic. For some who do, it's no different from normal, so you can't tell with them.

 

It's better to be in a state of mind where you're not all that concerned about whether they like you. If you can talk simply with a girl because you just feel like talking to her, with no strings attached, and if you have a positive attitude, then you'll have your best chance to really connect with her.

 

Well the thing is I've inadvertently used that approach for...well forever. I speak to guys and girls in the exact same way...I view them all as friends. When talking to a girl, I'll assume she's just being friendly and forget about whether she has any interest in me. That's good, but the problem with that is I'll never make a move, or I'll make very minimal moves and stop when she doesn't reciprocate to the extent I think she would if she were interested.

 

Paper cut, I don't meet many girls through friends, so they'd have no one to ask about me. If they do ask people then I obviously have no idea it's going on.

 

See, I always take the first delay or even slightly negative sign as a sign of disinterest. There was this girl in one of my classes this past semester who was talking to me a lot and doing flirty stuff like touching me and constantly complimenting me. Of course, at the time I thought she wasn't flirting but just being nice, so I didn't say much to her. Then a few days ago I happened to come across her on facebook, so I sent her a friend invite. She accepts, I write her a message, she writes back, and then I write again, but she never reponds...though I wasn't asking her anything, so it made sense to not respond back. Anyway, I'm taking that as a sign of "leave me alone" and I'm telling myself to not contact her again. I feel confused about that case, among other cases, though. My judgment with people tends to be inaccurate, so I'm always confused, lol.

[alphamale]

I'm also referring mainly to girls in my age range (18-22 about).

people that age are basically children so i cannot advise you on this issue...

[kashmir]

people that age are basically children so i cannot advise you on this issue...

 

You make a good point. I find that the advice I find on these forums doesn't always apply to my age group.

 

But don't you remember when you were this age?

[xpaperxcutx]

people that age are basically children so i cannot advise you on this issue...

Alphamale I wouldn't call myself a child, but I have to say my age group is very immature at time.s

[johan]

Well the thing is I've inadvertently used that approach for...well forever. I speak to guys and girls in the exact same way...I view them all as friends. When talking to a girl, I'll assume she's just being friendly and forget about whether she has any interest in me. That's good, but the problem with that is I'll never make a move, or I'll make very minimal moves and stop when she doesn't reciprocate to the extent I think she would if she were interested.

 

I didn't say be nonchalantly androgenous. No woman is going to get excited by that. Just do what it takes to become confident, and forget about what it might mean to your success with women. Then when you meet one, you can talk to her with no nervousness and you can also express the fact that you're interested in her.

 

It seems like a lot of guys think they have to be sneaky and hide the fact that they are interested in a girl. Don't hide it or be ashamed of it. Make it clear without being lewd. And get to the point where you have the guts to actually put it on the line. Then it really won't make any difference to you what kind of signals she gives off.

[johan]

But don't you remember when you were this age?

 

Things were different then.

[alphamale]

But don't you remember when you were this age?

i do...and me and my peers thought we knew it all when in actuality we knew nothing

[xpaperxcutx]

Things were different then.

 

oh johan I bet you had an afro.

[johan]

oh johan I bet you had an afro.

 

Had?

 

...

...

...

[Isolde]

I'm like you--bad at reading signals.

 

What I do when I like a guy is I giggle, blush and get very flustered around him (not CONSTANTLY, but a little bit). I know that sounds kind of childish.

[prettybaby]

Hmm, let's see, when I was that age (which wasn't that long ago lol); I would try to make eye contact (that always seemed like the main point to me; if he reciprocated eye contact strongly, then I just knew)

 

I was shy, so I didn't always initiate conversations; in fact, they intimated me and I was always hoping for guys to get my non-verbal hints and initiate contact with me. Also keep in mind that a girl who likes you will generally smile/giggle more than the average chick you interact with.

 

Since I was shy, I was very much into texting / e-mailing lol because I wanted to have contact regardless of my shyness!

 

But uhm, yeah, a combination of: eye contact + smile + initiating contact (even if subtly, either in person or by text/e-mail) are good clues.

[kashmir]

Since I was shy, I was very much into texting / e-mailing lol because I wanted to have contact regardless of my shyness!

 

But uhm, yeah, a combination of: eye contact + smile + initiating contact (even if subtly, either in person or by text/e-mail) are good clues.

 

So if a girl isn't initiating texting me or emailing me then she doesn't really care for me?

[prettybaby]

So if a girl isn't initiating texting me or emailing me then she doesn't really care for me?

Not necessarily, but you asked for signs, and contact would definitely be one of them lol Unless she's really freaking shy, so it depends on her overall personality; that's for you to judge. If you're not sure, try initiating contact and see how eagerly she reciprocates and take it from there.

 

Now, if on top of no initiated contact you get no eye contact and no smiles/giggles, then I'm afraid she's most likely not interested at all.

[luvg81]

If a girl is interested in you then many a times you would be able to spot her around you, even if at a distance...she will reply to your text and emails diligently...will come up with all crazy stuff to talk about with you...She might walk with her friends but will make sure you notice her....stuff like that which girls do to show interest at your age...

[D-Jam]

From my experiences, here's how I know a girl is interested in me:

 

1) If I'm at a party, bar, social event, etc...I'll notice the girl makes eye contact with me and smiles, even if I'm just passing by her. If it's a place like a bar, she might go out of her way to be available to be approached. So she'll come to the bar when I'm getting a drink or something. Usually I'll just say hi and see what happens. If she responds then I go from there.

 

If we have mutual friends, then sometimes that friend will introduce us.

 

2) Interest means she wants to know you. That means at said social affair if she's wanting to chat with me and not looking around and not wanting to leave and talk to other friends, then she's interested. You notice how you might meet a girl, but after 10 min of conversation she wants to go back to her friends or wants to mingle...that's no interest or a semi-interest. If she's truly interested then she could care less who else is there because she wants to talk to you.

 

3) She might mention seeing you outside of the event or toss you a line to say she's interested in something you like. So I'll mention how I saw some art gallery a week ago and am planning on some cultural affair next week and she says "wow...I'd love to see things like that" or "I love going to affairs like that. Just can't seem to get to them often enough."

 

This is an opening...she's basically said she's hoping you'll invite her to said event as your date.

 

4) If you two exchange numbers and got past the initial call or calls...she's suddenly calling you to say hi or other mindless chatter. Most likely she's interested because she's making contact with you...not you chasing her down or playing phone tag.

 

 

 

Of course you have to beware of the flakey types who flirt with everyone and not mean it. Had some in my life flirt so heavy that it came off as interest, only to find out she wasn't interested. I still stand by that it's better to take a chance and scare her off than not to try at all.

 

You just keep your eyes open and be sociable with anyone who gives you a friendly eye contact. I'll say hi to total strangers and often end up in conversation. Many women will be more defensive, but sometimes you get the one who is charmed and thus you can go further.

[kashmir]

Girls never call me or initiate contact with me, even if I do it first they'll only respond. There's only one that does this and she does it daily, but she's always had a boyfriend and is just a very good friend to me.

 

As far as giggling and smiling, I don't notice if they do it. I remember this one time I was waiting at this cafe for my friend that I mentioned above, and this girl in one class came with her 2 friends. The girl herself wasn't that attractive and was wayyy over-done, but her two friends were hot. When they first walked in she said, "oh my god it's you!" And she waved and said hi, and I said hi back. I was at the phone at the time, but when I got off I went over to their table and talked with them. Usually talk...but they were really giggly and were saying some kind of ditzy stuff...mostly the girl I knew, her 2 hot friends weren't as ditzy. I remember thinking, "They must be laughing at me for something...I must be doing something weird. They must think I'm creepy..." etc. It never entered my mind that they could be attracted to me.

 

I don't get many girls smiling or gigling around me...or like I said, I don't notice them at least, but I definitely don't have girls contacting me. They can't really text me, however, if they don't have my number...which not a lot of people have.

[kashmir]

Ahh, I just don't get girls.

 

This one was showing all good signs. Saying good things about me, smiling at me, touching me all the time. The moment I made a move and took a bit of initiative she totally ignored me. Like, wth? Is this her idea of a game, to flirt with guys like me just to stroke her ego? Then pull out once I start to get a bit interested?

 

Whatever. She was a dumbass anyway. She had the writing skills of a 6th grader, I swear to god.

[prettybaby]

I made a move and took a bit of initiative

We're gonna need more details here!

[kashmir]

Well I've mentioned this particular girl a few times on here. She's been showing me good signs for a while and I've just kinda been sitting back and taking them. I wasn't ready to make a move a while ago because my first impression of this girl was that she's an air-head and it took me a while to warm up to her. Then recently I finally decided I liked her enough to take some action, but I wasn't going to get to see her again in person, so I friended her on facebook. I had some small talk messages with her for a bit, then a few days passed, and then today I sent her a message wishing her luck on finals and suggesting that we get coffee or something when they're done. I gave her my number. No response.

 

This is why I don't like to use facebook for anything unless I run out of options - people don't respond. It's a flake fest.

 

There have been a few times, though, where I sent messages similar to that to girls I know in real life and have been chatting with online a bit, and then like 2 weeks later the girl sends me a random text. By then I forgot about them and don't really care.

[T-town]

Well I've mentioned this particular girl a few times on here. She's been showing me good signs for a while and I've just kinda been sitting back and taking them. I wasn't ready to make a move a while ago because my first impression of this girl was that she's an air-head and it took me a while to warm up to her. Then recently I finally decided I liked her enough to take some action, but I wasn't going to get to see her again in person, so I friended her on facebook. I had some small talk messages with her for a bit, then a few days passed, and then today I sent her a message wishing her luck on finals and suggesting that we get coffee or something when they're done. I gave her my number. No response.

 

This is why I don't like to use facebook for anything unless I run out of options - people don't respond. It's a flake fest.

 

There have been a few times, though, where I sent messages similar to that to girls I know in real life and have been chatting with online a bit, and then like 2 weeks later the girl sends me a random text. By then I forgot about them and don't really care.

 

You probably should of asked for hers and given her a call. You need to be the guy and initiate this kind of stuff, yeah it can be hard but it comes with being a guy. You will NEVER know 100 percent if a girl is interested unless you give it a shot, if she is not so what! Everybody gets rejected sometimes, the sooner you come to terms with that the easier it will be to meet girls. The fact is though you will never meet anybody, or learn how to meet girls if you don't try.

[kashmir]

You probably should of asked for hers and given her a call. You need to be the guy and initiate this kind of stuff, yeah it can be hard but it comes with being a guy. You will NEVER know 100 percent if a girl is interested unless you give it a shot, if she is not so what! Everybody gets rejected sometimes, the sooner you come to terms with that the easier it will be to meet girls. The fact is though you will never meet anybody, or learn how to meet girls if you don't try.

 

Well I did suggest we exchange numbers, so obviously I gave mine first. The fact is though if she wasn't going to respond to this then she wasn't going to respond to me asking for her number.

 

She does have her number up on her facebook, but I thought it would be weird if I got it that way and called/texted her. I figure it would be right for her to give it to me herself, thus giving me permission to call.

[carhill]

With married women, it's when I feel this little wet thing against my lips I'm thinking "what the........?? Oh, right"