who should pay for plane tickets?

[awesomeness43]

in an ldr... who should pay for the plane tickets? is it wrong to have the girl pay if that is one of the only expenses i allow for her in our relationship?

on a monthly period.. it is possibly no more than 120 each time and i pay for the shuttle which is about the same price.

[Geishawhelk]

Whoever suggests the meeting.

[corazoncito]

When my husband and I were dating (he lived in Europe and I lived in North America) we would split the cost of the ticket if I was coming to see him. I was a grad student and he had a "real" full-time job. When he came to see me, he was always able to combine it with a work paid trip, so I didn't pay.

 

If we had had comparable incomes and there were no expense accounts to use, we would have split all the travel costs. It sounds like that's what you're doing if the plane + shuttle costs are equal.

 

All our visits were mutually planned, so having the one who suggests the trip pay wouldn't have really worked for us.

[JamesM]

In a short distance relationship, who pays for the gas?

 

Point being, if it is a back and forth by both, then it does not matter. If she is the one who always buys the tickets, then help would be good. If this is a one time thing, then as a gift you could.

 

Would you she pay for your ticket or would you be asking this question if it was your ticket?

[quankanne]

when my husband (who was not then my husband, just the guy I was exclusively dating) was working in Saudi Arabia, he came back to the States every 6 months and he'd send me a plane ticket to meet him in Las Vegas. However, that was *only* because he could afford to get a cheap ticket on Southwest and his salary was really, really good ... whereas mine wasn't!

 

that said, my thought is that as long as you agree on what you're going to do (split costs, pay for her ticket, have her pay for her own ticket, etc), there shouldn't be a problem.

[Trialbyfire]

Wouldn't it make sense to have an alternating arrangement?

 

Edit - I should clarify. People who can't afford to be in LDRs, should try to avoid them unless one party can afford to always be the one to pay. If neither party can afford it, perhaps it's time to consider viability.

[awesomeness43]

Thing is, we are both fairly well off. We both come from comfortable-well off families and full time college students, i do work, though the real estate and mortgages aren't doing the best =/. Its not the money that is the issue, its the fact that often times she subtly makes me feel obligated to pay though not really pushing the issue and it really annoys me.

 

I feel that if she can't even pay 120-250 a month where as i constantly fly there and pay for every other expense when we're together, which adds up to quite a bit often times 1k+ for just 3-4 day weekend, she is not really making the effort. She will often times offer to pay for many things, which i really respect her for but i just don't like feeling obligated to pay for something when really it would be a favor if i do?

[Eilonwy]

We're both students, and I'm in Europe while he's in Canada, so the plane costs are really high for us.

 

So far, we split it everytime but once. (That one time I payed full because I had more money at the time, and he had some other big expenses. He still wanted to split, but I insisted.) By splitting, it's never one huge amount of money, so that's better. Also, it's fair, because sometimes one will fly there twice in a row or so.

[LavendarGirl]

If meeting once a month would cost her $120 - 250 a month, you're both full time college students, and you feel you should be splitting the costs then perhaps you should agree to a visit schedule that will work within her budget. Maybe instead you can see each other every 6 or 8 weeks.

 

Granted, her family may be relatively well off, but her parents might not be so inclined to continue to pay for her travel expenses.

 

Best bet is to have a heart to heart with her.

 

Good luck

 

--LG

[ballet_tessa]

My boyfriend always pays and I absolutely hate it. I wish I was able to suggest to split the ticket prices but I just don't have the money. I feel kind of belittled when he sends me money for the tickets(Berlin-Detroit isn't all that cheap as you can imagine). However, the only other option would be not seeing him and that's actually not an option right now although I sometimes find myself contemplating it. I have an issue with this, it makes me feel somewhat guilty..

But apart from my feelings about this it was always very important to me that he's alright with it. But since we didn't want to spent the limited time we have together with annoying chats about costs, we decided to sit down together every couple of months to talk about that stuff. That's been working out great so far...

[OJandABBA]

My husband and I just got married a few days ago. When we were first dating and doing trips we would each pay for our own ticket. Once we entered a relationship he knew that I was a student while he had a full-time job, so he paid for most of my flights. To make up for it I would either buy us dinner or pay for hotel stays. I think you should take into account each income and express your financial concerns. If you do pay suggest that she chip in with what she can afford.