rudi01 Posted September 12, 2003 Share Posted September 12, 2003 Hi all, i want to make this as brief as possible. Guess that i was a fool in the past with my girlfriend.I loved this girl dearly and tought that i had to lie to her about my financial statements.When i started with her i didn't have a dime, so i lended some money from the bank to start something with the girl that i really loved. I never told her about this loan that i did, i flet ashamed about it, some people don't understand this, but i never asked money to my parents, i'm to proud todo this.... So i never told her this, i payed this loan out of my own pocket and never used our money to pay for what i needed to pay. We lived very quickly togheter and where very happy togheter, i don't want to say this out of my own feeling, but asked friends on how she spoke about me.She loved me also very deerly. After a year i felt that she was changing, a (so called) friend of mine was telling her all of the bad things that happened on my former relationship. And she looked at me with a different view. Altough i always did my best for this lady, she saw me as a bad person because of this friend. Fastforward now, when we broke-up, i was a mess because of the changes in my proffessional life, i got demoted and had to change from company, just like 250 other collegues. Now i was crushed by this thing, lost all of my confidence and acted like a real sorry person.I think that she didn't like this in me. Also because i was depressed, i began to have boulemia out of stress...... She didn't look at me as a man..... Now this girl was raped in the past and i always wanted to protect her and give her all of the warmth that she could have.She had severe mood changes and isn't a easy person to live with.... But i didn't care, if you love someone you take the good things with the bad things. A sertain morning (now 5 months ago) she woke-up and said to me, "i don't think that i love you like a woman should love her man and i don't see having children with you".After this she acted cold and indifferent, but bought a book about relationships, this confused me, how can she buy a book when she told that it's over ? The day after i took a lot of distance and acted very cold, and then she grabbed me and needed to feel my arms, i was puzzled..... At that period i have heared from one of her friends that she still has email contact with a ex-boyfriend and she never told me. I asked her for a explination, but she ran away to a girlfriend.... The day after i called this girlfriend and she said that we don't fit togheter.... Now, you must understand that emotionally a lot of people say that she is unstable and very easy to control, she feels insecure and looks-up to strong people. I pleaded her to take me back, but she said that i had to get out of her life, and that she doesn't want to be friends with me or talk to me. I really pused her a lot during a few months and think that this has something todo with how she act's. Until now i worked like a fool (14hours a day) and managed to have a great new job, and started my own bussines wich grows each day.I also managed to win-back all of the friends that i lost thanks to my prior bad behaviuor. A lot of people love me now for the guy that i am and never showed to her, or showed briefly when we fall in love.... I really still love this lady and want to show her how i really am, and also show her all of the great things that happened in my life.I'm sure that this will shock her world. But i don't know how i should proceed or how to win back her trust..... Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted September 12, 2003 Share Posted September 12, 2003 Have you considered surrendering? Just surrender to the notion that she's NOT "the one". You both deceived each other in little ways. But that's no reason for her to quit. She must have her reasons. Can you just accept what she feels and let her go? Somebody would love you no matter if you had only a dime or a million dollars. Why not surrender to what the universe has brought to you. And accept what it has taken away. Give in and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rudi01 Posted September 12, 2003 Author Share Posted September 12, 2003 Hey neonink, I considered surrendering like a million times, but i really love her and think that things can be worked out. A lot of people where jealous about us because we where a great couple and where both succesfull in bussines as private area. She tought that she had NO future with me because i couldn't handle money,i know that this doesn't sound like love, but everyone searches for security somewhere... Also i lied about some very stupid issues and she tought that i was clingy, all of these things needed to change, because i didn't feel like myself and needed to see these things clearly for myself. You cannot completely love someoene of you cannot trust this person. So to hopefully win her back, i'll need to win back her trust, bit-by-bit.... Link to post Share on other sites
NEONINK Posted September 12, 2003 Share Posted September 12, 2003 she thought a lot of things, didn't she? she thought you weren't good with money. she thought you were clingy. and that's only what you know! but that's a pretty good start. sometimes we love other's more than they love us. you can try and win her back, but what will she think next? at least consider that she might not be the love you think. maybe there's another one out there that will think you are just great the way you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rudi01 Posted September 12, 2003 Author Share Posted September 12, 2003 Neonink, You are a good person, i can feel that from the way that you write. Guess that what i want to say is that she has a bad impression of me, a impression of a insecure and clingy person. This which i never was, i felt unhappy about the person that i was. And needed this break somewhere to know myself again. You know that she was hammerring on items that she didn't like, well these things changed completely. And i feel great like i am now. But what can you do, when the other person thinks that you cannot change, and a lot of other people know that i changed ? Link to post Share on other sites
Velvet Eel Posted September 13, 2003 Share Posted September 13, 2003 If you've changed in positive ways, good for you. This is the best way to react to a painful break-up. I think you're right to feel proud about these improvements in your life. But, like Neonink, I don't think it looks like your ex left much room for a change of heart. The most you could really do to influence this situation is to make sure that mutual friends know you're doing well. And get out there and date. You'll probably find your dream girl and let go of your feelings for the ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rudi01 Posted September 13, 2003 Author Share Posted September 13, 2003 I just want to say that she is not my dreamgirl, true that during the first months that i've idolised her and placed her on a piedestal. But i noticed that the things she said to me where infact normal comments, things like giving space to eachother. Now almost everybody is saying in the forum that she's not the girl for me, and i really appriciate the comments that all of you make, i'll keep them close to my heart and don't dismiss them. What happened is that i had to take time to build-up my own life and don't lean on somebody else. I think that i managed this very well, i have a great job, started two company's and having a blast. The only thing at the moment is that she still looks at me is being the harrasser, that she saw the first weeks of the break-up. Now i've talked to a lot of people and thy say that this still can be fixed, but i must leave at least 1 month of silence...... I honestly think that i've changed into a gentlemen and a good and stable person, and will continue this to the best of my ability.... Link to post Share on other sites
Velvet Eel Posted September 13, 2003 Share Posted September 13, 2003 I didn't realize you were still in contact with her (or trying to be). Yes, probably a month or two of silence will make you look better. It's true. Your craziness after the break-up will look more like an isolated period. You'll look as if you're moving on. Whatever you do, don't ever say to her "I've changed!" Just be your new, happier, more successful self, and enjoy your life. If you do choose to renew contact after a month or two, keep it friendly and light. If she doesn't return your call, let her go. Better to leave her with a good impression than to look like you're "harassing" her. This is no guarantee that she'll ever return your love again, but I think as a rule of thumb that distance after a messy break-up is a good idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rudi01 Posted September 13, 2003 Author Share Posted September 13, 2003 Hey Velvet, Wel i'm indirectly in contact with her, this trough friends. I'm now cutting all ties and are going to focus on my carreer and bussines. I guess that i'll need something to keep me busy during these long two months, or i'll problably go bananas ;o)) Like you said, two months will make me look better and keeps the pressure from her, also my bad image will dissapear with this.... A lot of people said me (like you're wise words) that distance will heal the wounds of a messy break-up and will set things in a complete new perspectieve...... It's going to be hard................... Link to post Share on other sites
Velvet Eel Posted September 14, 2003 Share Posted September 14, 2003 Yes, it will be hard. But you have so much to be proud of, in turning your life around. Bon chance! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts