matt123 Posted December 11, 2008 Share Posted December 11, 2008 There's this girl at the gym class i go to, but i dont know how to start to talking to her. Im quite a shy person, but since i've been at uni i have improved slightly, but talking to girls has always been a huge barrier for me that i cant seem to get over. I basically need some advice from you guys about how i can start to talk to her and any other tips you can think of. My low self confidence has been taking over my life for my whole life and im fed up with it now, its time to change. Any suggestions will be most welcome, cheers guys. Link to post Share on other sites
georgejungle Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 I'd say: Don't build up talking to girls so much. Don't pur stress on yourself and build it up in your mind so much. Don't talk to her as a cute girl, talk to her as another human being, just like you. We tend to put too much expectation into talking to girls, like "I have to play it way cool for her to like me" or "what if i say the wrong thing?" If you remain calm, comment about something, like her shoes or ask How Long she's been going there or even maybe just even walk up to her and just introduce yourself and say Hi, ''seen ya around just wanted to say hello from one human to another'', even that works. Don't expect anything out of it and don't stress out, play it cool. If you play it cool and calm and act like you just wanted to say hello, nothing more...she may come up to you next time. oh yeah, and You Go Dude. Drop that Low Self Confidence..Get rid of it, throw it out the window. Just be yourself, be friendly, play it cool, you'll be alright Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 It's not your shyness it's your fear. Guys who can't talk to women are afraid they won't like them or will reject them. How hard is it to walk up and introduce yourself and say Hi, my name is _______? I've seen you around and wanted to meet you. Think of yourself as her equal who she would be happy to get to know and your self esteem will improve. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted December 12, 2008 Share Posted December 12, 2008 Yes, you have nothing to lose. Personally I wouldn't say to her, "Hi, I am Josh" because that's retarded, but I would make some clever comment or some sh*t, a joke or anything interesting. Though, to completely contradict myself, last night when I was hanging with my friend and he simply said "Hi!" to every girl he passed. You would be surprised how many responded, "Hi!" and smiled at him. Link to post Share on other sites
diggy Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Man, I know exactly how you feel. I was in that situation 3 years ago until I decided to do something about it and read every pickup method, book on dating, hundreds of posts in forums and much going out by my self trying to pickup girls in clubs and getting rejected before i got to the point now, where I have the confidence to go up to any girl I want and mostly get a good response and a follow up number or date. I recently wrote an ebook about my journey to help others, check out the link in my signature below. Good luck man, change is totally possible, just requires the decision to get started! Link to post Share on other sites
Author matt123 Posted December 18, 2008 Author Share Posted December 18, 2008 Man, I know exactly how you feel. I was in that situation 3 years ago until I decided to do something about it and read every pickup method, book on dating, hundreds of posts in forums and much going out by my self trying to pickup girls in clubs and getting rejected before i got to the point now, where I have the confidence to go up to any girl I want and mostly get a good response and a follow up number or date. I recently wrote an ebook about my journey to help others, check out the link in my signature below. Good luck man, change is totally possible, just requires the decision to get started! thanks for your advice diggy. its great to hear how someone in the same situation as me has changed their life around. Would you mind sending me the link to your e-book (or tell me how to get to it please!), it sounds really interesting. cheers, Matt Link to post Share on other sites
georgehutton Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 As others have said, one of the things guy are afriad of is rejection. If you craft your opening statement well, you can't get rejected. You do this guy making a pacing statement, and then gauging her response. Say someting about the environement that she can't disagree with. Like "there are a lot of people here" or "it doesn't seem as crowded today as it usally does" or something along those lines. This way she will feel safe to respond, because you are not putting her on the spot with a question or a compliment. If she responds with agreement, or even a smile, make another "statement" that she will agree with and then ease into some easy questions. Like "what time do you like to work out.." Take it slow, and only shoot one or two quesitons, and give her time to get used to you. Most guys try too fast too soon, and the girl doesn't have time to get used to her. She needs time to naturally build up her comfort. Take it easy, take it slow is the best way. Even better if you have three or four girls in three or four different places that you are taking it slow an easy with, so you will naturally build your confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
OneTwo Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 I've gotten very good at talking to girls/women. It took a long time though. You see, I can be a bit intense, and I found out that many times in the past I came across too strong and intimidated the girl I was interested in -- even though I was a bit shy and a awkward at times. Sometimes because I was trying too hard, I put them on the defensive and they ended up rejecting me just because I made them uncomfortable. So, I found out that what worked for me was to break the ice with something kinda' corny. It would put the girl at ease and allow her to respond to me without trying to get me to leave her alone. Now, I am very comforatable with meeting all types of women and easily engage in dialog with them. So, if you see her working out you might go over to the machine she is on and say something like, "I hope I can do more than that. It's gonna' suck if I get outlifted by a pretty girl..." That way, you've snuck in a compliment while making small talk. If she is interested at all, she'll probably smile and say something along the lines of, "Oh, I'm sure you can manage" or something like that. If she just rolls her eyes and grunts, then you'll have to regroup and try again another day. If she responds positively, you can ask her name, and respond with yours, ask her how long she has been working out, etc. Then you might wait until you see her next time and maybe bring her a bottled water. You could break the ice by saying that all that you think it's great that she has the discipline to work out, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 I'd say: Don't build up talking to girls so much. Don't pur stress on yourself and build it up in your mind so much. Don't talk to her as a cute girl, talk to her as another human being, just like you. We tend to put too much expectation into talking to girls, like "I have to play it way cool for her to like me" or "what if i say the wrong thing?" If you remain calm, comment about something, like her shoes or ask How Long she's been going there or even maybe just even walk up to her and just introduce yourself and say Hi, ''seen ya around just wanted to say hello from one human to another'', even that works. Don't expect anything out of it and don't stress out, play it cool. If you play it cool and calm and act like you just wanted to say hello, nothing more...she may come up to you next time. oh yeah, and You Go Dude. Drop that Low Self Confidence..Get rid of it, throw it out the window. Just be yourself, be friendly, play it cool, you'll be alright This is so true. I always make the mistake of viewing girls as potential girlfriends when I talk to them, or even if I don't I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
georgejungle Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 it does work, because i'm WAY better at talking to girls than i used to be. I was TERRIBLE in high school. Forget about it. Total mouse and scared to death of talking to a cute girl if one talked to me. i had NO idea what to say. But one day i just chilled out and realized, WHY AM I GETTING SO WORKED UP ABOUT IT? She's human just like me. I saw an interview with that band The Donnas (all girl band). The guitar player is pretty cute. But she says that she NEVER ever gets approached by guys, even before she was famous, because maybe they're intimidated by her because she plays guitar or because (i'm thinking) she's a cute girl. She went on to say that she's a huge nerd and would love for a guy to bring her flowers or ask her out from time to time. But she hardly ever gets it. I Think she's cute: http://www.gibson.com/player/mar03/images/donna5.jpg Anyway, We just need to be ourselves, on both sides. Just relax. Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 There's this girl at the gym class i go to, but i dont know how to start to talking to her. Im quite a shy person, but since i've been at uni i have improved slightly, but talking to girls has always been a huge barrier for me that i cant seem to get over. I basically need some advice from you guys about how i can start to talk to her and any other tips you can think of. My low self confidence has been taking over my life for my whole life and im fed up with it now, its time to change. Any suggestions will be most welcome, cheers guys. Share your humor with her, no matter how horrible or dorky it may be right now. Eventually it will improve Do some research on different styles of humor and find one or two areas that you'd think you'd be good at and focus on developing it. If you can make yourself laugh, chances are you might be able to make another laugh too......hopefully. Take a stand up comedy class. Then let it flow. Link to post Share on other sites
griffinchicken53 Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 i'm in the same boat as you. What has added to my dilemna is when i try to talk to a woman and no intentions other than just to talk, i get the cold shoulder basically not wanting to talk to me. then the better looking guy comes up and she talks to him for 3 hours. i've been rejected alot, and i dwell on it instead of looking at it as experience. Don't go this route, it is self destructive. i've reclused back into my shell somewhat, now anytime i see a woman i assume she has a boyfriend, and i don't want to get beaten. Link to post Share on other sites
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