Wife wants a 3 month seperation, in January.

[esque_darker]

I was talking to my wife last night and i was telling her we need to spend some more time together, mid conversation she sprung i want to seperate for 3 months on me. i will say that we are currently in and open relationship. we were doing 100% fine til last night and i am just confused, totally! she says that she need to grow as a person and get closer to her son, who i consider my son. we have been married for 5 years and together for 8. she wants space becasue she feels she "settled" for me, and has been feeling this way for 4-5 years.

 

she wants to wait til after all the holidays and then do it near the first of the year. what should i do? i am totally lost.

[jenny]

Originally posted by esque_darker

I was talking to my wife last night and i was telling her we need to spend some more time together, mid conversation she sprung i want to seperate for 3 months on me. i will say that we are currently in and open relationship. we were doing 100% fine til last night and i am just confused, totally! she says that she need to grow as a person and get closer to her son, who i consider my son. we have been married for 5 years and together for 8. she wants space becasue she feels she "settled" for me, and has been feeling this way for 4-5 years.

 

she wants to wait til after all the holidays and then do it near the first of the year. what should i do? i am totally lost.

 

 

o, this is just a tragic miscommunication. she has been unhappy for a very long time, and somehow the two of you have not ever talked effectively about it. this is still a warning signal, though, i think - she is giving you 4 more months to try and work this out. if you want to keep this relationship, there are a couple of suggestions i might have:

 

*if you are doing anything with anybody else, stop it now and completely while you get this sorted out with her. even if you agreed to an open relationship, i assume you have decided the one with your wife is the primary one. the last thing you need right now is a third party complicating things.

 

*it still does not get said enough - go to a therapist as soon as you can. you have a repreive, use it, ask her if she would go to one if you can find an open-minded and productive one.

 

*is there anything you guys could do together with your son? for your son?

 

 

xox j

[esque_darker]

Well after a few long talk it is not an option, she just wanted the few months to get financhialy stable. i am not leaving near nov. 1st. i am not seeing anyone at all at the moment but she is, she wanted to be in the Dom/sub lifestyle for a long time and she has found a guy (he lives 8 hours away) that has become her master. i am not sure if this is the main impact on us. she says it is not, we have really really good communication. i have found that her "master" told her not to sleep with other men, and is now telling her things like "you spend to much time on the computer, you need to find more constructive things to do".

 

Another thing is with the seperation talk she has decided no more sex for us, but she is still going to see her master and be intimate with him. and now she tells me she loves me more then i can ever know and i am her best friend, she is becoming more and more distant as the days pass, i do not know how i will make it to november.

 

She has felt that she "settled" for me and wants to me to leave the house and move somewhere else, she wants to grow more independent and grow closer to her son. but i will be allowed to date her and we will still be in contact and spend holiday together. she thinks we got married to quickly (dateed and live together for three years) and she thought the feeling that she settled for me would go away but it has not. so she wants me to leave so she can grow, i guess.

 

Oh and i have not seen or slept with anyone for awhile. i am just working 12-14 hours a day.

[Reckless]

"....she just wanted the few months to get financially stable"

 

Why so? why does she have to separate from you to become financially stable? This is confusing..

 

"she has found a guy (he lives 8 hours away) that has become her master. i am not sure if this is the main impact on us. .."

 

Let me get this straight, you are wondering if your wifes sexual relationship with another man has any affect whatsoever on your marriage?

 

"her "master" told her not to sleep with other men...she has decided no more sex for us, but she is still going to see her master and be intimate with him...."

 

You have a relationship with very bad communication - you said you thought you were doing "100 per cent fine" up until a few nights ago. Newsflash! You most certainly were not, you were in deep trouble and just weren't paying attention. Your wifes confident is another man, and you are okay with that. She's been having a sexual relationship with him, and you are okay with that too. She has been unhappy for years despite your 'enlightened' approach to the marriage - that is not doing 100 per cent fine, that's doing very badly indeed. If you are okay with not seeing her for more than a few hours a day, not being the major influence in her life and not giving her the emotional and sexual intimacy she needs, why are you not okay with getting out of her life for a while?

 

I'm sorry if you are 'lost' but what do you expect? Call it an open marriage if you like but what wasn't open is the lines of communication. You may talk but if this has come as a shock for you you weren't communicating. If your wife has any love for you, suggest getting back on a more traditional footing, getting some marriage counseling and giving the her master the royal boot.