uberconfused Posted September 12, 2003 Share Posted September 12, 2003 I'm 25 and my fiance is 27. We've been together about 5 years and been engaged for about a month now. We both still live with our parents. We usually get along well. At the engagement time, it felt right, I was sure then. But I'm having second thoughts now. There are a few issues I struggle with. First we get into bad arguments about stupid things and we both fly off the handle. I don't think they are healthy fights... I mean we both end up yelling at each other a the top of out lungs. Another issue is that we don't really have the same outlook on life. I mean I'm a total optimist and the isn't. I really have a hard time dealing with the negativity sometimes. The last issues and biggest is I've met a girl and we are just friends, nothing more. But I'm having romantic feelings for her and she has much more in common with me and it just got me thinking. Its not even about this girl for me, its just the idea that we have more in common and she is a optimist. Just the thought that maybe someone else is more compatible with me. I feel like maybe I'm to young to be getting married. We both really love each other and I know some doubts are normal. But I'm so confused. I'm really heartbroken about the whole thing... please help. If I've left out something important let me know... I'm having a hard time expressing all of my thoughts. -uberconfused Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 12, 2003 Share Posted September 12, 2003 Sometimes people to decide to get married because they become a habit. If after five years you haven't worked out your relationship well enough that you are not fighting all the time, you are definitely not candidates for marriage. It will only get worse. Take it from me, pessimists usuallly manage to drag optimists down. I don't know why it is but it does seem to happen. Really, it sounds like there are a number of issues stacked against you. It is always better to stop an engagement than to have to end a marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
LadyJ Posted September 14, 2003 Share Posted September 14, 2003 I understand what it is like to be living with a negative person... My mother was in a bad mood every day of her life and now I find myself engaged to a person just like that. I am very easy going like my dad. I don't think these people will change so I think we basically have to decide if this is something we can accept and live with the rest of our lives or not. If you marry someone you have to know that they are what they are and you can't go into it hoping for change because you will just be let down. I am currently trying to decide if I can live with this myself. It's a hard decision to make. Living with my fiance is like living with The Grinch 24-7. I try to have a sense of humor about it by teasing him to upset him more which I often find very amusing and sometimes he even lightens up if I just laugh at him. Only problem is this can be a lot of work and sometimes I just get sick of always having to he the "light" around the house. Link to post Share on other sites
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