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Any Mistletoe Mishaps ?

Gold Pile

By Gold Pile,
in General Relationship Discussion

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Gold Pile

Gold Pile

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Don't see them much anymore but I sure hated them when I was younger. Always seemed to get attacked by women twice my age and weight. I did have 2 good experiences...2 attractive women to kiss and one of them ended up sleeping with me a week later. How has the mistletoe treated you?

 

When I was 22 I was working in the engineering area of a 400 person factory. 2 heavy secretaries walked in, produced a mistletoe and attacked poor Ronald several desks away from me. I headed for the door. I dashed into the break-room and tossed some snacks at them just before they reached me. While they debated on whether to snack on the treats or me ... I pushed a cabinet in front of the door. Soon the 500 pound pair were forcing their way in. I climbed out the 2nd story window (the only exit).

 

It was a long way down so I climbed up onto the roof. Just as I breathed a sigh of relief I saw Mr. Storch the senior VP glaring at me. "Pile !!!! what are you doing up here?". Mr. Storch was a very stern man and I knew my career was over. I opted to tell the truth and yelled that 2 of his bloated secretary-beasts were packing a mistletoe and aiming to defile me. He laughed (a first) and said it was the same reason he started coming up to the roof years ago. He led me to an area of the roof where 4 foot high letters displayed the company name. We sat down, noting that I was cold he let me lean against a large warm "steam=tower".

 

He was seated on a pillow behind the letter "B"...it afforded him a grand view of the parking lot. He had 3 tool boxes up there filled with snacks, cigarettes, cups, bowls, and whiskey. We sat drinking for half an hour then I was stunned to hear his phone ring. No cell phones back then, he had actually drilled holes and ran a line to the roof. We heard a squeak from the main door 2 stories below. Storch produced a pellet gun (rifle) and got up on his knees. "someone's sneeking out early" he said. I noted he was aiming straight ahead rather than down....a few seconds later he fired and a pigeon perched on a nearby water-tower fell lifeless to the ground in front of the scoundrel, we heard her scream. Poor pigeon but I couldn't help but laugh.

 

Everyone had assumed pollution was responsible for all the dead pigeons (storch had put out a memo saying experts had determined exactly that) The water tower was slightly heated and always attracted pigeons. They could often be found on utility wires too. He would shoot them off the wires if his target was parked or driving under them. Another building on the premises had a very steep roof and the dead pigeons would roll down it gaining enough momentum to fall aprox 6 feet away from the structure. He'd shoot the birds from there if anyone was close enough. In our hours up there (yes, he had a can to pee in) he dropped birds on (or near) 2 occupied cars and the above mentioned person. 3 a day was his limit. Pretty much anyone was fair game for the falling pigeon treatment...customers, workers, even the company president.

 

At the end of the day he told me he'd fire me if I was up on the roof again or told anyone. He ignored me for a year, then the last day before Xmas he said " see ya on the roof...dress warm" I brought some whiskey and 2 foam seats....he loved the new seating. All told we spent 3 pre-holidays up there. I left the company soon after the last time. Indoors Storch never talked to me or anyone below high management rank. On my last day he told me he'd miss our xmas roof time. I kinda liked that SOB.

 

When I walked out for the last time I waved at the letter "B"....I was actually gonna miss him. Just as I put my car in gear, a bloody pigeon landed on my hood.

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