So did I read too much into his hug or am I on to something?

[vanilla87]

I've mentioned this before, but there are some recent updates to the situation that needs to be known, because its getting interesting...

 

So my problem is this: I'm very confused about my guy friends behavior towards me lately. I get this vibe that he wants more, but its complicated.

 

He has a gf, but he just can't stand her now. She has repeatedly hurt him the last 4-5 months by cheating multiple times, lied non-stop, and has turned her friends on him. The thing is that it all started when she went away to college the first time, but 15 hrs away. She is only 18 and sort of lacks the common sense when giving him respect. She does feel theaten by me though, mostly cause I've know him since I was 14-15 years old, but have been friends with him since I was 16 and he was 18. We use to flirt a lot in hs and we were very touchy-feely and this year he admitted he had a crush on me in hs and wanted more but didn't cause he didn't want to ruin the friendship and that he knew I had a crush on him then too, but he liked me way before I even became friends with him, so there is some history.

 

He is going through, alot. He has PTSD and its because of the army and having been over seas, so he is stressed out a lot and thats a longer story. But all year its been weird between me and him. But about three years ago, we hooked up and it almost killed the friendship, mostly cause I was involved with someone at the time and he was sort of too, so it just was intense.

 

But around feb. we ended up making out one night at my house and he was all different and what not. He hugged me probably a total of 5 times that night and 4 times before he left. He lent me his coat at one point cause it was cold out and later on before he had to leave, he was sitting very close to me, took his right hand and I didn't even notice, but swept hair that was dangling in my face and brushed it behind my ear, but all slow and sensual. He also was playful with me and at one point stole my camera and started taking pictures of me with it. He also then practically sat ontop of me cause we sat so close and was looking at some of my pictures I've taken and then he saw one and told me I look beautiful in it and the next one that I was gorgeous. So he gets all smart on me, takes his hand and checks my pulse on my neck and his excuse was to see if my heart beat was racing from what he said and it was. I do remember him just looking at me alot when I turned my head away, cause I could see it from the corner of my eye and what not. But the thing that caught my attention the most was that after we made out, we talked and he confronted me about something and he then stood in front of me and took both of his hands looked me in the eyes and then kissed me deeply and then dashed out the door so that he could prevent himself from furthering the actions.

 

Then fast forward to september and I go over to his house. We hang out, but we also ended up sleeping together too. He was technically on a break with his gf and the thing is that I was the one that made it all about no-strings attached, and he got emotional on me, by trying to say that I did feel something and that by me not admitting is like him saying that didn't think it meant something to him and in a way he was right, cause I suppressed how I felt about him. He also stated that he felt bad about how he went about it all and that he had too much respect for me to have slept with me and it he also said that I'm pretty, smart, funny, just that his exact words "it would be like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole...", and I guess I don't blame him, just that he caught me off guard with everything that night. But he did pulled me into a cuddle/holding position, twice that night and that he didn't let go on either one, but that I ended up rolling away both because I was trying to not get emotional too.

 

Okay so now fast forward to this past thursday and we hangout, but he couldn't drive because the VA hospital gave him meds for his ribs he bruised after having fallen down and blacking out on the pavement at the bar, long story. So he was very mellow. But he told me how his gf was treating him and the lack of respect and that he has never felt this awful inside from the way she was treating him. I thought he was going to break down right then and there. I made him laugh a lot that night and that he mentioned how he hasn't felt good like this in a really long time and said that he appreciates having me in his life and that he trust me, cause I'm the same as him, we both have high trust issues. But when I dropped him back home, we hugged, and he gave me a bear hug, but then he pulled me in tighter and didn't let go and made me wonder. But the one thing that made me think about this was that night his gf was flying in home for winter break and he IM'd me viva la facebook and that she called when we we're driving but never mentioned that he was in the car with me nor mentioned that he wasn't alone. Also on the ride back to his house, I did mention how his gf requested to be my friend on facebook and gladly did cause if she messes with him badly or tries anything on me and what not, I told him I have his back in this and that I'll play mental warfare on her by saying things that could make her regret to even think of hurting him or talking to me and he asked what I would say and I said it all depends on what she says and how will all depend on the degree I need to take in order to make that girl crack or cry. So it was a very interesting night...

 

Even after all that, we still get along, no matter what. I've told him to his face that I'm the one that'll be there in the end and that I do care about him, alot. I did send him a email/message of encouragement to him, to reassure him that he matters and that if he ever thinks this life isn't worth it again, that he needs to remember that I care about him and he matters deeply to me. He has openly admit to me that no matter how far away I am from him, that he can always talk to me about anything and that he enjoys confining in me.

 

Overall, he is the only guy I completely trust in my life and would put my own life in his hands with no questions asked. But see we're very tight and it kind of blurs the black & white into a grey area now because of the hooking up we did and so I'm now very unsure of what is going on. i've been upfront since July to him about how I feel and that I've done it three times already this past year and that in the most recent I stated that no matter what, if things change down the road and you want something instead, that you should know there is always a place in my heart for you and that no matter what you choose, i'll always be your friend. So for now I'm trying to let him figure things out and be the support he needs from a friend so he can get better, but I'm good at waiting when it comes to him.

 

So I've written a lot and I'm hoping that it gives some incite to everything. I'm just hoping that maybe someone can tell me if he is even flirting with the idea of something down the road or that maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I get strong vibes that he is trying to tell me something, I just wonder if I'm right or wrong about all this...