Funny how the dumpee has the last laugh

[amandaparker503]

Ok i am sad today.

 

Been a while since i have been on here, the last time i wrote i had bumped into ex with new chick, which i found out after being dumped , that he cheated on me for her.

 

Any way since then, we had a chat and called a truths, he wanted peace to get on with his future and to be honest i am so worn out i just want to be on friendly terms with him. So we agreed (after i had my say!) to be freinds and since then have spoken a few times..generally him telling me how busy he is with work..(boasting boasting!) and general chatter.

 

I have to say, i put up my christmas tree today and opened up the box..in there was last years christmas cards..boo hoo..two from him telling me how much he loves me..putting up the tree reminds me of him and just everything about christmas..even my son said remember mummy when Ian was here and put the chocolates under the tree..its all just heartbreaking..

...so why is it..he is just fine..he has his new girl, she is younger than me..so a lot younger than him..she doesnt have kids, he has 3..she works in a shop..he is Mr ambition..yet he drives her to work..is always with her and just seems so happy ...why is it , he left his wife for me , while she was pregnant, left his 3 kids behind and would always put me first..then treated me like a queen , yet at the same time controlled me and made me feel like i was always wrong..he loved me like no other..but dummps me out of the blue, left me and my son and then i find out he cheated on me with tarts on hurtspace and met some young local girl and is with her..he is OK..he has not had time to miss me ..he is just great, christmast with a girl who can stay at his house because she has not kids..he hasnt even introduced her to his own kids...

 

Why is he so happy.

 

I am ok ..i get on with life much better than i did 4 months ago..it just seems unfair that the person who is a wa**** (sorry) gets the glory.

What ever happend to what goes around comes around.??

 

I cried today for the first time in months.

I kinda think at times he is having a midlife crisis.

He lives his life for a female and nothing else. Very strange.

[alwayssme]

Ok i am sad today.

 

Been a while since i have been on here, the last time i wrote i had bumped into ex with new chick, which i found out after being dumped , that he cheated on me for her.

 

Any way since then, we had a chat and called a truths, he wanted peace to get on with his future and to be honest i am so worn out i just want to be on friendly terms with him. So we agreed (after i had my say!) to be freinds and since then have spoken a few times..generally him telling me how busy he is with work..(boasting boasting!) and general chatter.

 

I have to say, i put up my christmas tree today and opened up the box..in there was last years christmas cards..boo hoo..two from him telling me how much he loves me..putting up the tree reminds me of him and just everything about christmas..even my son said remember mummy when Ian was here and put the chocolates under the tree..its all just heartbreaking..

...so why is it..he is just fine..he has his new girl, she is younger than me..so a lot younger than him..she doesnt have kids, he has 3..she works in a shop..he is Mr ambition..yet he drives her to work..is always with her and just seems so happy ...why is it , he left his wife for me , while she was pregnant, left his 3 kids behind and would always put me first.

 

 

 

 

.then treated me like a queen , yet at the same time controlled me and made me feel like i was always wrong..he loved me like no other..but dummps me out of the blue, left me and my son and then i find out he cheated on me with tarts on hurtspace and met some young local girl and is with her..he is OK..he has not had time to miss me ..he is just great, christmast with a girl who can stay at his house because she has not kids..he hasnt even introduced her to his own kids...

 

Why is he so happy.

 

I am ok ..i get on with life much better than i did 4 months ago..it just seems unfair that the person who is a wa**** (sorry) gets the glory.

What ever happend to what goes around comes around.??

 

I cried today for the first time in months.

I kinda think at times he is having a midlife crisis.

He lives his life for a female and nothing else. Very strange.

 

 

He is messed up but look at what he did to his ex wife.

Now he did this to you.

[amaysngrace]

He is messed up but look at what he did to his ex wife.

Now he did this to you.

 

Exactly. I hope this new girl enjoys this Christmas because what if he gets her pregnant? What will next Christmas be like for her then?

[PinkToes]

Yeah, he's pretty messed up. I know what it's like to love & miss someone who isn't worth it, so I really do understand your pain. But honestly, you didn't lose much. Trust me, he'll leave the new girl when the shine wears off, and chances are that he'll keep playing that game until the day he dies. You, meanwhile, will move on with your life and find a man who knows how to commit and you will build a happy life for yourself and your son.

 

And if/when he comes crawling back because he realizes what he lost, you will be able to see the truth about him. If you & he were married, there's a pretty good chance you would be the pregnant wife that got dumped next. So be happy about that. It will come back around to bite him, eventually!

[Trialbyfire]

What kind of man would leave a pregnant wife and 3 kids? What a loser.

[norajane]

why is it , he left his wife for me , while she was pregnant, left his 3 kids behind and would always put me first..then treated me like a queen ,

 

yet at the same time controlled me and made me feel like i was always wrong..he loved me like no other..but dummps me out of the blue, left me and my son

 

and then i find out he cheated on me with tarts on hurtspace and met some young local girl and is with her..

 

Why is he so happy.

 

A man who leaves his 3 kids and another on the way and who puts YOU first? Most men whose marriages are dead and start an affair because they do not want to be married anymore, generally put their KIDS first. Most men and women put their kids first, unless they're selfish bastards.

 

Why would you expect him to treat you any better than he treasts his own kids?

 

In any case, he didn't put YOU first. He put HIMSELF first. He got what he wanted from you, then he got bored and found other women to cheat with and then finally this woman he's with now. He'll get bored with her, too, and cheat on her, so don't think she's got something worth having. He's selfish, period.

[amandaparker503]

so don't think she's got something worth having. He's selfish, period.

 

Thanks everyone.x

 

I feel for the whole emotional side to him..the words..how much he loved me, how scary he found it because he loved me so much...I know they are all just words...I cant help thinking she has something worth having.

Daft i know.

 

I think its all about memories at the moment for me..music was a big part of his life, he used to play music to me all the time and either want to dance to it or listen to the words..so now..whenever i listen to my music it brings back memories...will that fade..will that stop?..i mean i truely can not imagine wanting to be in a new relationship ..i need to heal..i would not introduce a man into my life or my sons life without knowing i am ready...

I just dont want to go through my life thinking he was so great, he treated me like a queen, but put me so high on that pedalstool ...but the only way from there was to bring me back down , in a really conrolling and horrible emtional inscure way..I want to know that one day i will be able to let another man in..not listen to my music and think of him ..if that makes sense.

 

Also i am sure you all feel this ..its nearly christmas..my son was around today with his daddy and we all did the christmas tree and now they have both gone to spend the weekend together..(we all get on so well) and i am on my own..(first weekend in for a while i must admit!) ...and my tree is glowing..its all cosy and i want a hug..i want to be loved...

i miss the ex , maybe because i am lonely..i dont know..i just feel this time of year is hard..

But..i also can not wait to kiss this year goodbye..i spent ten months of this year , breaking up and making up , being told i am not good at this , not good at that...being lied to , cheated on..cried on because he wants me so much...i just want to kiss the god dam year goodbye.

 

Sorry I am having a crap moment!

[alwayssme]

it is hard...very hard..i spent christmas with him..i hate this

[norajane]

I just dont want to go through my life thinking he was so great,

If knowing that he dumped his 4 children, if knowing that he cheated on you throughout your relationship, and if knowing that he was a controlling ass to you aren't enough to make you realize that he is NOT great, then I'm not really sure what will.

 

Maybe in time you'll be able to look back and wonder wtf you were thinking for being so hung up on a guy who was having sex with other women and cheating on you, lying to you, and deliberately deceiving you all while supposedly treating you like a "queen".

 

Maybe the break-up is just too fresh right now. But I'd be angry if I were you, and not nostalgic, because all those "nice" things he did are tainted with his lying and cheating.

[Trialbyfire]

amandaparker, what were you thinking, that you would engage with a married man with three children and a PREGNANT wife? What in the world would make you feel good about this? Get some counselling. Seriously.

[PinkToes]

The holidays definitely make it more difficult. It starts to feel like everyone else in the world is happy and in love and it makes us long for those days when we felt the same way. Not when we were involved with a cheater, but when we felt happy and in love. And the pain of a breakup makes you feel like being with anyone would be better than being alone. That's totally normal (even though it isn't true!). But it will pass.

 

On those really sad days -- like today -- just remind yourself that all you really need to do right now is get through it. There will be days when you feel stronger and you can face the reality and learn and grow from it. But just know that all you really have to do right now is keep breathing. Sometimes we have to work on healing. Some days we just have to let the hours pass by.

[amandaparker503]

amandaparker, what were you thinking, that you would engage with a married man with three children and a PREGNANT wife? What in the world would make you feel good about this? Get some counselling. Seriously.

 

Hey hey!!..Look i know what it must seem..but..i met him after i split with my husband..we went on a date and i knew nothing about him and the wife and the kids..so anyway when he tells me he is married and has kids..i am like so what..so am i (although i had moved out)..any way he tells me about the baby on its way and the fact he is so unhappy etc etc..I need to think on this and dont contact him ..BUT...3 days later he calls me to say he has moved out and is living else where, would i meet him...the rest is history...Am i proud..i will be honest...there were plenty of times when i used to get mad at him and say you need to see your kids more and it was ME that set up the fact he has them everyother weekend for 3 days and not one! ..I feel in love with this guy and that was it.

 

And as for counselling...i had to get counselling..not because i made the choice to date a guy with kids who left his wife pregnant..NO..Because he made me feel that i was a worthless person..that my past was the cause of the split (the fact i told him i had been beaten and raped)..he made me feel that i was always wrong..dumping me ..telling me what was wrong with me..then begging me back..He made me feel crap for the fact that my ex husband and I get on like a house on fire for the sake of our son..he made me feel i was wrong to push him away because i wanted space for myself..rather than being followed around like a lost puppy..he made me feel i was wrong to tell him to hang with his mates at times...this guy dragged me down so much i didnt know myslef..i thought the fact i was depressed and down was due to my past..but no...Counselling made me see he pushed his insecurties on me..made me feel the cheater , made me feel like ****e....so thanks for the advice..but i have been there and done that...maybe that is my karma ahey..maybe that is my payback for dating a guy who i knew left his wife pregnant..but believe me going through the birth of the child..meeting the children ...doing my best for them , loving them as i do my own..i didnt date him for the friggin hell of it..i loved him and what came with him

 

Sorry if i sound harse , but i am a decent person with morals and i was once led to believe i had none through this guy and never again by anyone

I am mad at him..i am angry at him..but it gets me nowhere...he is happy ..i am sad and mad...that is life ..i have to get on with it...i do miss him , i cant help it..

BUT.....

I WOULD NEVER TAKE HIM BACK..

NEVER EVER

[Trialbyfire]

It takes two to tango, amandaparker.

 

Yes, your ex is an all-out loser but you also have some serious self-examination to do. You knew what he was. You knew it would hurt his wife and children and yet, you still entered into a relationship with a man who would do this. Where was YOUR empathy when the wife and children needed it?

[amandaparker503]

It takes two to tango, amandaparker.

 

Where was YOUR empathy when the wife and children needed it?

 

Empathy with the wife when she needed it was not my job..not my wife and not my kids..that is his job...

..but...i will tell you now..i felt ****e..i broke up with him for a month before the child was due.. like i said before i got him seeing the kids..paying her money...seeing them more often..all sorts of stuff..

..Make me perfect no..make me a ****..no..i did what i could for the man i loved and for the fact i have a child and i know how hard it is.

 

I was told she wanted the child to save the realtionship..he didnt..they agreed to abort it..it didnt happen....he said he would leave her anyway , the child would not make him stay..he didnt love her...she said fine..she is having the child anyway...hindsight..he was more than likely lying about that...

 

...look i dont know what is truth from his mouth...

..takes two..yer of course it does..i met him..i thought about it ..i went for it..This will be the same as his new bird is feeling about me i guess..i am notthing...my child is nothing to her..his wife ..his kids...is the circle of it all..

 

Life didnt come with a book on wrong and right..i have morals and i stepped over my own morals..i know that..but that was my choice at the time.

 

I dont know the wife...never met her..tried to but he would have none of it..kept us apart...cleary now i know why..

 

I did not make him leave his wife..or ask him..and i was not with him at the time, that was his choice and i will not take responsiblity for it.

[Trialbyfire]

Empathy with the wife when she needed it was not my job..not my wife and not my kids..that is his job...

 

I did not make him leave his wife..or ask him..and i was not with him at the time, that was his choice and i will not take responsiblity for it.

As it was your choice to get involved with him. Not my or anyone else's responsibility to have empathy or sympathy for your current pain and sadness. Do you see how that works?

 

Life can be karmic.

[amandaparker503]

As it was your choice to get involved with him. Not my or anyone else's responsibility to have empathy or sympathy for your current pain and sadness. Do you see how that works?

 

Life can be karmic.

 

 

Ha ha..well that is what i said..i think that is true..its my turn..she has gone through her crap and still is with him..she has finally met someone else and put in for DIVORCE from him and that just done his head in..but good on her and good luck to her..i understand they are still at war..he thinks he is hard done by because she gives him attitude and wants money...hey ho..same story he moans about..not my life anymore ..i am out of it.

 

I dont want sympathy..empathy maybe..but we are all human and some will understand some wont..i cant judge you on that.

 

I just hope he gets his Karma..i dont care about mine...i have lived 10 months of ****e..2 years of him and 4 months of councelling and at the end of it all ..one day i will be the better more ground and more happy person and that is my goal in life..not to beat myslef up about what was said, what was done and what i cant change..but to build a life for me and my boy that is happy and we wake up thinking life is good with us in it rahter than not.

[Trialbyfire]

I don't believe in self-flagellation. What I do believe in, is people learning something from their own experiences. If they learn nothing, the next time a similar situation presents itself, they continue to act selfishly.

 

From what you've stated, I don't see any real remorse for your actions. Good luck in finding future happiness, if you aren't interested in figuring out why you're willing to put your happiness above everyone else's and for that matter, why you wouldn't have been disgusted by a man like this in the first place.

 

"Not my problem".

 

It's identically the same attitude that your ex has displayed and continues displaying. I'm not certain how you can, in all good conscience, put him down in any way.

[amandaparker503]

With all due respect i am not here to show you remorse for my actions and i wont either. I have dealt with what i had to over this whole mess..i have done that though councelling and i will not go back to it. You do not know what remorse i have , or have gone through or have shown so you can not make judgement other than what you read and that is writing value.

If you knew me you would know my remose, but you do not.

I will stand up for myself because i know i that I 100% can put this guy down in every single way..you only know a few moments of what went on.

I cant even be bothered to explain it all ..i just know i have examined myself long and hard and that is not over either..every day i learn , read books and try and make myself a better person , because i was stripped down to my core and i had to examine myself ..my life...my choices...and like i said i can not go back on the past..i can only go forward and make my life better ..so dont judge me and say that i am not interested in figurin gout why i am willing to put my happiness before everyone else..because the one thing i do not do is that..i put my family first ..my son ..and my parents ..and you telling you a bit of truth here..it was the first time in my life that i acutally thought ..i am happy ..i love this guy so i am going to go with my feelings and put them first..the very first time..and hey it went wrong..was wrong..

 

..there is a lot more to a book than its cover..i can not take away the simple fact of it all is that YES i knew he had a wife with children and she was pregnant..That is an issue i have lived with for 2 years and still stuggle with when i talk to people about it..but i dont lie about it..i admit my mistakes..most people run from them

[Geishawhelk]

Life can be karmic.

 

There is not one single moment, in one single life, where life is NOT karmic.

 

I just hope he gets his Karma..i dont care about mine...

 

Everyone gets their Karma.

And you really should care about yours.

You're getting it right now.

 

And Life is a series of 'Nows'.

[Geishawhelk]

Empathy with the wife when she needed it was not my job..not my wife and not my kids..that is his job...

I did not make him leave his wife..or ask him..and i was not with him at the time, that was his choice and i will not take responsiblity for it.

 

..there is a lot more to a book than its cover..i can not take away the simple fact of it all is that YES i knew he had a wife with children and she was pregnant..That is an issue i have lived with for 2 years and still stuggle with when i talk to people about it..but i dont lie about it..i admit my mistakes..most people run from them

 

Can't quite marry these comments up.

[amandaparker503]

You're getting it right now.

 

And Life is a series of 'Nows'.

 

 

I think it started 4 months ago actually and dont i know it.

I dont care was not meant as in i dont give a s***...I mean i can deal with mine as i have had to face up to the facts of what went on and i am learning and living it.

 

He on the other hand has not had Karma for either of his actions and will not live and learn and will never admit his wrongs ..so i stuggle to see why some get paid back and others dont.

[norajane]

..there is a lot more to a book than its cover..i can not take away the simple fact of it all is that YES i knew he had a wife with children and she was pregnant..That is an issue i have lived with for 2 years and still stuggle with when i talk to people about it..but i dont lie about it..i admit my mistakes..most people run from them

 

The point is, when a guy does that to his pregnant and wife and 3 kids, it's a huge, flashing, red warning sign that he is f*cked up and is going to eventually do something like that to YOU.

 

You may not have cared about his wife, but you should recognize that guys that can do that are BAD NEWS. That's why you should consider how you would feel in her shoes when you get involved with guys...because, eventually, that's how they will treat you.

[amandaparker503]

Can't quite marry these comments up.

 

Its been a hard 4 months and i dont want to drag it all up again...

...when the wife wanted empathy..I had no way to give empathy as i was with her bloke..i didnt even feel empathy towards her at the very early weeks of the realtionship..i am just being honest..i know that is so mean..

..but weeks and months and years into it..i had my emapathy..and did what i could as explained..

..then through councelling talking about it and learning about why i went down the dark road of this relationship has taught me a thing or two about myself and my empathy and my thoughts and feelings on this matter or not great..but like i said i have gone throught the learning stage , the pain , the self beating up ..i went through this for months and i am trying to make my life better and i cant do this constantly explaining what and why i did what i did..i have to make sure i dont make bad choices again in my lifea and that is what i want to do.

 

Its hard to explain in words and i am clearly not explaining it well.

[Geishawhelk]

....i can deal with mine as i have had to face up to the facts of what went on and i am learning and living it.

 

He on the other hand has not had Karma for either of his actions and will not live and learn and will never admit his wrongs ..so i stuggle to see why some get paid back and others dont.

 

Karma isn't about payback.

You don't understand Karma.

or what you do know is inaccurate, put it that way.

 

Sorry about this, I don't mean to take your thread OT.

It just irritates me slightly when people start bandying the term 'Karma' about, and are completely in the dark about what it actually is.

[amandaparker503]

Karma isn't about payback.

You don't understand Karma.

or what you do know is inaccurate, put it that way.

 

.

 

 

Well i cant argue as i thought it was about payback..

or about what you reap what you sow ..??