Reggie Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 They are big and shiny, like new tires(lots of tread on 'em, too).:bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Fountainhead-sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Author desertmoon Posted January 29, 2009 Author Share Posted January 29, 2009 They are big and shiny, like new tires(lots of tread on 'em, too).:bunny: You are cracking me up...!!!! AYN Rand, yes! I read the books...movies are for the lazies....you should try reading...movies never capture the whole essence. Shiny and what? it doesn't sound normal...LOL!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted January 29, 2009 Share Posted January 29, 2009 Actually, I did sort of like the Fountainhead. Books/movies-not mutually exclusive. I'm shellacking em' as I type. Sort of brittle, though. Price one pays, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Author desertmoon Posted January 30, 2009 Author Share Posted January 30, 2009 so here's my response to Mr. Lucky: You were quoted because of the obvious contradiction between the protestation of the hurt and pain from your H's cheating and the indifference to your part in potentially inflicting that same pain on your MM's spouse. Has life numbed you to the point that you feel no empathy for other people? Mr. Lucky Oh was it? Really. Well, I do not know about "the protestation"- I certainly did not scream, yell, demand answers or anything like that.I did not even want to talk about it. I did not (still don't) care to know why...even though, my H follows me around trying to explain. I do not think there is ever an answer good enough to satisfy me...why ask? It's done. I do not hate him. You are right about the "contradictions". Life is full of it. Like the "moral" man who probably is against prostitution, but would make his wife (who obviously does not find him sexually attracted anymore) perform sexual acts in exchange for money...sure, it's "role-playing"...life is funny that way, isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 You are right about the "contradictions". Life is full of it. Like the "moral" man who probably is against prostitution, but would make his wife (who obviously does not find him sexually attracted anymore) perform sexual acts in exchange for money...sure, it's "role-playing"...life is funny that way, isn't it? You are right, I am against prostitution. I think it cheats both the provider and the client. It's interesting that you keep coming back to a thread I posted 2 or 3 years ago. I'm not concerned that you don't believe that it was a game we played to spice up our 20-year marriage. In fact, here's more ammunition for you - in the last year, we've really gotten into sex toys. Perhaps you see my wife's willingness to at times substitute a dildo for me as further proof of her lack of attraction to me? Oh was it? Really. Well, I do not know about "the protestation"- I certainly did not scream, yell, demand answers or anything like that.I did not even want to talk about it. I did not (still don't) care to know why...even though, my H follows me around trying to explain. I do not think there is ever an answer good enough to satisfy me...why ask? It's done. I do not hate him. I'm sorry that you don't think that "protestation" is the right word - how about "statement" ? "Declaration" ? Regardless, you skillfully avoided the issue - if your H's cheating hurt you, how do you rationalize your involvement with a MM whose spouse will be subject to the same pain? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author desertmoon Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 It was JUST a game, eh? I swear I thought you were complaining about her lack of interest..hmmm....let's see...I think you said this ( but maybe it wasn't you??????) A familiar story on Love Shack - married 20+ years, 4 kids, sex life down to 1 or 2X month. I railed mightily and long against this and embarked on every strategy from romantic seduction to pouting demand. If I got any at all, it was "obligation sex" - not very fun or rewarding for the giver or receiver. Just basically got angry and gave up. Again, a familiar story. The frustrating part was hearing my wife say that she was happy with our relationship and felt the problem was simply that I was putting too much emphasis on sex when she was "too tired", "too stressed" or "not in the mood". some game. I'm sorry that you don't think that "protestation" is the right word - how about "statement" ? "Declaration" ? Regardless, you skillfully avoided the issue - if your H's cheating hurt you, how do you rationalize your involvement with a MM whose spouse will be subject to the same pain? Mr. LuckyHow do I rationalize it? I don't-i have said it so many times-no excuses, no rationalization--I am with this MM because I want to. Do I not care for the MM's wife? I have no profound feelings for her. I do not wish her harm, or sadness or happiness . OMG, I am a sociopath!!! Affairs happen. It happened to me, tough luck. Move on. I did. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Do I not care for the MM's wife? I have no profound feelings for her. I do not wish her harm, or sadness or happiness . OMG, I am a sociopath!!! Never felt you were a sociopath, simply that your experiences in this regard have closed you off to seeing how you are positioned to harm her in the same way you were hurt. I agree that you don't "owe" her anything, anymore than you have a pre-existing debt to the guy whose wallet you find or to the accident victim you pass by on the side of the road. The question becomes, once in that situation, what are you going to do ? Affairs happen. It happened to me, tough luck. Move on. I did. Affairs don't "happen". They are willingly engaged in by the parties involved... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author desertmoon Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 Never felt you were a sociopath, simply that your experiences in this regard have closed you off to seeing how you are positioned to harm her in the same way you were hurt. I agree that you don't "owe" her anything, anymore than you have a pre-existing debt to the guy whose wallet you find or to the accident victim you pass by on the side of the road. The question becomes, once in that situation, what are you going to do ? Oh the sociopath thing was not attributed to you. Inside joke. What situation? If she finds out? What I will do will depend on what she will do. Otherwise, the OM has to take care of her..or take care of "their" business. Affairs don't "happen". They are willingly engaged in by the parties involved... You are right, thanks for the correction. I was being flippant, as in "crap happens". Yes, you win some, you lose some. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 What situation? If she finds out? What I will do will depend on what she will do. Otherwise, the OM has to take care of her..or take care of "their" business. You have every right to your own happiness desertmoon, maybe more right than many based on what you've gone through in your marriage. It's just unfortunate that it comes (at least potentially) at someone else's expense... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author desertmoon Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 You have every right to your own happiness desertmoon, maybe more right than many based on what you've gone through in your marriage. It's just unfortunate that it comes (at least potentially) at someone else's expense... Mr. Lucky I don't feel entitled to things. I don't feel I have the "right" to do things because of what I have gone through. I did at some point. I felt like I had a free pass to do exactly what the H did (though I never did anything then)....but, I gave up on that notion. To me it was internally debilitating. Having an affair to hurt my H is too much of a sacrifice--I am having an affair because he(OM) makes me feel good. Who knows? maybe discovering this affair would be HER (OM's wife)ticket to freedom and happiness.. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 Who knows? maybe discovering this affair would be HER (OM's wife)ticket to freedom and happiness.. Maybe your husband's first OW made the same assessment of your situation? How fair did you feel that was ??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author desertmoon Posted February 2, 2009 Author Share Posted February 2, 2009 Maybe your husband's first OW made the same assessment of your situation? How fair did you feel that was ??? Mr. Lucky Maybe she did, too bad she was cut loose by my H right after she made the mistake of contacting me. Link to post Share on other sites
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