rluv Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 Hello - my boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months straight. When we both met, I was at the end of my divorce proceedings, he had been separated for about a year and a half, has since filed and in the midst of proceedings. We now spend almost all of our free time together (always him asking), and I have also spent a lot of time with his two kids, getting to know them. We are not just casually dating. I was under the impression that we were serious. But I let him know that it may be a possibility that I may get laid off, and he let me know that as much time as we spend together, living together is not an option for him, it's an entirely different thing, and he's not ready for that level of commitment. To be honest, that really, really hurt to know he wouldn't be open to us living together if I lost my job, hurt to know he would not be there for me if that happened. We had a very poor evening, with me reacting, and also trying to understand that it is probably a very mature decision to make. He tells me he loves me, but I think he likes having me around, someone to do stuff with, and I am wondering if I am just the rebound chick. In other words, if he's not open to living with me, he may not ever be, which means he is not serious about me - period. Thoughts?? Link to post Share on other sites
pelicanpreacher Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 You are moving too fast. You are divorcing and now life has reared its ugly head to complicate your financial situation on the job front. Even if you never met him or anyone else at this time you'd still be faced with this dilemma so pull up your big girl panties, make a plan to resolve your financial predicament, and move forward with your life as a single unattached woman. If you decide to continue dating this man once you're fully on your own two feet then so be it else, c'est la vie as well. Do not, however, look at this relationship with longterm expectations but instead, since life goes on no matter what we make of it, make the most of it and go with the flow! Link to post Share on other sites
BikerBeagle Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 All of the other stuff aside, why in the world would you expect someone you have only been dating for 7 months to "save" you from your financial crisis? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rluv Posted December 14, 2008 Author Share Posted December 14, 2008 I didn't expect him to "save" me necessarily, it just hurt to know that someone I have been with so intensely would not be there for me. I guess I need some reality perspective. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 I didn't expect him to "save" me necessarily, it just hurt to know that someone I have been with so intensely would not be there for me. I guess I need some reality perspective. Thanks. I dont understand the "intensely" part. You have been dating this guy, (who has his own marital problems to resolve) for 7 months, living in seperate homes. Your divorce was final, his still is not. You two sound like you helped each other through tough times coming out of bad relationships. The sex was probably great too. Where in the above is a committment to "live happily ever after"? It sounds more like this guy, who's divorce isn't even final yet is moving slowly, being cautious, acting in a mature manner. Maybe he's learned his lesson. A close emotional and physical bond does not always equal instant lifetime committment. It's also not reasonable to expect a man you have been "dating" for any length of time, 7 weeks, months or even years to pitch in and help you solve financial problems you brought into the dating relationship. Those are your problems alone. Sounds like a good guy who is going to be "sure" before he commits again. Kudo's to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 14, 2008 Share Posted December 14, 2008 To be honest, that really, really hurt to know he wouldn't be open to us living together if I lost my job, hurt to know he would not be there for me if that happened. Financial hardship would be the wrong reason to live together and shouldn't even be part of that decision. That's a step that you would want to take for all the right reasons - you were both ready, it made sense in light of both of your family situations, your divorces were final and you had some extended track record together so you could both share the same vision of the relationship's future. Were I your BF and someone I'd been dating for 7 months was putting this kind of inappropriate emotional and financial pressure on me, I'd have to think long and hard about even staying in the relationship. Give him some space - he has plenty on his plate with divorce and custody issues... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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