Getting out of the friend zone...the other way

[JohnR.]

Hey guys, first post here. Need a little advice. My situation is nothing new in the way of others stuck in the "Friend Zone". I'm not under any illusions about becoming more than what it is. Here is the situation. I've known this girl off & on since highschool, but for the past year or so I've become her "BFF" which just not what I'm looking for in a female. She calls every day, several times a day, sometimes 4 or more times. Wanting to go out, wanting me to come over & watch TV, etc. I don't even spend that much time with my guy friends. Only with previous girlfriends, so it's weird being asked to do things all the time with a friend. She shows no interest in me sexually so I show none in return. She is getting everything she wants out of her best friend, yet I'm bored of the situation & would like to stop talking to her.

 

So my question is this...how do I leave the situation altogether without coming off like an *******? Like I said, I'm not interested in getting with her anymore, I gave up on that a long time ago but I am very non-confrontational. I don't want to make her mad or whatnot. Any in-site?

[Diamonds&Rust]

So my question is this...how do I leave the situation altogether without coming off like an *******?

I think you should just let her know that you are an *******.

 

Explaining your misogynistic viewpoint towards women and their role in your life should end her unwanted efforts at being your friend.

 

It might end your chances at getting with her friends, but hey, there's always Rohypnol, right bro?

[norajane]

Tell her that you want to start dating and find a girlfriend, and spending so much time with her isn't giving you an opportunity to get out and meet other women. Tell her you won't be able to spend so much time with her. Ease back on the contact.

 

You don't have to cut off the relationship entirely. Friends who genuinely care about you are hard to come by. Maybe if you spend less time together and less time talking on the phone, you might actually enjoy her company when you do see her. You've gotten too close and too familiar.

[JohnR.]

I think you should just let her know that you are an *******.

 

Explaining your misogynistic viewpoint towards women and their role in your life should end her unwanted efforts at being your friend.

 

It might end your chances at getting with her friends, but hey, there's always Rohypnol, right bro?

 

Whoa, easy tiger. Not sure how my post came off as misogynistic but if that's the way you see it. Maybe the bored comment got you to come that hasty conclusion so I'll word it another way. Being in a position that you are not comfortable with can get tiring, can wear you down, or...get boring even, even in a friendship situation. I like her a lot. I really like her a lot, but I'm choosing NOT to be the guy on the side that hangs out with someone that he wants to date but is not good enough. I'd like to think I am better than that.

 

But hey, since you've got it all figured out, maybe you can lend me some of your Rohypnol.

[JohnR.]

Tell her that you want to start dating and find a girlfriend, and spending so much time with her isn't giving you an opportunity to get out and meet other women. Tell her you won't be able to spend so much time with her. Ease back on the contact.

 

You don't have to cut off the relationship entirely. Friends who genuinely care about you are hard to come by. Maybe if you spend less time together and less time talking on the phone, you might actually enjoy her company when you do see her. You've gotten too close and too familiar.

 

Point taken. Thing is that we don't spend very much time on the phone. She just calls often, mainly to ask me to go out or to hang. A good portion of the time I don't answer because I know she will ask to go out some place. I like going out, just not every day, even in a intimate relationship. She says I bail on her all the time and it's true because I like her very much and it sucks to know that it would never be a real date. It eats at you. She is a real catch to anyone who ends up with her but it's frustrating to know it wont be me.

[Diamonds&Rust]

Sorry if you feel I misjudged you. That said, a lot of misogynists don't realize that's what they're doing. The whole "friend-zone" philosophy is a juvenile way of looking at male-female interactions. Most quality relationships are not rooted in conquest, they're based on what you're seeking to avoid: appreciation for that person outside of a sexual context.

 

To say that you're not looking for a best friend in a female is not going to get you very far. What I guess you meant, and I'm sorry for jumping down your throat, is that you're incapable of being in a platonic relationship with someone you have feelings for, which is quite normal.

 

Just tell her how you feel. If she does flip out, you're unhappy with what's going on anyway, so simply telling her that it's emasculating to be treated as one of the girls should do the trick.

[JohnR.]

you're incapable of being in a platonic relationship with someone you have feelings for, which is quite normal.

 

You hit the nail on the head. That's what it comes down to. Your right, friends can offer so many great things worth having but when you want more than that, they are getting along fine but not the other way around.