Jamie31 Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 Well, I don't think people should get married if they aren't totally committed to spending the rest of their lives with that person. People take marriage way too lightly these days. I guess I just like the old-fashioned way of thinking. I'm just not a big fan of all these liberal views people have these days. (go ahead and call me closed-minded...I feel it coming on). It's just that I love the idea of growing old with someone. People just get married these days for all the wrong reasons. It's hardly ever because they are in love. Ugh, what's this world coming to? Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 It's hardly ever because they are in love. Jamie, in a completely non-defensive way, I just want to point out that being in love and having love is often times NOT ENOUGH to maintain a lifelong partnership with another person. I can't use my own situation as an example, per se, because I'm not sure how mental illness fits into the equation in terms of statistics and whatever. I can tell you that I surely did not plan to be a divorcee at the age of 25!!! In fact, I went into the marriage I had with the utmost belief that I could and would want to be with the man I married for the rest of my life. I, too, wanted to 'grow old with someone.' Many of my thoughts about marriage remain quite conservative. I really believe it is too easy in our society to get married/get divorced. But I do believe, just like with my other 'liberal' sorts of views (of which I will NOT go into here at all) that there are absolutely reasons for people TO get divorced. What if, for example, people had to go through some sort of 'program' in order to be married? I know the Catholic Church requires it of couples who want a church wedding, at least in these parts. Seriously, though, the notion that people get married purely because they're "in love" is not enough in my mind. Does that make sense to you? Link to post Share on other sites
Jamie31 Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 It makes perfect sense to me, 2sides, I completely understand what you are saying. And of course there are reasons to get divorced...like adultery, abuse, etc...and in those cases, divorce is really the only solution and that's ok. But like you said, marriage and divorce is too easy to do in this wonderful 'ole USA. I think the idea of having couples go through pre-marital counseling before giving them a marriage license is a wonderful idea. I think it should be a LAW!!! But yes, 2 sides, it made perfect sense. I don't know your story, but mental illness could be a understandable cause of divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 I personally think that when a lot of people get married nowadays, they forget to ask the most important question, which is “Are we compatible?” Love is grand, but you can fall in love with someone who you could never live with for the rest of your life. People get attached to the idea of being “in love” and think that’s enough, and it’s not. It’s one thing if the person you marry becomes an alcoholic, drug addict, mentally ill, etc…or other possibly unforeseeable events. But I don’t understand people who marry someone, knowing their character, knowing “how they are,” and then proceed to bitch and complain about that person’s undesirable characteristics throughout the course of the marriage until it eventually leads to divorce. You absolutely must be compatible, in terms of life goals, wanting/not wanting kids, religion, where you want to live, what kind of life you want to have, finances, etc. Maybe this sounds completely cold hearted and unromantic, but really, why do people end up getting married? Because they are “in love”? Because they are lonely and take the first halfway decent person who crosses their path? Because they want to have children and family? There are so many reasons for getting married, and the whole “love” thing clouds judgment. (Of course love is important…don’t get me wrong…but I don’t believe it’s everything.) I think marriages can last—if you find a person you are compatible with. I just don’t think enough people these days consider the compatibility factor. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 I agree with every word you wrote above. Unfortunately, love and passion is nature's way of ensuring procreating of the species. Nature (or instinct) doesn't much care if the mama and daddy get together, nature just wants people to inhabit the earth. If more people considered the really important things necessary for remaining together for a lifetime there would be a lot less marriages. So many people don't think critically about the compatibility factor. Great post!!! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 25, 2003 Share Posted September 25, 2003 I don't understand people who marry someone, knowing their character, knowing “how they are,” and then proceed to bitch and complain about that person’s undesirable characteristics throughout the course of the marriage until it eventually leads to divorce. It's like people who move into the neighbourhood that holds a week-long fair every year and then complain about the noise of the fair. You need to know the neighbourhood, understand it's unlikely to change once you're in it, and make your decision to stay on more than just the fact that the surroundings are attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
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