More friends of the opposite sex

[Al]

How many of you out there have more friends of the opposite sex than you do friends of the same sex? I have many more guy friends than I do girl friends and I think my boyfriend sometimes feels threatened by my close relationships with these guys whom I've known for years. Most of these guys I've never dated or would even consider dating but I've actually heard my boyfriend make the comment that me having all these guy friends is "Like having a penis in a glass jar...break glass in case of an emergency." Is anyone else in the same boat? Why do you think you have more friends of the opposite sex?

[Heidi2]

Yeah, I have more friends of thee opposite sex.. Perhaps, it's because if you can believe this.. many of my girl friends are sort of immature.. and have yet to face the real/grown-up world, yet.. Most insist on living in a: she did that, but he did that.. And, yeah that's fine & good, but GROW up already.. and look to things/people that REALLY matter!!!!!

[quankanne]

GREAT avatar, Heidi!

 

I don't think it's so unusual for someone to have friends of the opposite sex, or that they outnumber his/her friends of the same sex. Some people just communicate better with the opposite sex, they don't necessarily see them as "backup significant others." I know I don't -- my guy friends are pretty much the brothers I didn't have growing up, and my husband understands this. Of course, I made it very clear that so-and-so were very dear to me because they were family, and in no way, shape or how would I pursue a sexual relationship with them because I saw them as family.

 

I know I've had girlfriends tell me that they prefer being "one of the guys" because their male buddies just made more sense than their female friends did. Something about having more in common with them about how they perceived things -- less emotional or something like that.

[Heidi2]

Hey quankanne!

 

Thanks for noticing my new look of an avator.. I guess you could say that I get bored quite easily with looking at the same thing over and over again.. and whenever for example, I see a new avator to upload, I do so..

[Leikela]

I definitely have more guy friends then I do girlfriends. Amazingly, my boyfriend doesn't have a problem with it at all. He is confident enough in our relationship to know that I would never pursue anything with any of my guy friends. He knows where we all stand.

 

I think I have more guy friends then girl friends because I just have more in common with guys. I was sort of a tomboy when I was a little girl and always got down and dirty with the neighborhood boys playing baseball or any other kind of sport. I am not concerned about the latest fashion or the latest gossip about so and so. I don't get in a stitch if I break a nail and guts and gore don't bother me.

 

I am not your typical "girl" with all those girly girl ways. I hang much better with the opposite sex. I feel more like myself and don't feel like I have to put up barriers. Men are simple and don't make things so complicated like women do. I don't have any time for that kind of nonsense in my life. Of course, the girls that are my close friends are more like me, so I am not saying all women are like that but a lot are.

[BIG RED MACHINE]

Hi there, I recentley broke up with my gf due to her other male friends, so I know how your bf feels, although my situation may be diff, let me tell you a short version of it. Basically my X gf wanted to still be able to hang out with her X bf and I believe X bf's are X's for a reason, but here is the real story. I work nights, well when I am at work at night my gf wanted to go spend the night at another single males house and watch movies and have drinks with him. Don't get me wrong I dont think there is anything wrong with having friends of the opposite sex, but when you are in a relationship with someone the kind of time you spend with other single males is a big deal. When you mix male and female, testosterone and estrogen in a room where they are alone together having drinks sitting on the same couch together watching movies puts you in a bad situation. The kicker of it is that every time I asked to meet this other male friend of hers she would change the subject, I asked her on several occasions to meet him but it simply never happened. She says male friends are no diff than female friends, so I asked her, do you get undressed around him like your female friends? she said no, I said well its diff then.

 

I don't care what anyone says, spending alone time like this is wrong when you have a significant other. Everyone is so into calling everything controlling, she called me controlling cuz I didnt feel good about her spending this kind of time with a guy I dont even know, let alone a guy she would never let me meet, she told me I needed to see a counselor so I took it upon myself to post it on a relationship website kinda like this one, I also had her post her side of the story, There was 58 responses and 53 out of 58 agreed with me, and half of them where women also that posted a reply so its not a male thing if that is what you are thinking. Having friends of the opposite sex is ok but you have to be cautious on the kind of time you spend with them, that can cause problems. I loved my gf, but all of this raised a red flag in my eye. She also talked about marriage, how could I even think about marrying someone who wanted to be alone with another single male and never include me, it's just not right.

[Wolf Windshadow]

I am a guy with mostly (like 90%) female friends... yes people question it, saying I am <explisitive deleted>ing all of them, but forget them... Friends is all they are to me, even if a few of them are Ex-Girlfriends... hell those are the ones that get along with my wife, which only means trouble for me (hehehehehe)...

 

point being, men and women can be friends without getting the sex organs involved in their day to day interactions...

[tokyo]

My really good friends are women, but I probably have more guys as friends, it´s just easier with them usually. I talk about emotional things with my girlfriends, but it´s more laidback with the guys and also my girlfriends don´t live close, they´re are all somewhere. With guys I often feel more able to make sarcastic remarks and be blunt, not always, but in general. Talks can get controversial, I can say:"What you say is crap." This is something that I wouldn´t really tell my girlfriends I don´t have to hold back what I think and they seem to be more interested in the same things as I do.

 

But to be honest, sooner or later I see one of them trying to make a pass at me and it sort of irritates me. Maybe I should feel flattered, but actually it troubles me usually and very likely I see them disappear after that, gone with the wind..... I think to maintain a balance is difficult, but for men it seems to be harder than for women when they´re single.

 

--

Big Red Machine,

 

if I had a jealous boyfriend who would make my friend uncomfortable by assuming all the time that he was interested in me I would also not take you with me. I often don´t mix friends, because they just seem not to be able to get along, neither boys nor girls.

 

People sometimes need a little bit of their own space and if the situation was reverse and my boyfriend told me there´s nothing going on and he is not interested in her at all and only loves me, then I would try to control my jealousy and let him go. I have total trust in myself, but I would still feel a tickle of jealousy if he did the same, but I think if I want to have the right to do it, so does he. The situation is pretty hypothetical, but anyway I tell you there´s nothing going on from my side when I sit with them together.

[PUHLEEEZE.....]

BIG RED MACHINE: I'm with you 100%... What precious time we all have should be spent with the person who is #1 in our lives. I think it really tells you something about a person if they would rather be with their "friends" instead of their supposed soulmate. My husband and I make it a point not to do ANYTHING alone with anyone of the opposite sex - it's just not a good idea. Keep the faith -- there is a girl out there just waiting for a guy who wants to make her his EVERYTHING!!!

[tokyo]

Well, my soulmate is not my Siamese twin.... That attitude is not very healthy.

[honey2005]

I have very few friends of the opposite sex. A few years ago I had a couple guy friends, but now my only close guy friend is my best friend's fiance and he's not really a "friend", I just hang out with him alot because he's with her. I have aquaintances which are guys, but I wouldn't call them friends. I just feel more comfortable around girls (and my boyfriend).

[chubachoop]

Big red machine

 

I dont blame you for getting jealous/suspicioius. I have male friends and I think its ok for girls to have male friends but why keep them hidden?? If I had a boyfriend and he wanted to meet my friends male or female, hed meet them. I also dont get this whole "hanging out at home with guy friends". I meet my guy friends at the pub for beers. If I had a boyfriend I would not go to my male friends house and hang out there. Like I say I agree with u fully. This ex of yours sounds like a P**** tease!

[ShopingBarbie1984]

[color=blue]You should have friends no matter if they are the opposite sex I had friends that were girls but, like someone else said my friends are also immature that is pretty much why we stopped talking... Anyways I have a few guy friends I see every once in a while but, not everyday I had friends in high school that were guy's. Because my cousin he and I are 8 months apart. And cause of this reason I got called a s l u t because, I was friends with lots of "guy's" no I am clean I am 20 and still a v i r g i n. My counslor told me that the reason this certain guy called me that was because, he was trying to get my attention and when I wasn't responding he was making it worse. So my cousin ended up getting in a fight with him and, this other guy that was his friend called me a b i t c h and my cousin threatened to beat him up for calling me that... But in the end it was worth it being friends with guy's because, the friends I did had that were girls they were[/color][color=red] cruel to me I realize how much pain I would have been if I was friends with lots of girls in high school and if the girls in high school could have done the same thing my friends have done to me. But your boyfriend shouldn't be jealous and he shouldn't tell you who you can and can't hang out with. That is also why my girl friends and I aren't talking because, they were telling me who I can and can't hang out with. Your boyfriend does sound jealous so if I were you I would have one of those boyfriend girlfriend talks telling him you have no feelings for your guy friends and that they aren't there because, of a penis in a jar break whatever your boyfriend said... In a relationship you are supposed to trust each other and, if he can't trust you then if it were me I would either work it out so he would be abel to trust me. Or I would break up with him if he still can't trust me... But I would seriously have a talk with your boyfriend though meaning just you and him. Girls were also jealous of me in high school because, I had so many guy friends and I couldn't help it if they were friends with my cousin... [/color]

[BIG RED MACHINE]

I don't know where to begin here, first off, males and females think very differently. Today in this world, things have changed from what they were like 30 years ago, seems there are no more moral character in many people in this world, that is why there are so many divorces. I will be honest with you, I work in a prison as a correctional officer II. I work with and talk with counselors all the time and I have never come across counselors that would approve of such a thing as hanging out with the opposite sex at there house having drinks and spending the night when they have a significant other. I think people are to independant now days. They say im not going to have anyone tell me who I can and cannot hang out with. Well sorry to break it to you but when you are in a relationship things have to change, if not you are setting yourself up for failure. Now days with generation X seems failure is a pretty common thing, everyone is to independant. They seem to have the thinking that if it dont work out I will just get a divorce, divorce isnt the solution to everything, especially when you have children envolved. You are all thinking that I am probablly nuts, I dont know what your situation is but in mine this is absolutely WRONG no matter how you look at it, your situation may differ from mine. I never told my gf who she can and cannot hang out with, she has many friends but this one guy friend raises a big red flag, no questions asked. I think some people need to stop and smell the roses and decide what they want out of life, a bunch of guy friends or a healthy relationship. There is nothing wrong with having guy friends but you need to know your boundaries. Seems some of you in here disagree with me, but I am willing to bet if you were in my shoes you wouldn't be to happy either. You can't have the best of both worlds, choose your own fate its up to you.

 

This a something I found on the internet and I know exactlywhat this guy is talking about, take a look, females may not agree with this, but sorry to say its true for alot of guys. You will also tell yourselves, my guy friends arent like that, WRONG think again, like I said men and women think very differently. I have alot more to say but I have to get going, maybe I will be back again.

 

 

Posted Aug. 14, 2002 -- Friends; how many of us have them? Most of you, I'm sure. But what about those male

"friends"? Those suave cats who seem to know just what to say at the right time. The one your man gets teed-

off at because he seems to be poppin' up -- a lot! It's fine to have a friend, but believe me, there is always

(and I mean always) a motive behind the male friend's actions. If you want to remain friends with him, here's

are a few rules that you ought to take heed of at the first sign that your friendship is taking a toll on your relationship.

 

Don't sharkfeed

 

Men are like sharks surrounding your boat and waiting for it to sink. As soon as your man drops the ball on his

relationship responsibilities, "the friend," who is waiting on the sidelines, is warming up to be the game saver.

See, the less your man does for you, the more the "friend" is ready to be the shoulder for you to cry on. At the

first shedding of a tear, the friend hits the rear and is in there. So watch it.

 

Know your limits

 

Whether your friendship goes beyond that is ultimately up to you. While 90% of men have intentions to lay the smack

down, it will only go down if you allow him to psychologically chisel through you piece by piece. Don't allow your

friendship to get misconstrued or lose sight of the fact that he may be hiding his true intentions for more.

 

Cut the convo

 

Suggestive conversation will lead to suggestive behavior. In his eyes, a little T.M.I. (Too Much Info) can lead to

a little T & A, so you might wanna think carefully about what you're about to say before entering into conversations

on provocative subjects, such as sex. Just because he's great at listening, does not mean you should discuss everything

with your "friend." Keep it clean.

 

Don't call me: I'll call you

 

Speaking of life, does your friend have one? One that doesn't revolve around you? If so, then he should lead it. Unless

he is calling about his house being on fire, there's no reason for you to take calls from him while you are spending time

with your mate. Don't blame us for getting iggy if your "friend" calls during the most awkward times. He shouldn't be calling

you 24/7 anyway. Set some boundaries.

 

When you least expect it, expect it

 

Becoming too accustomed to your male friend can also lead to you getting attached and even attracted to this guy who never seems

to get on your nerves, always says the right things, usually does the right thing. Watch for the signs.

[tokyo]

My friendships with guys are clearly defined. There might be some women who see their male friends as potential mates, I don´t, but I´m also pretty picky about that. If someone feels the need to tell his girlfriend that she shouldn´t do inappropiate things with her male friends, than he either is too jealous and should talk with her or he should change his girlfriend, because her behavior might indeed be doubtful and lacking respect.

[Hypatia]

There was a time when I had mostly female friends, then there was a time when I had mostly male friends. They can all suck equally, so now I keep everyone at arm's length. But I still have girlfriends and guy friends who I tell everything to. Strangely enough, I've never been in a long-term or serious relationship. Just friendships.

[pretty_petal]

I have equal amounts of friends in both sexes however i am definately closer to my male friends cos like some one else said 'its just easier to be around them'. My female friends like talking about boys and parties and make up etc etc but i much prefer the conversation held by my male group of friends, thats why i spend more time with them. Also i find it easier to open up to the guys cos they don't judge me the way the girls do.

 

I also have a bf and he has expressed that he is worried i might run off with one of my closest male friends. But i never spend time alone with this friend, i've never been to his house and we don't have a 'history'. It is purely platonic.

 

So yes - replying to the original post - i do have better male friends and my bf feels the same as urs.

 

petal x

[evergreatful]

Big Red. I was in the exact same situation. Your last post made some very good points. Especially the "Shark Bait" comment. I was with my ex for 2.5 years. She always had male friends. It was no prob I have just as many female friends. But, recently she met one and pulled the exact same thing. I am in still in school but help my father with his business and travel a lot when I am not at University. Everytime I went away she went to his house for drinks and would spend the night. I told her he just wanted her sexually. She didn't want to believe it and was not sympathetic to my feelings. Also would ALWAYS change the subject when I would say I would like to meet him. I was nice I would say hey have him come meet us at the bar or something like that. I had to leave other factors too but this was a big one. Found out later there was foul play. Ah well, anyway just wanted to say I understand.

 

For everyone else. Friends of the opposite sex is great. It is healthy. Just when it gets to a certain point it is no longer cool (ie, sleepovers and drinks when you have a serious partner.)

[arnicka]

I had more guy friends in high school/early college -- maybe it was hormones, maybe it was cos I was tired of the prissy girls crawling the campus I dunno Not that I'm a bit older they have pretty much evened out....maybe the girls became less superficial and the guys began to think w/their other head?

[swedeace]

I'm opposite... I seem to have had nothing but female friends when I was younger and even now in my 20s. However, I recently made my very first male friend over the summer. I work at a college computer lab where he takes classes in. It was a coincidence and he proposed friendship to me. I was elated and looked forward to see what the benefits of having male friends would bring!! We talked and saw each other a lot at my job while he took computer classes.

 

This semester is different. I hardly see him because of our differing schedules and because he's not taking computer classes.

 

Now, I have tried offering to hang out or just talk but he is always, always busy with work and school. After so much chasing around (this is NON-romantic, as he is gay!), I have been told by friends to just take a load and wait to hear/see from him. In other words, I would have to just wait for him to throw back the ball I already left into his court.

 

My guess is he is just being quite oblivious to my friendship by not putting any time or effort into his proposed friendship offer.... Is he just being a guy?

[Naive]

Originally posted by Al

How many of you out there have more friends of the opposite sex than you do friends of the same sex?

 

I have tons of male friends and my best-friend is a guy. For some reason after jr. high I stopped having girls as friends. They back stab too much!

[swedeace]

Ah, I forgot to mention something about my post above....

 

Well, even with this first male friend of mine, it's proving to be harder to hang out with or keep in contact with from my other female friends. I thought it was supposed to be easier from what everyone has been telling me?

[templelis]

This is a serious topic. My boyfriend and I are going through the same problems with my male friends. He feels like he comes second to them, and a whole bunch of other stuff. I try to tell him, I dont believe in cheating, me and some of my male friends have been friends for years and friends before he and I met. All my male friends walk away when he is around or they ask what did I do for him not to like me and I would ask, how do you know he does not like you and they will say I just get that vibe. He tells me he is gets very jealous sometimes and he is worried because his girlfriends in the past told him they were just friends with their male friends but they ended up cheating on him. I tell him Im different and he says he heard that before. But time in and time out I have proved myself right. [size=0][font=times new roman][/font][color=darkblue][/color]

[BIG RED MACHINE]

Hey all I am back, thank you Evergreatful for understanding what I am going through, I am sorry you had to go through the same thing I did it sure isnt fun. For about 2 months I have been dating another girl. I talked with her about my experiences and she talked with me about hers in past relationships, and so forth. I think I might be jumping the gun on this one, but its kinda the same story as the last one in a way. I don't know how to explain this but I will try. My current gf lives like 5 minutes from my house and in the past 7 days I have only seen her twice and that was for like only a couple hrs cuz of her college classes and me working. But it seems like she always finds time to spend the whole day with another guy friend and I am getting frustrated, although she seems to be very honest about what and who she is with all the time. Tonight she left town and traveled 120 miles to see a guy she said she dont see to often, cuz he had a church concert going on, well I was cool with that cuz I would want to see a friend of mine to if I dont see them that often but I feel I am being put on the back burner. She left town at about 2:00 pm and didnt get back till 1:30 am, and she said a girlfriend of hers was going with her, well she calls about half way home and I asked her if her friend is keeping her awake and turns out no friend was with her. I am on days off now and I wanted to spend some quality time with her but she spent it with another male. This is not the first time something like this has happened, but I think you understand what I am saying I hope. She says she likes me so so much and wants to be with me, but she didn't even ask me to go with her to this church concert, I kinda feel left out here I guess. another example, my schedule is kinda messed up but she knows my days off and the other night, one of the 2 nights i did get to see her, she says to me she was thinking about going to a movie with mike, but she had already seen that movie. What the heck is this all about, both of us are off and she tells me she was gonna go to a movie with another guy??? I am very confused with this one and like I said getting frustrated a tad. I think the whole problem now days is everyone has been taught that it is good to have friends of the opposite sex, and it is good to have friends of the opposite sex but like evergreatful said, some things just arent cool. I havent talked with her about it yet, which I intend to do but I hope its not as bad as the impression I am getting. Oh one more thing, I went to a college dance with her the other night and her ex boyfriend is still hanging all over her, he always comes up and puts his arms around her and crap, she says they are only friends but I am NOT cool with that, especially how when I here from other people that he wants us to break up so he can get back together with her. Hope this made sense, I left out alot of details but I dont have enough time to write it all out, take care all and GOD BLESS ALL OF YOU.

[CurlyIam]

I like having girl friends. Most of my male friends (here in PAris) are soo air headed and I trully care for them a lot. But as we don't know eachother very well, I keep them at a distance. It really depends a lot on individuals, on how much I trust them and on how much they like me.

 

Numbers are somewhat irrelevant. I mean your bf could be very jealous on the only male friend one has!