lonely_heart Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 hello, my husband and i got married 10 years ago. we both were married before and we both have children from our previous marriages.my husbands kids caused a lot of problems in our lives so he decided to send to his mothers house.i begged him not to send them because he would blame me later on.he would not listen. but of course he always blamed me for that. 2 years ago, i asked him to leave.i could not cope any more his mood swings and he was not a good provider.he is a gambler.he was gambling all his money withouth thinking and that made us very poor. he was out of job for 2 years.it was harder. after i pushed him and really supported him so much he found a very good job and he was earing good money but still there was no money. and he could not justify himself where the money went. 2 years ago.he left but he rented a place only 50 mt away from me. how matter we fought on and off he always told me he loved me.and we always went out. 4 months ago his son came to visit him and he decided to stay with my husband.they have not seen each other for 8 years. i gave them a space and told my husband he should spend some time with him.he has not been with him for 8 years. my husband kids do not want anyone .they want their father to themselves. my kids accepted my husband they never caused problems. my husband only sees that i did not want them. he does not see his children do not want me either:(( we started a marriage teraphy we were planning to go.in the second session the terapist judged me.it was not fair because he did not know me.also they are not there to judge you. i was furious so i sent a message to my husband and told him that i did not want any contact and i was not going to the teraphy anymore. silly of me:(( i really regret for that.. after i wrote that to my husband he called me and told me that it was over and the first time in our maariage he took his ring off and put it on the coffee table on his lounch. and took our picture and put them away too. we did not see each other for a while.yet, because we live so close we see each others cars and what we are up to. i stopped going to his place for 4 weeks.my husband started changing. he started going out with his son and spending more time with him. or when i am with them he is not interested in me.he only shows interest to his son. he is putting a distance between me and him. now, he tells me he does not know anymore he loves me or not but he cares about me. he says he has a financial mess and he has to find a job and clear this mess. when i look at my relationship with thim the last 10 years.he never gave me any financial security. he always had mood swings. but I love my husband and i see my mistakes. i actually told him i was sincerely sorry for them. he says he can not get over all the hurts. please help me. i reallly need advice. i would like to make it work. how should i approach to my husband. he tells me many ppl give him anxiety but not like me. he says he experiences anxiety when i am next to him. (( makes me so sad. pls pls help me. Link to post Share on other sites
Geishawhelk Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 Unless you are both 100% committed to making this work, and attend counselling (change counsellors!) then you're going to have to accept it's over. You also desperately need to change your living conditions. You need to put some distance between you. By the way: his children should always come first, and be put first, just as yours should also do for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonely_heart Posted December 16, 2008 Author Share Posted December 16, 2008 i am really suffering:(( i am not sure my husband will want to try another counsellor at the moment. he says he has major depression.i know he has.he is under teraphy.and he in on medication. he also says he is trying to put his thoughts together. he doesnot want to make any decision for our marriage at the moment.he is not sure about anything. i really do not know how to help him.because he refuses my help. i wonder is my husband going throu mid life crissis. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonely_heart Posted December 16, 2008 Author Share Posted December 16, 2008 gevishawhelk thank you so much for your reply.i deeply appriciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonely_heart Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 i really need some feedback.pls help. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 You asked your husband to leave 2 years ago and with good reason. Sometimes people separate to decide whether they want to get back together or not. But you seperated for two years. Thats not a trial, thats the end of a marriage. You were dating each other during this time, and you enjoyed that . You didnt want him back until his son came back into his life. Now he hasnt seen this son for 8 years because you were all unable to live together when you were married. For some reason, it appears that he has twice now been forced to choose between you and his children. The first time, he chose you and sent the children away. This time, since you have been separated for 2 years he has chosen the children. With the gambling, and lack of income, he is not a good provider for anyone, why do you want him back now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonely_heart Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 thank you 2sure. yes, he has never been a good provider to anyone. His son started working and he gambles as well. my husband should never go gambling with his son but he does. he takes money from his son. he also gave up his career. he is never in his mood. maybe , i have diffuculties accept my marriage is over:( Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonely_heart Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 I have been going to a teraphy.It showed that I have been in an abusive relationship. I did not even understand:( Noone ever woke me up and told me he was an abusive man! It was not the case of he chose his kids.It was his decision.he sent them away. He has to admit that he could not cope with them. He still can not live with his son.and he still does not want his daughter next to him. Yet, he kept telling me I was the reason he could not see his kids. He is an adult.He made the choice. But he put the blame on me.so, he would feel better about himself. I can not beleive, I was trying to fix my marriage.What is there to fix anyway! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lonely_heart Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 I am glad that I do not go to counselling with him any more. Abuser man always use it against you. Link to post Share on other sites
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