2 year crush

[Melissa]

My name is Melissa and I am a 27 (almost 28) year old single mom with 2 kids. Exactly 2 years ago I met Chris. the first time I laid my eyes on him I fell for him. I was already involved with someone who was there when my husband and I split up. I kept my feelings inside for Chris for about 2 months. One of the problems at the time is he was only 19 at the time. I was 25 going on 26. The age thing never really bothered me too much because I like guys a few years younger than me. He started working with my ex husband who by the way is still one of my best friends. His name is Bryan. Bryan told Chris that I thought he was cute and I wanted to get with him knowing I was involved with somebodyelse. Chris and I became very close friends. We sit and talk for hours at a time without anything else happening. then one night a bunch of us went out to the bars and we had a fabulous time. We all wound up going back to Chris' house to go for a midnight swim. He and I got very close that night and I cheated on my boyfriend. About a month and a half later my boyfriend and I broke up. I don't think it was because of Chris because my boyfriend knew nothing about it. We broke up for other reasons. But it wasn't a devastating break up because this meant I could be with Chris whenever I wanted to without feeling guilty. I was finally single again after my divorce. To make a long story short, Chris and I have remained friends these last 2 years. We still get together every once in a while to sit for hours and talk and get physical. The things we talk about are future goals, what we want out of a relationship. The truth is I want Chris in my life all the time. He's cute, funny and has a very good self esteem. I on the other hand am very insecure. I am not fat but I have had 2 kids and still have not lost my "baby fat" I really like Chris and he knows I would drop everything in my life to be with him but I don't think he knows how deeply my feelings are for him. I want to tell him this weekend. It is his 21st birthday and we are all going out to celebrate. neither one of us are in a long term relationship right now and when we talk we want the same things in life. But there has got to be a reason why we haven't gotten together on a permanent basis. I know he cares about me and I don't let anything happen between us that I am not able to handle emotionally. We don't even kiss when we have sex because we both feel it is too emotional. I just don't know what to do. Should I tell him how I really feel and risk our friendship or just keep these feelings inside for another upteen amount of years.

 

Any advice at all would be appreciated.

[Nicky]

My name is Melissa and I am a 27 (almost 28) year old single mom with 2 kids. Exactly 2 years ago I met Chris. the first time I laid my eyes on him I fell for him. I was already involved with someone who was there when my husband and I split up. I kept my feelings inside for Chris for about 2 months. One of the problems at the time is he was only 19 at the time. I was 25 going on 26. The age thing never really bothered me too much because I like guys a few years younger than me. He started working with my ex husband who by the way is still one of my best friends. His name is Bryan. Bryan told Chris that I thought he was cute and I wanted to get with him knowing I was involved with somebodyelse. Chris and I became very close friends. We sit and talk for hours at a time without anything else happening. then one night a bunch of us went out to the bars and we had a fabulous time. We all wound up going back to Chris' house to go for a midnight swim. He and I got very close that night and I cheated on my boyfriend. About a month and a half later my boyfriend and I broke up. I don't think it was because of Chris because my boyfriend knew nothing about it. We broke up for other reasons. But it wasn't a devastating break up because this meant I could be with Chris whenever I wanted to without feeling guilty. I was finally single again after my divorce. To make a long story short, Chris and I have remained friends these last 2 years. We still get together every once in a while to sit for hours and talk and get physical. The things we talk about are future goals, what we want out of a relationship. The truth is I want Chris in my life all the time. He's cute, funny and has a very good self esteem. I on the other hand am very insecure. I am not fat but I have had 2 kids and still have not lost my "baby fat" I really like Chris and he knows I would drop everything in my life to be with him but I don't think he knows how deeply my feelings are for him. I want to tell him this weekend. It is his 21st birthday and we are all going out to celebrate. neither one of us are in a long term relationship right now and when we talk we want the same things in life. But there has got to be a reason why we haven't gotten together on a permanent basis. I know he cares about me and I don't let anything happen between us that I am not able to handle emotionally. We don't even kiss when we have sex because we both feel it is too emotional. I just don't know what to do. Should I tell him how I really feel and risk our friendship or just keep these feelings inside for another upteen amount of years. Any advice at all would be appreciated.

Hi,

 

It sounds as though he does care very deeply about you. However, he cannot ignore practical issues.

 

One of the major reasons relationships don't work out is timing.

 

Were Chris 35 years old, more settled, seen life a bit, then it sounds as though you would have the major ingredients for a good relationship.

 

But the point is he's 21. When I was 21, I wanted to see the world, be independent, be young and carefree. Hooking up with somebody whose life was at a very different stage, who was settled and hastwo kids, would simply have been ignoring reality and just wouldn't have worked out. We would have had fundamentally different needs.

 

At his age, guys tend to want to just have fun & mess around. That's the way they are, and generally do not want to be in a committed relationship with a woman with two kids, and all the responsibility that goes with that. At his age, that responsibility would just make me walk in the other direction, no matter how well I did click with somebody.

 

So I'm sorry, I expect it's not what you want to hear, but that's my take.

 

All the best

[J]

My name is Melissa and I am a 27 (almost 28) year old single mom with 2 kids. Exactly 2 years ago I met Chris. the first time I laid my eyes on him I fell for him. I was already involved with someone who was there when my husband and I split up. I kept my feelings inside for Chris for about 2 months. One of the problems at the time is he was only 19 at the time. I was 25 going on 26. The age thing never really bothered me too much because I like guys a few years younger than me. He started working with my ex husband who by the way is still one of my best friends. His name is Bryan. Bryan told Chris that I thought he was cute and I wanted to get with him knowing I was involved with somebodyelse. Chris and I became very close friends. We sit and talk for hours at a time without anything else happening. then one night a bunch of us went out to the bars and we had a fabulous time. We all wound up going back to Chris' house to go for a midnight swim. He and I got very close that night and I cheated on my boyfriend. About a month and a half later my boyfriend and I broke up. I don't think it was because of Chris because my boyfriend knew nothing about it. We broke up for other reasons. But it wasn't a devastating break up because this meant I could be with Chris whenever I wanted to without feeling guilty. I was finally single again after my divorce. To make a long story short, Chris and I have remained friends these last 2 years. We still get together every once in a while to sit for hours and talk and get physical. The things we talk about are future goals, what we want out of a relationship. The truth is I want Chris in my life all the time. He's cute, funny and has a very good self esteem. I on the other hand am very insecure. I am not fat but I have had 2 kids and still have not lost my "baby fat" I really like Chris and he knows I would drop everything in my life to be with him but I don't think he knows how deeply my feelings are for him. I want to tell him this weekend. It is his 21st birthday and we are all going out to celebrate. neither one of us are in a long term relationship right now and when we talk we want the same things in life. But there has got to be a reason why we haven't gotten together on a permanent basis. I know he cares about me and I don't let anything happen between us that I am not able to handle emotionally. We don't even kiss when we have sex because we both feel it is too emotional. I just don't know what to do. Should I tell him how I really feel and risk our friendship or just keep these feelings inside for another upteen amount of years. Any advice at all would be appreciated.

I want to first off say when I read your post, I saw quite a similiarity in your life and mine. I myself am 27, divorced with two kids also. I tended to date younger guys also and was intimate with them as you are with Chris. But in time, I learned, as Nicky said, they are young and independent and aren't ready for what would be involved with a woman with children. I have since spoken to some of the younger guys I dated and learned from them that they really enjoyed being with me and would've considered a relationship with me but the responsibility was too much at the time. It doesn't mean he doesn't care but it is very obvious that he is not ready for a committed relationship. I recommend not to be intimate with him anymore, especially since your feelings are more than that of just a friend. You have got to know that sex without strings is great for a guy, even the good ones.

 

In the long run, you are better off to let this stay a friendship. I truly believe if it was to be something more, you would have known it a long time ago. It has taken me a year to recuperate from a relationship like yours and Chris. Be good to yourself and expect nothing less that what is best for you and your kids. And that means being emotionally filled completely.

 

Take care.

[Melissa]

I believe that what you are telling me is good advice. There is only one problem. I have done this before. For about 8 months Chris and I didn't see each other, we only talked a few times. I am already prepared to handle rejection from him. He already hurt me 2 years ago when he said he didn't want a relationship. But he's now 21 and he's got a career together, he wants a woman who will take care of him. He said he is tired of being alone. I also, have career and I want to take care of someone also. He said that the girls who want him, he think they are sluts and the girls he wants already have boyfriends. I don't think I fit in either one those categories. I can't understand why he hasn't found somone to make him happy. He is really nice looking and would go out of his way to make some one happy if they only gave him a chance. I guess I am trying to be more like a mother than a girlfriend. I just want him to be happy and if I can't be that person I want someone else to do it. I am tired of seeing him miserable. For the last year I have made Chris believe that to me he is only a friend and the times we have together are great and I don't want to do anything to ruin what we do have. Being intimate with him is not a problem for me. I am 27 not 16. I know that it is only sex. What I can't get through to his head that there is so much more to a relationship than sex. Sex with him is not the greatest in the world. In face, it may be the worse but I know it could be better if he would only let me show him what to do. He did ask me last night if I wanted to go out with him Friday night. Just me and him because saturday night he will be out with his other friends. He said he and I have never really been on a date and he wants to see if we can have a good time on a date. I told him ok. I am not doing anything that night so why not? I decided though that I am not going to let him know how I feel. Because the way I feel for him right now could go away if and when I found somebody I like just as much. This has also happended before. I will just go out with him and see what happens from there.

Hi, It sounds as though he does care very deeply about you. However, he cannot ignore practical issues. One of the major reasons relationships don't work out is timing. Were Chris 35 years old, more settled, seen life a bit, then it sounds as though you would have the major ingredients for a good relationship.

 

But the point is he's 21. When I was 21, I wanted to see the world, be independent, be young and carefree. Hooking up with somebody whose life was at a very different stage, who was settled and hastwo kids, would simply have been ignoring reality and just wouldn't have worked out. We would have had fundamentally different needs.

 

At his age, guys tend to want to just have fun & mess around. That's the way they are, and generally do not want to be in a committed relationship with a woman with two kids, and all the responsibility that goes with that. At his age, that responsibility would just make me walk in the other direction, no matter how well I did click with somebody. So I'm sorry, I expect it's not what you want to hear, but that's my take. All the best

[Nicky]

I believe that what you are telling me is good advice. There is only one problem. I have done this before. For about 8 months Chris and I didn't see each other, we only talked a few times. I am already prepared to handle rejection from him. He already hurt me 2 years ago when he said he didn't want a relationship. But he's now 21 and he's got a career together, he wants a woman who will take care of him. He said he is tired of being alone. I also, have career and I want to take care of someone also. He said that the girls who want him, he think they are sluts and the girls he wants already have boyfriends. I don't think I fit in either one those categories. I can't understand why he hasn't found somone to make him happy. He is really nice looking and would go out of his way to make some one happy if they only gave him a chance. I guess I am trying to be more like a mother than a girlfriend. I just want him to be happy and if I can't be that person I want someone else to do it. I am tired of seeing him miserable. For the last year I have made Chris believe that to me he is only a friend and the times we have together are great and I don't want to do anything to ruin what we do have. Being intimate with him is not a problem for me. I am 27 not 16. I know that it is only sex. What I can't get through to his head that there is so much more to a relationship than sex. Sex with him is not the greatest in the world. In face, it may be the worse but I know it could be better if he would only let me show him what to do. He did ask me last night if I wanted to go out with him Friday night. Just me and him because saturday night he will be out with his other friends. He said he and I have never really been on a date and he wants to see if we can have a good time on a date. I told him ok. I am not doing anything that night so why not? I decided though that I am not going to let him know how I feel. Because the way I feel for him right now could go away if and when I found somebody I like just as much. This has also happended before. I will just go out with him and see what happens from there.

He may want a girlfriend, but it doesn't sound as though you are at the same stage emotionally.

 

And he's only 21, he may be wonderful, but so he hasn't found anyone yet. That's not unusual.

 

I sometimes went for a very long time without BF's, and I'm no freak!

[Melissa]

Chris and I went out tonight instead of Friday night. We went to an adult book store and bought a few toys. Then we came back to my houe to try them out. We had so much fun. I haven't had that much fun in a while. I think I am jjust going to enjoy what I have with him now. Who knows, maybe one day it will happen between us but I am not going to force the issue with him anymore. I think it would only chase him away. Thank you so much for the advice.

He may want a girlfriend, but it doesn't sound as though you are at the same stage emotionally.

 

And he's only 21, he may be wonderful, but so he hasn't found anyone yet. That's not unusual.

 

I sometimes went for a very long time without BF's, and I'm no freak!