Burnt Out: Why the fudge does it have to be me the "NICE GUY" finishing last?

[tackleboxteddybear]

Ok here goes.

 

To repeat somin I said in another thread Im gettin real tired of PPL my friends everybody tellin me "Dont worry youll find someone".

 

Well its been over 3 years.Im kinda used to this hiyadas but now its just intolorable.No im not gonna do anything stupid.

 

But Y the fudge does it have to be me the "NICE GUY" who always hits the finished line last.I tried the internet thing & alls I found where gals that lied about their weight & or age.Then the other ones you cant talk to cause they either are too too tied up with IMS or they have BF's

 

when I meat them in person they always seem to have BF's (not from talkin threw the net).Im gettin very tired of the "I LIKE YOU AS A FRIEND' or "your my best guy friend".

 

IM 23 Im 6ft 210 I look kinda to fairly good tattoos & piercings are my thing.& I dont wanna change that infact I need to make a trip to my tat shop its been weeks.

 

That & I would like to write about somin positive in my poetry & song writing for once rather than depressing & dark feelings.

 

WTF DO I NEED TO DO?

 

dont say antidepressants LoL

[2SidestoStories]

Sorry. That's blunt. But really...

 

Instead of focusing your time and energy on finding someone, start recognizing yourself as a valid person. Mr. Nice Guy with the tats and piercings, eh? How much of that nice guy persona comes through behind the ink and stainless steel?

 

 

What I've come to realize (after plenty of my own tramples by those fellows I thought were nice guys, I might add) is that the only person who I need to validate my existence is myself. Not selfish nor egotistical. Just honest.

 

In terms of being with someone, maybe you've just got to change your view. Look at someone you've known forever in a different light. A good male buddy, for example. What draws you to people? Is it superficial stuff, like "Hey that chick has four piercings in her tongue!" or is it "Hey, this person is really listening to what I'm saying!" ??

 

But yeah, about the antidepressants thing...don't bother with them unless you think they're going to actually do you any good.

[tackleboxteddybear]

Originally posted by 2SidestoStories

What draws you to people? Is it superficial stuff, like "Hey that chick has four piercings in her tongue!" or is it "Hey, this person is really listening to what I'm saying!" ??

 

.

 

Both of those.

Im just very tired of roaming with thought alone.I know myself & want someone who I can know better.

 

Damnit I want lil me's running around before IM 28 & thats only five yaers away.

 

Im very bored & the full time student thing & being in a band thing doesnt cut it.

 

Im jealous of the PPL around me who get the gals & wonder all the time how the fuzzick did that happen.

 

I guess i maty be obsessing but Ive only had less relationships than I can count on one hand & sex I can only count with an extra finger.

 

I dont want the sex part as much as I need the companionship someone I can relate to hold keep warm bring flowers too kiss.Im a romantic with passion & would luv & die to be able to share it with somebody who appreciates it.

 

I mean maybe I shouldnt have mentionsd the thing about my piercings & tats but thats Y the name Tackleboxteddy bear came about.

 

I want some one to hold & be held as well.Im tired of the lonelyness I need this as a form of joy.

[quankanne]

I think it's a vibe thing, because I've noticed that when a person is alone or looking for a partner, others avoid them like the plague. BUT, when they find that partner, all of a sudden it seems that person is just so appealing that *everyone* wants to be with him or her. The only thing that makes sense is that people are picking up on the happy vibes the person is sending out. People tend to avoid those who are negative, whining or complaining. You're just going have to figure out that one thing which makes you happy, adjust your attitude and you'll attract them like bees to honey.

 

Incidentally, I wouldn't rely on artificial means like internet dating because you really don't know what you're getting into. As for meeting girls in person, just what exactly is the girl you're going after? Chicks who are eye candy, hotties who won't have anything to do with anyone less than hot themselves? Or girls who might not be as striking, but who have charisma, charm or are just plain interesting to talk to?

[subtitled]

People are attracted to people who are comfortable with themselves.

 

Get to know yourself better, be happy with yourself on your own first (without a partner) and then someone will probably recognise your confidence/maturity and be attracted to it.

 

it's all i got

[tackleboxteddybear]

2night all my friends where with their gals

 

I was left alone

 

 

yeah fun.

 

 

Im tired of the game how do I overcome it?

One freind adviced me to go to a bar but no.

 

& yes I already kno me so forget findout & love myself.thats all bulls***.& it reAlly erks me.

 

 

 

Really whats some real adviece?

[2SidestoStories]

You asked. I will do my best to oblige.

 

Most likely you sit and mope because your friends are with people and you are not.

 

Nobody likes a whiner.

 

How's that?

[tackleboxteddybear]

its 530 am here & I looked at my caller ID & none I MEAN NONE of them called me to see what I was up to last night.

 

I crack all the funny jokes round them & I dont whine round them.

 

This place is one of the only mediums I can find to slightly express myself rather than drinking a bottle of captain morgans & expressing myself to the girl I liked who found another guy.

 

I may sound like a cry baby in a sense but my life has been nothing but frustration since hhighschool.

 

forgive the double letters its kinda chilly & im shiverin wish i had a warm body to cuddle up to

[tackleboxteddybear]

Im always the "counselor" for all my friends problems.

 

Y is it me that has to give relationship advice when I havent had one of my own in so long?

 

Its very awkwerd for me & I need spell check LMAO.

[2SidestoStories]

First, forgive me my bluntness in my previous post. I did not mean to imply that you spend a lot of your time with your friends whining. However...

 

This place is one of the only mediums I can find to slightly express myself rather than drinking a bottle of captain morgans & expressing myself to the girl I liked who found another guy.

 

Downing a bottle of Rum could be part of the reason girls are hesitant around you. From my experience, when a person allows themself to drink like a maniac, especially when there is already a tendency toward the morose, it is most often the depressed sounding "whining" that exits a person's lips, whether or not they intend to sound whiny, or perhaps overly expressive in some other fashion.

 

& yes I already kno me so forget findout & love myself.thats all bulls***.& it reAlly erks me.

 

There's a big difference between knowing yourself and liking who you are. I know you think it's BS, but as someone who has had confidence issues my whole life (you mentioned having little but frustration since high school...I know that feeling!) I've found this to be true. Thing is, after being treated like garbage by guys for years, I've finally realized that I deserve better than that. AND nobody else can validate me as a person but me. Not even my two children. It's nobody else's responsibility. See what I am saying?

 

The key is believing that you are worth more than a bottle of rum and some self-pity.

 

 

Im always the "counselor" for all my friends problems.

 

Again, this is something I relate to. At least this indicates that you're trustworthy! I know that for me SO many times that I was interested in a fellow, I became their confidant rather than someone they wanted a relationship with. Most of them had no idea what being friends with their girlfriend meant, and frankly in retrospect I'm really glad things never progressed beyond that level; the resulting "relationship" would have been horrible.

 

Y is it me that has to give relationship advice when I havent had one of my own in so long?

 

I may be going out on a limb here, but did you ever think that perhaps your male friends consider you the "lucky" one? I mean, here they are, all tied down to some girl they may or may not actually like all that much, and then there's YOU; the big, single, tattooed and pierced guy; the band-man; the guy who writes the music and the poetry, and so forth. Maybe they're all asking, "How does this guy manage to keep going as a single dude? That's AWESOME!" (I know. Not likely. But I did have friends of mine <female> who actually said that to me at one point.)

 

You say you know yourself. What do you have to offer to a lady, then? I'm just curious.

[CaterpillarGirl]

Okay, first of all, nice guys don't always finish last.

 

Secondly, if you don't believe that, then I'd just like to say, "WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF WOMEN WHO DO NOT LOOK LIKE SUPERMODELS."

 

Now, find a nice girl who doesn't look like a supermodel and you can both finish somewhere in the middle of the race, like the rest of us.

[BlockHead]

Okay, first of all, nice guys don't always finish last.

Do they finish last most of the time?

No offense, but I just had to say that.

"WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF WOMEN WHO DO NOT LOOK LIKE SUPERMODELS."

Shallowness and weak character aren't limited to a specific body type. I've come across less than attractive women with as much arrogance as the best looking ones. Most of them seem more concerned with charm, and the ability to dress and dance than anything else. Guys like that seem more like trophies to me. He is the kind of guy that she would show of to her friends, and I'm sure that he would make a wonderful pet.

 

Confidence??? I thought it was the magical spark of love at first sight.

 

tackleboxteddybear, I know how you feel. I heard "Don’t worry you’ll find someone" plenty of times. Those same people also tell me "You think too much," and "You try too hard." They seem to believe that a relationship is supposed to fall into your lap.

 

I'm single at 25, and there is nothing wrong with it.

[sonofhud]

I am 20 and I sometimes feel the same way as you tacklebox. i am full time student and I probably do think too much about the future. I'm gonna be on my own in a few years and want to start a family before I'm 30!! I havent had a serious relationship for the last year, but I've found things to fill the void and keep me happy. I've been trying not to worry about it so much and just go with the flow. My best friend is getting married next week and while I think to myself "that is awesome" I also think "i am too young to be getting married!!". Enjoy your time you have being single, figure out what you want for yourself and what you expect from a partner.

[tackleboxteddybear]

I know what I want from a partner & no single life is not very enjoyable for me.Its called lonlyness in my book.lol

 

I think the funny yhting is when My band & I get our s*** together & start doing gigs & maybe make it or when I start my Motorcycle Co & start riding the bikes I build then women will flock to me for my status.

 

How the hell do I go about meeting a none superficial or mateiralistic type of gal who wouldnt care if I had less than a chipped penny in my pocket?

 

Maybe I need to find a Goth chick somewhere.I think they might understand me further than anywoman before has tried.

 

& also yes women do go for the A--holes & Supermodels.I kno because my LiL brother looks like matt damen in a way & women always are enamerd they always submit to his lust ful needs & he screws them over then for weeks after that they keep askin me if he likes them or can I talk to him for them.Yeah this sounds bitter but when your lil brother bangs quite a few gals who where on my list to findout who they where that knocks them off the list real quick & makes me look down on him for his lack of respect for me & them as well.Im a loser LMAO.

 

To quote monty python "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life".Thats what I do even though disappointment would have been more apropriote for my middle name.

LMFAo.

 

Im probably the happiest sad person here.

[BlockHead]

How the hell do I go about meeting a none superficial or mateiralistic type of gal who wouldnt care if I had less than a chipped penny in my pocket?

Let's add RESPECT to that. I would like a girlfriend that can respect my ideas, and me as person. I came across a woman who I believe tried to force me into the "dimwitted guy" role. I don't mind being corrected, but I don't like being "corrected" with an incorrect answer. If she can't accept you will all of your faults and weaknesses, then she isn't worth it.

 

I haven't been able to figure out where a good guy can meet worthwhile women. If you have a general idea where women like that can be found, let me know.

 

I've dealt with systematic rejection my whole life. Does that make me a loser? I don't think so. You are not a loser.

 

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm missing out on something. What would a family of my own be like? What would it be like to come home to a woman that truly loves you? Maybe I'll never know.

 

Personally, I would rather be lonely as a bachelor than live in misery with a despicable woman.

[moimeme]

yes women do go for the A--holes & Supermodels

 

Some women do. Others do not.

 

Let's add RESPECT to that. I would like a girlfriend that can respect my ideas, and me as person. I came across a woman who I believe tried to force me into the "dimwitted guy" role. If she can't accept you will all of your faults and weaknesses, then she isn't worth it.

 

Oh you sound like a real prize. In my experience, men who claim they only want 'respect' are extremely controlling.

 

I don't mind being corrected, but I don't like being "corrected" with an incorrect answer.

 

So your woman may never have a flaw or be mistaken. According to you. Again, signs of controlling personality.

 

If she can't accept you will all of your faults and weaknesses, then she isn't worth it

.

 

I don't get why it is that people now proudly claim their weaknesses and flaws. I have weaknesses and flaws. I continue to try to improve them. Don't you have a goal - an aim to be a really excellent person or are you one of those 'take me as I am' types? Again, no prize in my book.

 

a despicable woman

 

Just that you use that phrase indicates a level of anger and bitterness. Why are you alone? I'm guessing because you're not the kind of person people flock to be around. How's about trying an attitude shift?

 

Oh, right. You and your flaws are to be taken just as you are.

Oh right, you and your flaws are fine just as they are.

[BlockHead]

moimeme,

 

Oh you sound like a real prize. In my experience, men who claim they only want 'respect' are extremely controlling.

What is your idea of respect? To me, it is about treating somebody with fairness.

 

Ask yourself, why do I correct people? Do I do it because I care about the person, and I want to set that person on the right path? Do I do it because I want to assert myself? Do I do it because I want to put the other person down? Where do you draw the line?

 

The reason I don't like being corrected with an incorrect answer is because it seems that the person put little thought into setting me on the right path. What other reasons could there be?

 

Just that you use that phrase indicates a level of anger and bitterness.

I am a little angry and bitter over my experience with women, but I am not consumed by it. I really try to empathize with people like tackleboxteddybear after being in a similar situation.

 

I think the reason people don't flock around me is because I don't have a magnetic personality. In fact, my personality is completely different from the norm. Maybe it is also because I'm not ruled by emotion, and that may be interpreted as cold and distant.

 

I admit that I'm not impartial on the subject of dating. Are you?

Personally, I don't hold grudges. Do you have any resentment directed toward me?

 

Self-improvement is a lifelong process, and I'm still at it. Some people are content being themselves.

[moimeme]

The reason I don't like being corrected with an incorrect answer is because it seems that the person put little thought into setting me on the right path. What other reasons could there be?

 

Simple mistake, for one. You have certain motivations for your behaviour. Others do not share your motivations. To expect them to think and behave as you do and then get angry if they do not is unreasonable.

 

Not everyone is so sure they know the 'right' path anyway. It takes a certain arrogance to make that assumption.

 

Maybe it is also because I'm not ruled by emotion

 

Do you let emotion have any sway? Other than anger, I mean.

 

I admit that I'm not impartial on the subject of dating. Are you?

 

Actually, I think dating is stupid. It sets up a false atmosphere and prevents people from getting to know each other really well. I far prefer to make friends with people. Otherwise, in terms of unhappy experiences, I take lessons from them in terms of how I contributed to them, rather than of how I was 'done wrong'.

[BlockHead]

moimeme,

 

There is one more part to the "corrected with an incorrect answer" story. After verifying what she told me was false, I did talk to her about it the next day. She denied saying what she said. Yes, she is a very intelligent person, and I don't think she could forget that easily. Does that put a different twist on the story?

 

I don't want to get into detail about her personality, but it did take me a while to realize just how arrogant she is.

 

I'm sure that you noticed two parts of my personality. My feeling side guided my earlier replies, and they were directed toward tackleboxteddybear. When dealing with people, feeling should be used. In my reactions to you, I used my thinking side that happens to be my best and most trusted side. It should be used when dealing with objects.

 

Imagine my feeling side as a BB gun, and my thinking side as an artillery piece. If I want to deal with something gently, I'll use my feelings. If I want to blow it away, I'll use my thinking.

 

I don't like your attacks. Are they really intended to help tackleboxteddybear?

 

Please answer this question. Do you have any resentment directed toward me?

[moimeme]

Do you have any resentment directed toward me?

 

I don't even understand the question. I don't know you. I only know what you say about yourself. I respond to that.

 

Does that put a different twist on the story?

 

Not necessarily. If it was a trivial issue, absolutely not, in fact it would confirm my initial impressions. If it was something critical to both your lives, maybe.

 

Imagine my feeling side as a BB gun, and my thinking side as an artillery piece

 

There's a lovely analogy!

 

It should be used when dealing with objects.

 

See, that's exactly what I mean about attitude.

[jenny]

(warning: includes pathologizing)

 

it actually seems to me that you are expereincing pleasure from your false dilemna. your presented choices are Woman or Loneliness, and people on the boards have offered you a host of other perspectives that you could take, or at least test out. you have chosen not to do so - this, combined with a few references to depth of feeling in your music, and the 'happiest sad person' identification, lead me to conclude that you find this sad clown persona gratifying in some way.

 

this is, in itself, not at all a bad thing. but see it. we tend to continue behaviours that we reward ourselves for. if you do indeed want to produce more tackleboxteddybears (i gotta say this is an insanely cute image - think of the tattooed picnics you could have!) then you are going to have to stop focusing so much on yourself.

 

it interests me that you have yet to individuate one woman as a hopeful canidate yet in this discussion...but prove me wrong. tell us specifically about a woman who you genuinely respect and care about.

 

 

xox j

[tackleboxteddybear]

Originally posted by jenny

(

 

it interests me that you have yet to individuate one woman as a hopeful canidate yet in this discussion...but prove me wrong. tell us specifically about a woman who you genuinely respect and care about.

 

 

xox j

 

The one I respesct is the one I posted most about previously.The one who put me in the friends perspective yet is always willing to poor out to me.The guy who "She likes" & is currently going out with is one that put a knife to her throat & asked her if she trusts him which I dont know if I wanna beat his face in for even attempting such a thing cause hes kinda a friend of mine as well.I could go on & on about my liking her but Im trying to move on & keeping an eye out for new prospects (sorry if that sounds kinda degrading).

 

Yes i tend to be the sad clown in which im usaully cracking jokes & mostly have a smile on my face yet only sometimes do I truely shair the pain I feel inside.Maybe I enjoy my depre4ssion for its been with me a good majority of my life.But I still would like to be happy with somebody.

 

Im happy with who I am & how I think but not with the cards delt to me though its truely not a bad hand.The cards dealt meaning the relationships ive been in in my life which at the end where meantally abusive towards me & guilt on their behalves.

 

I have all the emotions like everyone else sometimes more than ppl kno because they usually dont come out for some reason not that I block them.I mean I can watch green mile & crack a tear when the good happens & the sad but I can watch Faces of death & laugh about the utter inhumanity.

 

Im the only one outa my friends who cant really wait to have children but Im not gonna go out there & try to knock some poor gal up (thats if I even have a chance of gettin laid).

 

WHen I get into relationships I fall quick & I never or always become infatuated cauase I develop a love for somebody quite quickly.

 

I dont know whats wrong with me.I get gals that come up to me & compliment my piercings & have trouble conversing with them.But on the other hand I have a kind of carisma that draws ppl to talk to me & i can get along with about anyone.

[jenny]

tackleboxteddybear - here is something i like doing to keep me from getting overly frustrated or introspective about dating:

 

this week, post info about 5 women that you could date.

 

when you tell me about them, *only* tell me about them,*not* how they respond to you, what they think of you, or in any way how they might benefit you or your angst.

 

i will respond in kind - that is, i will tell you what is **objectively** cool about some of my guys. by objective, i simply mean that i have looked at their characters not in terms of how they relate to me, but rather who they are in the world, how they interact with others, how well they handle information/logic/art, etc.

 

when i remember to do this, it helps my focus and attitude a great deal. give it a public whirl if you'd like.

 

you truly like a person when you do so no matter what he or she thinks of you - to find a quality person you must be looking for one.

[tackleboxteddybear]

Well Im going to an event called schwag stock (Ill probably be the only person there not on drugs but maybe beer).

 

Ill try my damndest to spark conversations with women & try to sho confidence so I will report back to you luetinet Jen in a few days.