qwer Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 I feel like relationships are impossible for me because it seems that all women want kids. OK, not all, but 95% of them. I think that I'm a decent catch, but kids always seem to be the dealbreaker and it's getting old. About me: I am reasonably good looking, kind and attentive, and I make a good living although I probably don't dress in a way that advertises this. I am athletic and I play a lot of sports, yet I am not a brute - I am educated and well mannered. OK, I definitely have many flaws, but there are many, many guys who have a lot less going for them. All the women who think I'm a great catch seem to be married, and they tell me that I should be finding loads of women. But my problem seems to be that every woman who is single around my age (late 30's) either has kids or wants kids. And I'm just not interested in kids, neither having my own nor hanging out with someone else's. I'm not in a huge rush to get married, but I'm really looking for a long-term relationship, not just a fling or dating which has no hope of going anywhere. Most of my dating prospects have come from online dating sites, and when I filter out the women with kids, or who are fat, who are boring, who are not smart, there is nothing left. I don't think I'm asking for too much - I am not fat, boring, or dumb and I don't want to date women who are. Is all hope lost? I'm not sure if I'm simply too picky or if I'm just looking in the wrong places (on the Internet). It's not like I'm dating but getting shot down. It's that I can't find anyone remotely interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 Many people have a problem findng the right match, so you're no exception. Maybe you're too picky? Regarding kids, how about a woman who has big kids? Let's say she's 37 and has a 15-year old child who will likely be out of the house in three years. Big kids are not really "kids"- they have their own lives. Also, there are women who don't want kids either. In any case, if you wait a few more years, the women in your age range will have adult children who no longer live with them. Or does that bother you also? Link to post Share on other sites
Shnuggles Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 I know how you feel dude, but you're way more picky then myself. The 30's are really tough when finding someone. The single ladys have had their fun in life and now want to settle down which means getting the best fish they can catch. Wish I knew this earlier in life. Try not to judge the ladys too harshly online until you have had a date with them. What people write on paper isnt usually what you really get anyway. Also, it can take months to find someone online so be patient. Personally, I think the best way to meet other ladys is away from the computer. I'v had one relationship through online dating so its possible. Bigger the city the better the choices though. My city is small unfortunately. So what do us guys do? Go out, have fun and hope for the best I suppose. I'm going to look into some clubs (motorbikes, bushwalking etc) and hope to find someone there. That way we both have the same interests in something. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 I've tried hundreds of dating sites and I find women who don't want kids and don't already have them to be quite common. Link to post Share on other sites
Author qwer Posted December 15, 2008 Author Share Posted December 15, 2008 Thanks for the responses. I will try to be more open minded to "big kids" as you suggest, RecordProducer. That idea is not quite so scary as little kids, although it isn't ideal. And maybe I am judging too harshly too soon about the women I see online. I have dated women who seem ideal on paper, and some have been great but in the end it hasn't worked out for one reason or another. So that makes me really shy away from the ones who look less than perfect on paper. But perhaps I am simply limiting my options too much. With a tired sigh I will drag myself back into the game. Link to post Share on other sites
Shnuggles Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 I've tried hundreds of dating sites and I find women who don't want kids and don't already have them to be quite common. Know any good sites? Here in Australia there is only one good site to choose from and not that many girls to choose from either. Ladies that dont want kids? Hardly any. Careful with some dating sites as they can have fake profiles. Anything to earn a buck really. Stick with the popular ones. Link to post Share on other sites
Left in a Lurch Posted December 15, 2008 Share Posted December 15, 2008 qwer- I could have written the exact same thing as you, word for word, except I don't mind kids that much. They are just not that big of a target for me. If I went after married women, I'd be set. For some odd reason I have a couple of friends with wives that are perfect 10s that always seem into me, and try to set me up with their friends. What I get is single women always think I am either against kids or don't want them or I am irressponsible because I don't have kids and filter me out. I think if you look for women mid to late 20s, you'll find a lot that don't have kids, and that's a good start. Dress like a gay dude and flash cash like a tool and they will probably flock to you. Me, I think I am just going to call it quits and start going after married women. That way I don't have to worry about meeting the kids and dealing with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author qwer Posted December 15, 2008 Author Share Posted December 15, 2008 I think if you look for women mid to late 20s, you'll find a lot that don't have kids, and that's a good start. Dress like a gay dude and flash cash like a tool and they will probably flock to you. Me, I think I am just going to call it quits and start going after married women. Man, you are cracking me up and leading me toward the dark side. I suppose I could turn metrosexual and it would probably help. I don't know though ... honesty might be the best policy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author qwer Posted December 15, 2008 Author Share Posted December 15, 2008 Know any good sites? Here in Australia there is only one good site to choose from and not that many girls to choose from either. Ladies that dont want kids? Hardly any. I'm also curious what dating sites have real, interesting people. Match.com and Yahoo seem to be the biggest in the US and perhaps it's just the town I live in, but there's not a lot of interest there. I have been to Australia Shnuggles, and you are a lucky guy. The women are gorgeous and friendly, seemingly not as guarded and defensive as American women. Link to post Share on other sites
Left in a Lurch Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Does it make me shallow that I could never use a dating site because I have to see a woman up front to see if I am attracted to her? It just seems like there would be about a 90% chance there would be no attraction for one parties involved when meeting on a dating site. Just wondering. I am probably shallow. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 I'm in my 30's and don't have children, and am fine not having them. Link to post Share on other sites
Jilly Bean Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 I don't want kids, either. And I also won't date a guy with kids... I would, however, have a kid with D-Lish in a heartbeat, but that's another thread for another time... Link to post Share on other sites
CandyGirlXO Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 I am 26, and don't want kids. I mean maybe if I found the right guy, but I am perfectly fine without having any kids also. A dog would do just fine. I have friends that feel the sameway. I think no a days it is quite common. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 There have been a few threads in the last couple of months about women who don't want children. There are more than you think. Sorry, I'm not one of them, although having kids would have to be either within an incredible marriage to an amazing man, or by myself. If it's a mediocre or not 100% trusting relationship, forget it. It's just not worth the hassle of baby papa drama. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Know any good sites? Here in Australia there is only one good site to choose from and not that many girls to choose from either. Ladies that dont want kids? Hardly any. Careful with some dating sites as they can have fake profiles. Anything to earn a buck really. Stick with the popular ones. It's okay, I don't even bother with dating sites anymore as I've given up, I know my fate is that I'll never get a woman, no matter what I try. I only know one good site (can't even remember most of the others that I had been on), called Plentyoffish, it has a forum too which I think is a great idea because women can get an idea of your personality through you posts, which means you should get more contacting you than on a dating site without one. Then there's Myspace, it's not really a dating site but there are plenty of women on there who are single and are looking for someone, you can edit your profile to say if you're on there looking for a relationship, or a date, etc (so obviously if you look at their profile you'll be able to see what they're looking for too). Then, if you see someone that you like, just send them a friend request with a small message and see what happens from there. I guess Facebook may work the same too. Link to post Share on other sites
Ross PK Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Does it make me shallow that I could never use a dating site because I have to see a woman up front to see if I am attracted to her? It just seems like there would be about a 90% chance there would be no attraction for one parties involved when meeting on a dating site. Just wondering. I am probably shallow. You're not shallow. Photographs can make people look different, and physical attraction is important to most people, there's nothing shallow about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Benique Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Qwer, tell all ladies you encounter that you do not want kids straight away .On the very first meeting , online, even do not wait for the date . Or edit your profile this way : A good looking , so on and etc` praising yourself , guy looking for a woman with no desire to have kids . (Maybe you have got This advice already,I just have no time to read all responses:)) best of luck ! [[Just else my 20 cents : kids bring so much happiness . But you need to want them ,true . Otherwise do not make them .]] Link to post Share on other sites
Shnuggles Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 Don't give up guys. Im 32 and still looking. Funny enough you could be not looking and then one day you just happen to run into Miss Right. Plus, ladies like guys who are persistent in their goals and dreams. Oh, I would recommend at least browsing some online dating sites. Have a lookie and see if anyone peeks your interest. It doesn't have to be your main source for looking for your perfect partner but it will give you another option. I use RSVP.com here in Australia. Its ok but the girls are VERY picky. Other sites are dodgy! Good idea about Myspace. Think Ill try it (see, never give up!!). If a guy with no legs and arms can get a hot chick, hell, so can I !!! (seriously) Link to post Share on other sites
Posco_Proudfoot Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 Does it make me shallow that I could never use a dating site because I have to see a woman up front to see if I am attracted to her? It just seems like there would be about a 90% chance there would be no attraction for one parties involved when meeting on a dating site. Just wondering. I am probably shallow. Heck no ! I got the same problem. Sitting around looking at pictures and chatting for hours only to find out there is 0 attraction makes it all the more discouraging. Link to post Share on other sites
mrose2008 Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 I would try the older child thing..If my husband had not wanted children there would have been no way I would have dated him..(We are having our one and only child..both of us feel one is enough plus we have 3 cats)...That was a must for me... There are a few women who dont want children out there but all my friends either have 1-3 kids or are planning too one day.. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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