dancing like a puppet 4 mum and dad

[rosey77]

Hi All,

At 36, with two children aged 5 and 9, i am still under the control of my parents. I am single and i think they see our family as an extention of themselves where they have juristiction sp? over my kids.....I have to tell them constantly and without emotion, that i am the boss when it comes to my kids and I.

 

when i don't behave how they wish ( and who knows what that is) the strings are pulled.... my mum is the worst and my dad condones her behaviour... it makes me sick that he is also under her controll. I feel guilty and i know it is my decision to feel that way but i have been through this my whole life. I am used to this way of being and i feel scared that i will never really be me. I am so afraid of dying. I am scared I will have never really been OK and supported by a single human being my whole life. it gets tiring being there constantly for myself. As a child i was isolated from the rest of the world. they said everyone was up to no good. I really wanna scream at them and shake them. but they would just sit there with glassy eyes and would ask me the age old "who have you been getting these ideas from" as if i can't even come up with a single idea of my own. I feel so full of rage at them....i have spent so long keeping my feelings under control and trying to practise forgiveness and detachment....every now and then i can't take any more....I just just wonder what happened to me? do i even exist at all. I can't believe these people just sit there together happily toying with me and I let them...They have the safety of each other and validation that what they are doing is right. it makes me sick the thought of it...how do I get them to stop?

 

cheers

Rose

[sb129]

Have you thought about moving away?

[catastrophe]

Lay down the law. Start small by living for yourself, and stop depending on them financially or otherwise if you currently are - that will go a long way towards ending their power over you. Then, when they try to asset control, you just stand up for yourself. I know, it sounds easy but is the hardest thing in the world when you try it. Just start by being independent in any ways you can and grow towards total independence. It will get easier over the years.

[RavenHair]

Your parents sound like my mom. She makes me feel guilty and really lays it on thick when she's feeling that she's not winning. I wonder if she really is trying to save me from heartache (to quote her) or if she just isn't ready to let go, even though I'm almost 30. I've had to stand up to her and though she still pushes her boundaries, she's beginning to let me go a bit. Your parents are controlling and I think you should firmly stand up to them. Moving away won't necessarily address the problem. When you come back to visit, it'll be the same old thing, so you must address it now. If they keep it up, keep your visits short and sweet. When they start acting up, leave. Sure it's easier than done, but hopefully it won't come to that. Just curious...do you find yourself in controlling romantic relationships as well?

[lightning spades]

Wow, that sounds like a really crappy situation. Normally you should just move away, but I don't know your financial situation and with two kids, that might not be feasible. But honestly, it seems like the only option. Don't expect them to change. They won't. If anything's gonna happen, it has to happen on your end.

 

Find the people in the world who can make you feel good about yourself. They're out there. Maybe there are only a very small number of them, but everyone has people they can connect with. You just gotta break out of that shell and look.

[Whillo]

What's your situation? Do you work full-time? If so, are your parents caring for your children?

[Xion]

know how that feels to have parents who give you crap and make you feel worthless. My advice get away immediatly because if you stay with them they will always make you feel this way.