My story

[kash]

Hi,

 

I want to tell my story, i dont rly expect anything special, but i feel relieved just telling this.

you are free to comment on this, do it nicely please.

 

so many other girls, but none gave me the feeling that she gave me when i met her for the first time. So after a while I learned she only lived 2 blocks away from my place. I decided to take all my courage together and confront her. She i went to her home and pressed the on the doorbell, luckily she opened and her parents were not home, else i would be even more nervous then i already was, (afterwards what was i thinking?)Anyways i told her that I wanted to get to know her better instead of only waving and smiling in the bus, she told me that she already had a boyfriend so... We walked abit (letting her dog out) and I guess I made a deep impression on her. She told me so many times. Anyways to cut this off i gave her my email so if she ever was interested she could add me, and we could chat a bit.

 

It didnt took long before she added me, though she said she doesnt come online much as she doesnt like msn alot, its so un-personal. We slowly started talking, casual talking nothing serious, as weeks slowly pass we enjoyed chatting and seeing eachother, on msn, in the bus etc. She started growing feelings for me, she doesnt know what to do with this, she still has a boyfriend she also loves alot, and she doesnt want to hurt him which i can understand aswell.

 

Well i didnt want to push her so I gave her all the room she wants. anyways as feelings grew stronger she decided to talk this over with her boyfriend, they had a talk and the conclusion was that they still wanted to continue and see how things go.

For 2 weeks we didnt see eachother, for me it was like an eternity but I still had both feet on the ground and could continue my life. But then there she was, tapping me on my back when i was going in the bus, like 2 magnets we just get pulled together and things started all over again, which I didnt mind at all, because this is what I wanted.

 

After this for the next month we really saw eachother alot, things moved pretty fast and love grew very much, we had alot of serious conversations I even know stuff about her even her boyfriend doesnt know, i just want to express her that her feelings to me got stronger and stronger. She also says that to me. But then it happend again.

 

She made the choice of not talking to me anymore, nor sitting next to me in the bus. Acting like strangers all over again. I agree'd but afcourse with pain, though i didnt show anything of that to her. Now 2 months later present time we still see eachother in the bus, but we dont talk, we just keep looking at eachother. She also didnt block me on msn, however she indirectly still shows me she cares about me a great deal.

 

I can't nor do I want to move on, she says so don't want contact, but she doesnt completely shut me off either. She plays songs and shows on msn knowing that I watch her and listen, she plays the songs like:

http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=5I5iBVksoH8

http://nl.youtube.com/watch?v=wegOJS02znY

 

Now these songs resemble how broken we both are, she has her troubles with dealing with 2 people she loves (or something). And I cant go on, because she still loves me, as long as I know its there I can't move on.

I'm so broken, so desperate, and very depressive atm. I've always been unlucky with love and ive given up hope long ago, untill she came along. She showed affection, but we cant move on, I simply dont know what to do anymore. All i know is that i feel a pain in my stomack the whole time, it feels like im hungry the whole time.

 

I'm going to send her a christmas card, she probably wont expect this. I still have hopes she would come into my arms one day, when that happens i will never let go...

 

thanks for reading this, please feel free to comment, don't judge me though, there are still alot of things that happend that I might not have mentioned in the above. I just typed the things that came to my mind.

 

greets,

 

from holland

[Joyvke]

Oh dear. Well personally I always find my male friends who fall in love with a girl who has a boyfriend pull the end of the string. Pretty much every single time. She doesn't love you enough to leave him and probably keeps you for the attention. If she did she would leave him and go with you, but then again, doesn't that show how "reliable" she is?

 

Succes ermee (Ook Nederland, Pff, Holland, je moest je schamen ;( ).

[imagine]

The thought that comes to mind is: Mij jonge broeder, ben jij helemal gejk!

 

I'm sure she has feelings. You are the fantasy contact. Fantasy people can do no wrong.

 

Don't write that card. Do you WANT to be an interloper. Because interfering is a LOT easier than actually developing a relationship.

 

Mij broeder, krij jou eijer meisie.

 

Please excuse my Hollands taal. I don't get enough practice.

[kash]

thanks for your kind comments,

 

I really don't understand yet but yesterday, not long after writing the above story and pressing submit she actualy talked to me on msn.

 

I don't really know why, as she was the one who said to not talk. I took my chance to explain my feelings and she said she also felt very unhappy with this whole thing. We had a good 3 hour talk about alot of things ;p. Some people might think she is holding me on a leash, I dont think she does it on purpose, she keeps telling me that she's sorry for suddenly talking again. And I really didnt mind at all, just like that she saves me from almost drowning in a deep blue ocean, and now im back on the ship again.

 

I think my hopes are up again, and I will see how things go in the next days/weeks. We talked again in the bus, though just a little bit. I think we are like 2 magnets who get pulled together, even when she tries her best to run away, in the end she comes to me and i'll be there waiting for her. I just hope that she will be able to take our relationship to the next step, and stop being scared of taking it. She is unhappy right now how things are,

she might be afterwards aswell, but you dont know untill you try right?

 

She's such a complicated little girl.. she's worth all the trouble but it's just so hard to keep all my feelings under control, i wanna hug and kiss her and tell her its all ok, but i can't just do that, i have to be patient the whole time untill she is willing to move on, if she ever will.

 

Also I definitly want to send her a christmas card, just to again show her that im still there and still care for her. I like to continue adding some things that happend from time to time in here. I really do feel relieved typing this.

 

* leuk dat er nederlander's zijn op het forum had ik niet verwacht.

Dacht meer amerikaans ofzo. bedankt voor jullie reacties. groetjes uit eindhoven

[kash]

Oh dear. Well personally I always find my male friends who fall in love with a girl who has a boyfriend pull the end of the string. Pretty much every single time. She doesn't love you enough to leave him and probably keeps you for the attention. If she did she would leave him and go with you, but then again, doesn't that show how "reliable" she is?

 

Succes ermee (Ook Nederland, Pff, Holland, je moest je schamen ;( ).

 

I don't think she keeps my for the attention, im very sensitive to that and would know if that was the case. And looking at her personality i doubt at all she really wants attention.

 

Her situation as she tells me is more like lets see. She takes pills against depression, these pills seem to calm her down and stops that depression, i dont rly know the specific details as to where they come from, she had it a long time before we even met etc. When im around her she's a little happy girl and im a happy, and there are no signs of depression or anything. Untill she thinks again the situation she's in or when she starts to think what she's doing to me.

 

All i know is I love her, and I want her to know she can depend on me, ill cary whatever burden if needed. I just hope there will be a time that she can make that step forward.

 

As for reliable, to be honest if she would be my girlfriend someday, I would have blind faith in her knowing she would never do something weird. If she for some reason ever would fall in love with someone else I cant start blaming her for that, those things happen and you can't do anything about it.

[Joyvke]

I don't think she keeps my for the attention, im very sensitive to that and would know if that was the case. And looking at her personality i doubt at all she really wants attention.

 

Her situation as she tells me is more like lets see. She takes pills against depression, these pills seem to calm her down and stops that depression, i dont rly know the specific details as to where they come from, she had it a long time before we even met etc. When im around her she's a little happy girl and im a happy, and there are no signs of depression or anything. Untill she thinks again the situation she's in or when she starts to think what she's doing to me.

 

All i know is I love her, and I want her to know she can depend on me, ill cary whatever burden if needed. I just hope there will be a time that she can make that step forward.

 

As for reliable, to be honest if she would be my girlfriend someday, I would have blind faith in her knowing she would never do something weird. If she for some reason ever would fall in love with someone else I cant start blaming her for that, those things happen and you can't do anything about it.

 

How long is this situation going on already. If it's 6 months then it's pretty long for a "let's see" isn't it? I see where you coming from, but try and place yourself in her boyfriend shoes as well.

 

Just wondering, whats your age?

 

(Omgeving Den Bosch hier, houdoe he o/.) En het is niet tof om achter iemand aan te blijven lopen, zo je best aan het doen en ze kiezen toch niet voor . Zelfde situatie sort of here. Alleen is die van mij single :").

[imagine]

How long is this situation going on already. If it's 6 months then it's pretty long for a "let's see" isn't it? I see where you coming from, but try and place yourself in her boyfriend shoes as well.

 

Ja beslis!

 

If she 's on tabs and has depression this is a bad sign of low esteem. Low esteem means she seeks admiration - from anyone.

 

I think possibly that you are also thirsty for attention. This is a bad combo.

 

 

Groetje uit Kaapstad, Zuide Afrika.

[kash]

hmm its going around i think since after summer holidays, during that time she came online very often and we just chatted away. After that she was doing "stage". and from there on we sat in the bus together alot aswell. getting closer, bit of flirting etc.

 

So i think it all really started since august, before that was nothing very special as we just saw eachother sometimes in weeks time. I can understand her boyfriends situation, they also have talked about it aparently multiple times, he said he doesnt like this situation either but still loves her alot.

 

I dont want to act all innocent and say that im not guilty of trying to make her mine ('sort of speak'). But I am giving her alot of room, she knows my feelings very well, I can only guess to what her true feelings really are current day. Are we friends? or is there more.. right now its a blur for me because i dont know if her feelings changed because we didnt speak for 45 days. anyways like i said before I will act selfish and as long as I believe there's a chance or possibility that we can be together then I will try so.

 

She will set the boundaries, and I will move freely within those boundaries.

Right now it has always been strictly talking, no going out, no telephone number exchanges etc.

 

the lets see what happens now is because she decided to talk to me again after strictly saying we shouldnt anymore. I am curious if she took enough time to sort her feelings out and know maybe knows what she wants. So ill wait and see whats going to happen.

 

She is by the way 20, and im 22.

[Joyvke]

I dont want to act all innocent and say that im not guilty of trying to make her mine ('sort of speak'). But I am giving her alot of room, she knows my feelings very well, I can only guess to what her true feelings really are current day. Are we friends? or is there more.. right now its a blur for me because i dont know if her feelings changed because we didnt speak for 45 days. anyways like i said before I will act selfish and as long as I believe there's a chance or possibility that we can be together then I will try so.

 

There is your answer as far as I can tell. Sounds harsh, but if you really didn't talk for that long then I think she choose her boyfriend. Also agreeing with Imagine there + take her age on top of that. Fact is, alot of females around 20 aren't very mature and just love attention.