The Guest That Wouldn't LEAVE: family

[georgejungle]

How the hell can you not take a hint and

Realize that, you need to LEAVE? I guess some people

just aren't perceptive or they just don't get a clue.

 

I hate when my Wife's cousin comes over. She's been over

three times in the last month to see the baby. Everytime, she

stays a LONG LONG time. Always says she'll just drop by for

a minute. She's really high maintanance, so it's like we have to

entertain her while she's here. She's 34, not married and doesn't

keep many friends outside of family, so she's always got LOts

of time on her hands. She never brings us anything, we've made

lunch once, bought coffees and dinner that last two times, etc.

We don't expect anything, but we always take care of her,

when she's here, cuz we're polite and nice people.

 

anyway...Me and the wife are trying to figure out how to be

nice and not have her over so much. She just recently came over

and We Could NOT get her to leave, even with all the subtle hints

that we had a ton of stuff to do, she just sat on the couch and

talked about what she's been doing, eating our snacks. She's mentioned

that she wants to start coming over more often to see baby.

 

 

How would you handle it?

[corazoncito]

Does she call before she comes over? I'd just tell her it's not a good time.

 

If she just shows up, I'd just answer the door and keep it half closed and blocked with my body so she couldn't slip past me. And I'd tell her nicely but firmly (repeatedly if necessary) that it's really not a good time.

 

Maybe you can suggest meeting up somewhere outside of the house occasionally to keep the peace? Some place where you pay when you place your order. And get there early so you can order and pay for your food/drinks before she arrives . She's on her own if she wants something.

 

People who are socially clueless like that don't get hints. You have to hit them over the head.

[georgejungle]

People who are socially clueless like that don't get hints. You have to hit them over the head.

 

this is her, Haha. No, She does call before coming over.

But she's very insistant. She'll call, email AND text to see

if she can come over, all three of those on the SAME DAY.

 

We HAVE lied and said we've had plans before or busy, but

you can only avoid her for so long...She is family after all

and my wife kinda feels bad telling her NO all the time.

 

yet when she's here, we both regret saying YES because

she will BUG.

 

I guess we'll have to just avoid her and tell her NO til she

gets the hint.

[corazoncito]

I think you and your wife will have to decide how often you want to see her (like once/twice a month?) and then stick to your guns and say "no' the other times. At least that way you know you are seeing her regularly and not just saying "no" until you feel guilty.

 

My husband and I have a friend who's kind of like that. She's not family but we have to see her about once a month because she owes us money and prefers to pay us in person. The problem is that, although at her core she's a good hearted person, she's an alcoholic and is also one of those people who never shuts up. So when she gets drunk (and it's always when, not if), we could be in for hours of listening to her.

 

We rarely see her outside of the money exchanges now (that's enough). We also always try to see her outside our home. That's made a huge difference. It's much easier to leave when you're at a cafe or restaurant. And we sometimes lie and tell her we have someone else to meet when we arrive, so we know we only have to hang out an hour or so. I think it's working because she used to bug us to get together all the time and now it's a lot less.

 

I don't know if that's practical for you with the baby. It can be a hassle to get out of the house if the baby is really young.

[Lizzie60]

Tell her that she needs to call before... or next time she shows up without announcing herself.. just say you are on your way out.. don't offer her to come in..

 

but .. on the other hand..

 

she's single.. no kids.. if she's rich.. keep her close.. your child might inherit her fortune.. she could become 'tante gâteau'...

 

ask her to babysit.. or give you a hand with a 'dirty job' .. she will think twice before coming next time..

[georgejungle]

at this point and probably for the next several

months, we can't go many places with the baby,

so we're confined to house visits.

 

NO, She doesn't just pop over without calling...She calls...

But like i said, She CALLS, TEXTS and EMAILS all in the same

day when she wants to come over...She's annoying that way.

 

Like: "Hey, called you an hour ago, haven't heard from you...

Want to come over tomorrow night, let me know" and then

she'll Email: "Hey i just texted you guys, i want to come over

tomorrow night and If it gets late, maybe i can just sleep

over so i don't have to drive too late, call me and let me know"

 

UGH.

[Lizzie60]

Huh???

 

at this point and probably for the next several

months, we can't go many places with the baby,

so we're confined to house visits.

Yabut.. she doesn't have to know this..

 

Just invent excuses.. she'll eventually get the hint...

[Geishawhelk]

Like: "Hey, called you an hour ago, haven't heard from you...

Want to come over tomorrow night, let me know"

 

"Sorry.

It's not convenient."

 

and then she'll Email:

"Hey i just texted you guys, i want to come over

tomorrow night and If it gets late, maybe i can just sleep

over so i don't have to drive too late, call me and let me know".

 

"Maybe another time. we'll contact you when we think we can do something! Right now, we need a bit of peace, quiet and privacy to become a family of our own!

Thanks!"

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Maybe Lizzie's onto something. Try walking out when she walks in. A friend is in the hosp. do you mind baby sitting while we run out for a visit.

 

Can you help me fold this laundry, turn a mattress, move the bed and vacuum under it? I think something died under my fridge, here I'll move if and you pick up whatever is underneath. Also, eat before she comes. Let her know that you just finished up the left overs!

 

I had a girlfriend that was obnoxious. Not even a girlfriend, an aquaintance. She would drive by and call from her cell (she lived 20 minutes away) then knock on the door when she couldn't get me on the phone. Barge right into the kitchen and say "HEY! Is that wine?" Stay through dinner til bedtime. I finally started avoiding her. Hid on the floor behind the couch oneday while she came to every door and window. Even the back porch with full view behind teh couch! Wacko! She eventually let up.

[D-Lish]

I had a girlfriend that was obnoxious. Not even a girlfriend, an aquaintance. She would drive by and call from her cell (she lived 20 minutes away) then knock on the door when she couldn't get me on the phone. Barge right into the kitchen and say "HEY! Is that wine?" Stay through dinner til bedtime. I finally started avoiding her. Hid on the floor behind the couch oneday while she came to every door and window. Even the back porch with full view behind teh couch! Wacko! She eventually let up.

 

That's hilarious I tell you... Beautiful!

 

What food does she hate? I'd keep those handy to serve to her when she's there. Maybe even food you know will make her gassy. Hopefully making her gassy would prompt her to leave.... Otherwise that would make her extended stay worse.

 

Despite the great advice to be frank with this person... it's easier said than done. No one likes the idea of hurting someone.

[2sure]

BABY SITTER!

 

Tell her today is not good, but you would love it if she wanted to come over friday for a couple of hours while the two of you shop or go to dinner.

 

This way she can see the baby and your not entertaining her. Do not offer to pay her! (unless you want this to be a regular thing) she is family after all..

 

Do this 2 times. If she wants to watch/see the baby she will agree, If she doesnt - she will stop calling to come over.

 

Done. And you have done nothing wrong.

[Meaplus3]

How the hell can you not take a hint and

Realize that, you need to LEAVE? I guess some people

just aren't perceptive or they just don't get a clue.

 

George, It sounds to me like she is lonely. That is probably why she stays so long for the company.

 

 

She's mentioned

that she wants to start coming over more often to see baby.

 

If she calls first then you could always tell her you have other plans and perhaps after a while she will get the hint. Honestly though.. if this really is bothering you and you feel ok with saying something to her directly beign honest is your best bet. I'm sure if you were polite enough about it she'd probably not get to bent out of shape.

 

Mea:)