To win her heart, with out being psycho....

[NashKato]

New to this, so please bear with me. I met a girl a couple of weeks ago at a bar. Some friends of mine were playing Scrabble (?!) when, out of the blue, this girl sat next me and became my partner. We lost the game. But ended up talking and hanging out for most of the evening . In short, she ended up giving me a business card for the store she owns. I went into the store to ask her out (she said yes). No definite plans have been made, but the times I've talked to her or seen her, we seem to really hit it off. I've never had such an easy or fun time talking to a love interest. I think I'm starting to fall for her (though I realize it's still early in the process). Anywho--I'm not convinced she's interested, but she's yet to totally cast me aside. The question is, how do I make the maximum effort at winning her over--without seeming needy, or worse yet, psycho? I want to give this the best possible effort while walking that razor thin, line. Thanks for any input.

[Tony T]

You have to understand "The Law of Least Effort." She is doing very little herself and she's already got you hooked. So, she's giving YOU the answer to your question. You do very little at this point. Ask her out, doing something fun, and forget about it for a few days. You sound like a pretty intelligent guy so I'm assuming that you already know that the more you go after a chick in the beginning, the less interested she becomes. Women like a challenge as much as a man. It's sort of an art. It has to be natural. Just be cool. Be yourself. But don't make winning her heart such a big deal. Look up the word "coy" in the dictionary. It's there for a reason. This lady knows exactly how to peak your interest and wow is her plan working big time. You can't let her know that now....that's for months down the road.

 

Always remember Tony's law: "If somebody's going to love you, there going to love you regardless of how much you do to win their heart. If somebody's NOT going to love you, there NOT going to love you no matter how much you bust your ass to win their heart."

 

No go on and be cool.

[Nazima]

Being female, I like men who are confident in who they are without being cocky. They are not swayed by any sort of peer pressure, know how to be gentlemen and treat a lady like a lady. Romatic is always good, but not too early in a relationship I think. Get to know her as a friend, what she likes, dislikes, her hobbies, favorite foods, things like that. Talk to her and show that you are genuinely interested in her as a PERSON, not some sort of conquest or sexual object. If she truly likes you after getting to know you better, the rest will fall into place.

[subtitled]

according to tony's law, it shouldn't matter how you behave (to a certain degree ) if she likes you, so wouldn't it seem reasonable to just be yourself? and don't overanalyse. i always do that. eek.

[tackleboxteddybear]

Originally posted by Nazima

Being female, I like men who are confident in who they are without being cocky. They are not swayed by any sort of peer pressure, know how to be gentlemen and treat a lady like a lady. Romatic is always good, but not too early in a relationship I think. Get to know her as a friend, what she likes, dislikes, her hobbies, favorite foods, things like that. Talk to her and show that you are genuinely interested in her as a PERSON, not some sort of conquest or sexual object. If she truly likes you after getting to know you better, the rest will fall into place.

 

DOnt listen to the friend thing cause what I have learned its always (ALWAYS ) ends with your heart broken.

 

 

Sounds like you already have her.DONT BE A WUSSY.

 

Plan somin fun with her like goin to the zoo an amusement park or gokarting etc.Just do somin.Dont let it pass you by so your left with regret.You got her to say yes to going out & she sat next to you in scrabble.I wish I had that type of luck but she sees you as of being to passive mostlikely so she wants you to make the first "PASS".

 

DOsomin dont wait around for somin to happen.Your in the door dont let it slam on your ass for being laid back.

[moimeme]

Women like a challenge as much as a man

 

Some women, perhaps. However, playing games is a turnoff. Planning a marriage on the second date is, too.

It's really not about whether people are a 'challenge' or not, it's about pacing. Some people get attached very quickly; others do not. In the latter case, liking has to grow into love so if one person leaps to love before the other, yes, it can be off-putting. In that case, the leaper has to restrain him/herself to match the other's pace.

 

People also have different comfort levels about togetherness. Some people like their partners to be companions and friends in most activities; others like less togetherness.

 

Most people don't like being the sole object of another's attention and affection; that can mean that the person giving the attention, etc. hasn't enough of a life or an independent nature. Few people can tolerate being someone's idol.

 

The biggest problem arises when the level of liking rises much more quickly for one than the other and that is what is tricky to gauge. Too bad we don't all wear meters to display the level of liking for one another; it would make it so much easier. Since we don't, what you need to do is to sort out where you're at with respect to her affections. I think a good rule of thumb is reciprocity. If one of is calling every day but the other doesn't, that's not a good sign. If one sends four emails a day and the other none, same thing.

 

At the end of your date, ask if she'd like to get together again. If she says 'yes', then say 'when is a good time for you?' Watch her face and listen. If she looks happy and eager and says 'let's have lunch tomorrow', it's obvious she's quite taken with you. If she looks standoffish and says 'next month', it's a different story.