RogueK Posted September 13, 2003 Share Posted September 13, 2003 I wasn't really sure where to put this so i'm sticking it in here. I'm at a point where i'm finding a chance to get back with my ex or move on elsewhere. How do you know if that person you are with is right for you or not? Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted September 13, 2003 Share Posted September 13, 2003 Ah, I've asked that question myself, many times. I ask friends and get that vague 'ya just know..' The best I can come up with myself is 'if you can make it work..' If two people can communicate, bring out the best in each other, and work over, around or through problems and still have Joy then they are probably a good bet. I say 'joy' rather than love, because you can be seriously addicted to someone that does you no good at all, they sap the joy from your heart but you still keep coming back for more. That's why the stories of getting back with ex's bode ill - because often it means that two people had a difficulty that they couldn't work out. That's a bad sign, often it means that deep down one or both where not happy and/or committed to the relationship. In any case the thing that split them up, the underlying problem rarely dissapears and sits there just below the surface to re-emerge later. So having joy in the relationship is a better inication as to whether you're 'right for each other' - passion is fine but people that are truly compatible tend to be happy in each others company. They talk a lot about anything and everything and, as I said, when problems arise they realise that what they had was so good they're both willing to do what it takes to get back there again. There are and will always be other choices out there, even when you love the one you're with there will always be possibilities, people with whom you have more in common, that make you laugh more, that look better - but if you look at your partner and deep down know that you may do 'different' but you will never do 'better' (s)he's probably the one for you. Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted September 13, 2003 Share Posted September 13, 2003 but if you look at your partner and deep down know that you may do 'different' but you will never do 'better' (s)he's probably the one for you. Very well stated. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 13, 2003 Share Posted September 13, 2003 Nicely said, Reckless. A fellow and I were discussing my fondness for another fellow once. The person with whom I was speaking asked me 'is he good for you?' At first, I thought it was a silly question. The more I thought of it, though, the more it made sense. Ideally, the person you choose for a partner should be someone who contributes to your life rather than detracts from it. If you give up crucial aspects of yourself for the relationship, it's not right for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 13, 2003 Share Posted September 13, 2003 The right person for you will be someone who doesn't seek to change you in anyway and for whom you have no desire to change in any way. Of course, there always has to be caring, communication, committment and all those other nice things that help. I think if you have to ask yourself if the person is right, they probably aren't. I've always felt that when I met the right person there would be absolutely no doubt. Maybe I'm just way too romantic. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 13, 2003 Share Posted September 13, 2003 I've always felt that when I met the right person there would be absolutely no doubt Sometimes you can have absolutely no doubt about someone who turns out to be the wrong person after all. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 13, 2003 Share Posted September 13, 2003 YOU WRITE: "Sometimes you can have absolutely no doubt about someone who turns out to be the wrong person after all." You are absolutely right. But sometimes there is doubt about considering someone for whom you would have otherwise doubted had they been a certain way but in the absense of that behavior the doubt is then associated with previous doubt about other people but everybody is unique and should be treated with individual doubt vs. collective doubt. I seriously doubt that someone would pick the wrong person if they doubted hard enough the doubt they were feeling about the person they were doubting being the wrong person, then the doubt over being wrong would be overpowered by the doubt about not being right. Know what I mean? I doubt it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 13, 2003 Share Posted September 13, 2003 That 'doubt' business will do a number on you, for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted September 13, 2003 Share Posted September 13, 2003 i think the answer to the original question is "you don't". there's no way of knowing, b/c you can never try everyone else. so if you're satisfied with your r/s, and feel ready to commit (i think this part has much more to do with your state of mind than with the partner considered), then you'll stay with this person, for better or for worse. it doesn't make such a huge difference, overall. -yes Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted September 14, 2003 Share Posted September 14, 2003 But sometimes there is doubt about considering someone for whom you would have otherwise doubted had they been a certain way but in the absense of that behavior the doubt is then associated with previous doubt about other people but everybody is unique and should be treated with individual doubt vs. collective doubt. I seriously doubt that someone would pick the wrong person if they doubted hard enough the doubt they were feeling about the person they were doubting being the wrong person, then the doubt over being wrong would be overpowered by the doubt about not being right. Know what I mean? I doubt it!!! How much doubt could our Tony doubt if our Tony could doubt doubt? Link to post Share on other sites
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