should i breakup? during the "time off", he has not called or leave me a message

[xoxo]

hey.

 

my bf is 28 and i'm 20. btw i'm still studyin while he's working. his work is kind of unpredictable and time consuming. so there are times we meet up like everyday and other times we meet up once a week. we've been together 1 1/2 months.

 

recently, his career had some problems and he had other problems in addition to the career problem he had as well. so he wasn't able to give his 100% to me. i worried cause he did not pay attention to me as much as he used to. then i called and told him i was worried. he explained his situation and i suggested "time off".

 

however, during the "time off", he has not called or leave me a message. haha. or maybe that's the whole point of time off. but anyway, i thought of breaking up with him. cause it seems like he's not ready for commitment. i still have deep feelings for him but i do not want a relationship which is hanging.

 

i just wondering if i am making the right decision.

 

it hurts me not seeing him and not able to care for him. btw, he's those type of guys which settles things on his own. that's why he does not want to share his problems with me in detail. he does not want to see me worried for him.

 

oh damn i can't stop thinking of him. all help are greatly appreciated.

[clia]

So you suggested "time off" when he had career problems and other things because he couldn't pay as much attention to you?

 

Get real. Anyone you ever date throughout the course of your life is going to have times where they are busy with things that do not concern you. That is part of life. So is occasional overtime and work stress. So are other calamities and things that happen without warning. Any of these things may, for a period of time, take the focus off you. You are asking for something that will never, ever be possible with anyone. How much attention do you need?

 

You say you want to care for him--you can do that by simply being supportive and understanding during this time. You don't need to solve the problem for him--he will deal with that himself. Just be there, and be understanding. That's it. It's only added stress on him when you complain that he isn't paying enough attention to you when he is clearly very busy dealing with other things in his life.

 

How can you possibly know what kind of commitment he is up for after 1 1/2 months together?

[xoxo]

the only reason why i suggested "time off" was because he kept saying that it's unfair for me and he doesn't want to see me worried. i kept saying i'll support him and all but he thinks that he's not doing his part. i assured him. but he still thinks it's unfair for me. so what can i do?

[clia]

it's unfair for me and he doesn't want to see me worried.

 

Because he sees that you are bothered by the lack of attention. Do not be bothered about it. You should be thrilled to have some additional time to do some things for yourself or spend some time with your friends. He is reacting off what you are putting out. By acting worried, concerned, bothered, however you were acting, you implanted the idea in his head that you were not happy. He does not want you to be not happy, so he keeps trying to reassure you that he realizes he is not doing what he needs to be doing.

 

Tell him not to worry anymore, and that you will be shopping and having fun with your girlfriends, and he should call you when he has time.

[xoxo]

Originally posted by clia

He is reacting off what you are putting out. By acting worried, concerned, bothered, however you were acting, you implanted the idea in his head that you were not happy. He does not want you to be not happy, so he keeps trying to reassure you that he realizes he is not doing what he needs to be doing.

 

i think this is so true. thanks for making me feel much better. i think i should really take this "time off" for myself.. until he's ready to come back to me.

[xoxo]

just asking. how long should i let the time off be until i start calling him again? or i should not call him at all?