brianthesnail Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Basically broke up with my GF of 2 years nearly 7 months ago after she cheated on me twice in one weekend. I was, until that point, the only guy she'd been with, or at least as far as im aware! She is the first and only person ive genuinely loved, and i know the same applied at her end, and for a long time we were very much in love. The last few months things kinda drifted apart a little, i felt like i needed space and tried to break it off, but each time she begged me not to and i realised how much i wanted her after all. At first it didnt sink in - i told her i needed space to get my head round the cheating, but as we lived so close and had so many common friends (i live with one of her best friends) it was hard not to see each other. We slept together a couple of times after we broke up, i loved her too much to let go, but i couldnt deal with being around her all the time with my feelings being so up and down. From her perspective it was like i was using her for sex, i understand that, but it genuinely wasnt! I just couldnt get my head straight. We had a big fallout one nite, i ended up getting drunk and sleeping with one of her mates a couple of times, i thought burning bridges would be the best plan to sort things out. How wrong i was! After that we had a big argument, she walked off and afterwards we emailed a few times, i bassically told her how much i missed her and that i still loved her. Trying to prove that despite what id done after, i still cared for her. I also discovered that the night we had the first big fallout, she slept with the guy she cheated on me with, and that theyd been seeing each other on and off for a while since then. We decided no contact was the best plan, the longest we lasted was about 3 weeks! At the end of that, she ended up at mine one night and we slept together, and then stayed in seperate beds. Having talked occasionally since then, she sometimes mentionned things from when we were together, both things we loved, and things she hated about me. Its obvious that she isnt over me completely, as she says it upsets her to talk about it (after she brings it up!) and then generally ends the chat. I get the feeling that part of her wishes it could have been different, but im not sure whether that translates into partly wishing we could try again. The trouble is i don't know exactly how she feels about me, and i have no idea how to find out! I would love to give things a try - i would gladly forget all the bad stuff and move on if i had the chance. I just have no idea how to guage her interest, or make her interested again! I rarely start conversation with her, if she wants to make contact il talk but i leave that up to her. We live in different towns now, so i only see her if we are out with friends we both have. The only way i can see for this to work is for her to see me having fun and chatting up other girls, in the hope that it will make her think about how much she used to enjoy being that girl. Im not really asking whether ot not i should do it, but more how, after all thats happened! Also should add, ive been seeing another girl since all this, on and off, and when my ex found out she made a point of trying to make me drop the new girl one night, so i know at the least that she is jeallous i seem to have moved on. But again, womens psychology is something il never grasp - does that mean she wants me, or is she just doing it to spoil things?! Link to post Share on other sites
BikerBeagle Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 The most obvious question is, WHY?!?! Personally, I see this as a dead end for you. Both of you seem to be hell-bent on destroying each other's self-esteem and, seriously, the total lack of respect either of you have for the other is staggering by sleeping around, with each other, the neighbor's dog ...whatever has a pulse whenever things go bad. Do each other a favor and just let it go. Link to post Share on other sites
me101 Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 How in the world can you really love some one and treat them like this. I agree with biker here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brianthesnail Posted December 17, 2008 Author Share Posted December 17, 2008 Im not proud and nor was she. We both made huge mistakes, we both regret what happened, and i know that for a fact. What happened is history, it made us both realise just how much each we meant to each other, but we were both so angry that we just did what we wanted in the heat of the moment. We are both too hotheaded and passionate - the relationshp was very intense, but that was how we liked it because that was what we wanted. People always say how easily love can turn to hate, in the passion of the anger we lost sight of how much each other really mattered. All that is kinda irrelevant i guess, just wanted to know if anyone has any ideas of beginning to win someone back after a chasm has opened between us. I think that inside she wants it to work out, but we are both afraid of being hurt so badly again. How do i persuade her its worth a try?! Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 You can't trust her due to the cheating. She cheated, which means she doesn't really love you. You cheated in retaliation (bringing yourself down to her level). If I was a betting man I would say this is relationship is forever doomed. Just my 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
nittanylion Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 The trust is no longer existed between you and her. She cheated! You cheated! Both, you and her dont valid this relationship. What is the point of getting back again? Is this the kind of ideal relationship you want? hurting each other over and over again. I think its time to move on, and chalk this up as a life lession. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts