Sandy22 Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 When they want to end a relationship?? Whatever happened to talking about it? I can't even put my finger on why this is the case. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Diamonds&Rust Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 I wonder if it would do us all good to be a little more heartless in our romantic cessations. It seems less cruel to err on the side of clarity considering what the emotional limbo of not-knowing-for-sure does to people. Link to post Share on other sites
lofi_tokyo Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 I think people don't talk about problems because they either figure its something that is not rectifiable, or they don't want to talk about it because they figure the problem is not that big of a deal. They keep it inside for weeks,months,years even, until one day, the problem has been with them so long they realize they're no longer "in love" anymore. At that point, theres no talking about the problem because well, the person has fallen out of love anyways. So.. I guess what I'm saying is, a problem exists, the person with a problem doesn't say anything because they don't want to hurt the other individual or cause drama they deem unnecessary, but unfortunately, keeping feelings bottled up can lead to a gradual falling out of love. It sucks, but its the way it goes I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Diamonds&Rust Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Brilliant analysis. That's how people fall out of love. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 This is such a good question. You know I think it's often out of fear. Fear of confronting the issues that perhaps played a big role in the demise of the R. So in other words, the person becomes mean spirited and shuts you out of thier life in order to try and escape the real reasons for the conflict. Just a thought. Mea:) Link to post Share on other sites
PinkToes Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Also I think that by the time they decide to leave, they don't want to risk bringing up issues that might be resolvable. They don't want to work things out, they want to leave. I had an ex dump me on the phone and then start yelling at me when I asked questions. I was totally calm, just asking. Then he hung up on me. I certainly didn't deserve that, and I always thought that was at the heart of his anger -- that he knew he was hurting me, and couldn't handle the pain he was causing, so he turned it around on me. Just my theory, anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 16, 2008 Share Posted December 16, 2008 Why do people become mean and heartless when they want to end a relationship?? Whatever happened to talking about it? I can't even put my finger on why this is the case. What do you think? Quite often they do talk about it but no one's listening or wants to listen. Whether this is your case, I don't know. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sandy22 Posted December 16, 2008 Author Share Posted December 16, 2008 Quite often they do talk about it but no one's listening or wants to listen. Whether this is your case, I don't know. No, that wasn't the case in my relationship. I even tried to call it off mutually when his family problems seemed unbearable and told him that we didnt have to get married (he made me feel very guilty for trying to do so by the way). Only for him to turn it around when he wanted out. Link to post Share on other sites
Ingenue Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 It's often easier being mean than having to disclose the truth. It's easier to slam the door on a relationship than tell your ex that you no longer love him/her because of X,Y and Z. Some people are cowards in life and take the easy way out because it is convenient and because it hurts the least. It is being selfish and a mode of self-protection. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 No, that wasn't the case in my relationship. I even tried to call it off mutually when his family problems seemed unbearable and told him that we didnt have to get married (he made me feel very guilty for trying to do so by the way). Only for him to turn it around when he wanted out. Was there some loss of trust during this attempted breakup? Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 People become mean and heartless when they end it because they want it to end. Link to post Share on other sites
BikerBeagle Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Also I think that by the time they decide to leave, they don't want to risk bringing up issues that might be resolvable. They don't want to work things out, they want to leave.Exactly what I would've said. Link to post Share on other sites
orangehose Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 1. They really want to leave, and don't want to reason about it. They're beyond the stage of talking it through. So they leave no room for ambivalence. 2. THey've been holding grudges for a long time, and so feel self-righteously justified about their behavior. About whether it's kinder to be cruel (and so not leave someone in limbo), I do think there's a happy medium - i.e., being firm and unambiguous but not being needlessly mean about it. And sure, if the person doesn't "get it" after you've told them politely but firmly, then some jerkiness may be necessary. But at least try the more polite way first. Link to post Share on other sites
skinman Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 When they want to end a relationship?? Whatever happened to talking about it? I can't even put my finger on why this is the case. What do you think? I think a lot of it has to do with making them feel justified in their actions.. when me and my wife split up 2 months ago.. she became a Monster... saying such hateful amd hurtful words that I have never imagined would come from someone who for 16 years i dedicated my life... It helps them feel better about everything by being mean and hurting the other person for their own benefit.... Its sad I never would have thought someone who at one time loved me more than life itself could resort to such hurtfull things for the sake of bringing me down... I feel for people like that... they have to live with their actions and one day the will remember how they treated us.... Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts