alone_confused Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 today was officially 2.5 weeks since NC and 3 weeks since my ex of 3 and half years dumped me. Guess what, i called him, not because i wanted to hear his voice, not because i was desperate to talk to him, or anything like that, a friend he works with told me he was rushed to hospital yesterday, my heart was racing, i didn't know what to do, i was pacing up and down the hallway, should i call, shouldn't i call, what about NC, araah, but i care about him, i was worried sick, i had to know he was at least okay. so i called and no answer, he returned the call 10 minutes later and said he was a sleeping and is everything okay, i said your friend told me about what happened are you okay, he said yeah I'm OK, i have to go into surgery tomorrow, he found out he has stomach ulcers and one burst causing him stomach pain and to vomit blood, he has to get the other couple removed tomorrow. He was very glad to hear from me, he said i miss you everyday then followed it with, like my best friend LOL, i said you know you don't have to keep saying that, i truly understand the feeling is gone and I'm fine with that, cause I'm moving on and I'm happy, the time apart has showed me that we don't work together and that i probably stopped with you for the wrong reasons , he just keep saying, Oh OK, Oh OK, like he was shocked by my response, like he expected me to beg him to come back to me or something. it felt really good to get some of my dignity back, to have some power back, if that makes sense. Truth be known, i still love him, but i am really starting to see that its not meant to be, i could never trust him again, if he fell out of love with me this time, he most likely would again if we tried, I don't need that, i would be constantly looking for signs and signals that he doesn't care again, its tooooooooo much work, for very little outcome, i truly realise this now, i miss him, but thats only natural, when he said i miss you everyday, i said i miss you too, but thats to be expected, i was with you everyday for 3.5years.. It ended by me wishing him all the best for his surgery and to take care of himself, he ending it by saying, i will send you a text tomorrow to let you know it went OK, if thats OKay with you? i said thats fine, he then said, i still hope one day we can be friends, i miss you, i said who knows, maybe one day, but for not i have to do whats best for me, he said i understand, you know where i am if you want to try, i would really love that, i said, i do, thanks. sorry its so long, i know some of you wont agree with me calling him, but i think under the circumstances i had to. Do you think i handled it all okay?? I feel good about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alone_confused Posted December 17, 2008 Author Share Posted December 17, 2008 sigh , sorry I'm posting again, its the only way i can seem to get things off my chest instead of sitting around and thinking non stop. My last post happened probably 4.hours ago, when i called him up, since then I've gone from feeling good to depressed again, I'm so sick of these up and down moods, I felt good for a while, i mean i had to call to see if he was okay, I didn't know what was wrong with him or how serious it was, i didn't know what else to do, i felt pretty good about the way i handled things, but now i just feel sad again, I don't delude myself anymore about him changing his mind or anything like that, its been 3weeks and i know him well enough to know its really over. I guess its my fault for breaking NC after all, i was just stuck what to do, there is no doubt i still love him alot, even though logic tells me its not meant to be, and its over, the feelings remain. I actually feel like crying, but I'm trying not to, i know some say thats not a good thing, but once i start i cant seem to stop and i just feel worse after it. I just feels like no one is going to get me, understand me, like he did, i have been speaking to a few guys on line, purely in a friendship sense, and the chat is nice until they say something i don't like, and then i think, ohhhh thats a quality i cant stand in a person, its like a fault finding. I'm rambling sorry, i guess i just feel like I'm back to day one of the break up again, even though we had a really nice chat, no harsh words or anything, we laughed and chatted, it was nice actually, but i guess it reminded me later, what i miss. my head is all over the place, thanks for reading Link to post Share on other sites
Author alone_confused Posted December 17, 2008 Author Share Posted December 17, 2008 Ok I'm still going on sorry , But i finally just realised what upsets me the most, it happened when we first broke up too, we were on limited contact a couple of phone chats and thats when i decided to go NC, the reason is, he sounds just like he did for most the relationship, happy, chatty and very talkative, he isn't bragging about anything, it could be family drama's or stuff like that, but he is telling me with such enthusiasm and excitement. he wasn't like that for the last 5 or 6 months of our relationship, it was just generally hi , how are you, whats happening, let put on a DVD, say 10 words and the night is over, repeat day in day out, times i spoke he wasn't even listening, he was off with the fairies somewhere, which goes to show me how truly unhappy he was being with me, he obviously didn;t want to be there anymore, but stayed out of duty or guilt or whatever reasons he had, yet his unhappiness was obvious, then he ends it with me, the pressure is lifted and he is free to be himself again.. What a great feeling this is, to finally work out just how miserable he felt with me, i must have been a really terrible girlfriend, lover and person in general for him to switch like that, it just makes me feel so worthless and foolish to finally work all this out, i don't even know why i bother. thanks again for listening and I'm really sorry about all the posts, i don't want to come across as one of this people that just go on and on, but I'm just letting this stuff out. Link to post Share on other sites
BikerBeagle Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 He wants to give you the impression that he has 'moved on' (and, maybe he actually has, although I'd doubt it after only 3 weeks, it is usually a 'face'). This is the same advice we'd give you, had you asked before calling him ...act chipper and happy - whether or not you actually feel it. It's a game ...it's a race to see which person can convince the other that they've 'moved on' and 'be happy' first ...that's the person who ultimately 'wins' the war. Link to post Share on other sites
Jenny123 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 I think you did the right thing getting in touch, life is too short. GOOD FOR YOU. Stop putting all the blame on yourself-it takes two. U are unique:0 This relationship doesn't sound completely closed for either of you. GOOD LUCK:) Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong in what you did. I think you handled yourself quite well! Link to post Share on other sites
openbook08 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 for what its worth i wouldve called too and you handled yourself beautifully! i know how you feel, with the high coming off the call - you were dignified, mature... and then the rush of sadness that comes after. like rewinding right back to square one eh? return to NC now, what will be will be. im sure if theres (God forbid) any complications or anything you need to know someone will seek you out, so just in case he doesnt text you tomorrow id just leave it. he knows you care but youre not his nurse either if you get me? hope youre not feelin too sad this evening Link to post Share on other sites
Author alone_confused Posted December 18, 2008 Author Share Posted December 18, 2008 Thank you all for the posts, I'm glad people agree i did the right thing under the circumstances. Well its 9pm here and his was operation was meant to happen today sometime, though on the phone yesterday he was it was meant to happen yesterday but they cancelled and made it for today, I didn't hear a thing from him, after he stated "i will text you today sometime to let you know it went OK" WTH, there is only one of 3 possible reasons he didn't text, 1) They cancelled it again , though i still feel he could have let me know. 2) There was some complications, (god hope not) 3) he forgot, or didn't care to. I took openbook08' advice and didn't text him, though I'm worried, he knows I'm the worrying kind. so i think this is just bullsh*t if he just decided not to, or forget whatever, he is begging to be friends etc, yet he doesn't stick to his word, grrrr, I don't want to be harsh in case something went wrong, do you think i should text or call him? or believe i should leave it alone? Link to post Share on other sites
hereandnow Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 I'd say leave it alone for now. If the surgery was supposed to be today he might be recovering, high as a kite, or asleep. Maybe all three. As for him sounding so happy, I would concur that it's probably the "who's happier game." I don't think it's because he's so happy now that he's free. I wouldn't worry yourself about that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alone_confused Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 Thanks again, well he finally text me this morning at 11am, the day after the op his text said; Hi (my name), Just letting you know my op went well, I'm a bit sore but otherwise good, speak to you soon, take care, xxx My reply OK good, take care. Do you think my response was a little bit bitchy? i wanted to ask if he needed anything, if he needed me to bring him anything, but someone mentioned in the posts that i' not his nurse anymore., ahhhh so hard to know what to do. I would really appreciate your advice right now:( Link to post Share on other sites
ashley83 Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 I think that was a perfect text back to him. Please stick with NC!!!!!!! You don't feel it now and you feel like crap but things will feel ok in time. Trust me please. I was in your shoes a couple years ago. I got over him and am over him and moved on, and he's actually calling me, no joke. There is no disadvantage to NC, and I had my moments in the beginning of contacting him, and feeling stupid and horrible thinking that it would make me feel better, and it didn't....but things got better. I recovered, saw joy in life without him, even got a new boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alone_confused Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 I think that was a perfect text back to him. Please stick with NC!!!!!!! You don't feel it now and you feel like crap but things will feel ok in time. Trust me please. I was in your shoes a couple years ago. I got over him and am over him and moved on, and he's actually calling me, no joke. There is no disadvantage to NC, and I had my moments in the beginning of contacting him, and feeling stupid and horrible thinking that it would make me feel better, and it didn't....but things got better. I recovered, saw joy in life without him, even got a new boyfriend. Thanks Ashley, and now i have had time to think about it, i tend to agree, I'm back to NC, I've said nothing else since my last text, he isn;t my concern anymore, he decided that. Link to post Share on other sites
openbook08 Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 hi aloneconfused youre playin a blinder girl keep it up stick with NC & even if he does text you again re:operation take your time replying youre a superfly chick too busy for life Link to post Share on other sites
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