To share or not to share

[WoozyFeeling]

Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum and I hope you guys can share some wisdom on my situation. First of all, let me apologize for it being a long text.

 

I met her two years ago in a summer program to learn chinese. At that time she had a boyfriend. When we first met I felt an ease around her, we talk as if we've known each other for a long time right from the start. I respect her situation and did not flirt with her. I still wanted to get to know her so we develop a friendship. We travelled together with other friends visiting places in China, my feelings for her eventually grew but knew I couldn't act out of my feelings because of her status.

 

She went back home when the program ended, I stayed in China to work and keep on learning mandarin. We've emailed form time to time to catch up on each other. This summer while I was still in Beijing, she told me that after she graduates she'll come back to Beijing to keep on learning mandarin. She also mentioned that she broke up with her boyfriend. I still chose not to share about my feelings for her because it was a long relationship and we were miles apart.Thus being a friend was more important at the moment. Due to family problem and work interests conflict I came back home as well (this mid oct).

 

Now this is where I need your wisdom of what do to. We both have busy life but find time to see each other when possible. The first time I saw her I felt like something changed. When we talked to each other our eyes would lock on, never look elsewhere. I've been flirted with her but progressing things slowly because it's been 3 months she's single (out of a 3 yrs rlnship) so I didn't want to be the rebound kind of guy. One night she threw a big party at her place, I got pretty drunk and let myself loose and we got closer. The next morning we all went for breakfast, I felt out of place since its all her friends, was pretty silent but felt comfort and peace locking in her eyes. Two days later I came back to her place because I forgot "my things", she would mention how she is throwing all things about her ex away. Telling me how she felt bad kissing a guy during that party,. The funny things is that it's the same guy who gave me a ride home the next morning and he told me about how it didn't work with a girl that night. Anyways, I dunno if she meant to tell me this as a friend or a sign she's giving me. I needed to investigate so I suggested we "hang out" (so wasn't direct about asking for a date) and had a nice dinner, again always locking on eachother eyes, I was starting to think that maybe she is interested in me as the same way I've been all this time. Sadly, I've been very busy lately with work and xmas shopping. One day I called her for another night out but sadly she told me she was back in her hometown (3 hrs away from me), since holidays is coming up soon.

 

She's leaving soon for x'mas holiday on vacation with her family so I won't get to see her. Although I'll get to see her next year for a short period before she goes to China (mid february). I think I'm falling for her, but is it because I can't have her? She'll be gone for half a yr which isn't that bad. She told me how she was looking forward to travel to Japan with me but was sad I wouldn't be coming back to China. I've been having many sleepless nights because I dunno if I would share or not about my feelings. I'm a reformed player ever since I got to know her. I never had any serious relationship, never wanted to commit. But I've never felt like this before. I mean I want her, but at the same time I dunno if she's rdy for something meaningful. So I tell myself maybe it's better I dont say anything, let her be in China maybe she'll meet someone special. The thought about it doesn't break my heart, I mean I'll be glad she finds happiness. All I care really is that she stays in my life. And if its only as just friends then so it be.

 

What is your thoughts about this? I'm afraid if I don't say anything she'll just think I wasn't that interested. Think that I see her just as a friend. However, like I mentioned before, I've been patient with her ever since we met, so should I just wait until she gets back? I would feel so stupid to make a sudden move just because I'm saddened by thinking about the upcoming long distance that will separate us again.

 

To those that read until now I thank you, it already makes it easier for me to sleep tonight just typing it out.

[norajane]

Kiss her when you see her before she goes to China. It's not the right time to start a romantic relationship, but it will give her something to think about while she's gone. At some point, when you lock eyes again, kiss her. And then kiss her again.

 

Show her how you feel, with a kiss - don't tell her.

[WoozyFeeling]

You're right it should be this simple as well. It's just a kiss. My last gf didn't take it well when I broke up with her. I liked her a lot and wanted to give the kind of love she deserved, but it the end I knew I couldn't force myself to love her. Her life fell apart little by little and sadly later on she committed suicide.

 

I've had a hard time dealing with this ever since. Girls that I get interested it, I'm afraid to invest myself in the physical aspect. Maybe it's too soon for me to move on? But I can't help myself but being crazy about this girl. I guess I just have to tell her next time why I'm sending mixed signals.