can't meet her needs

[Jerry]

This is a bit embarrassing to talk about but, I have not been able to sexually satisfy my wife for about six months due in part to a freak accident. We were fooling around in the bathtub one night and afterwards, as my wife was trying to step out of the tub she slipped and accidentally kicked me. She hit me square in the nuts with a force that I wouldn't have thought possible from someone who weighs only 100 pounds. The pain was excruciating and since then, I have not been able to get my passion up, so to speak. My doctor said everything should be ok and I just need to give it time. My wife who is also 35 was very frustrated and depressed that we couldn't have sex. I've been told that women at this age experience their sexual peak, and now I can't help her fulfill her desires. Recently this young guy moved into the apartment next to us, and since then, I started noticing a change in my wife. She became much more cheery and upbeat. She seemed much more satisfied just being affectionate with me without the sex. She would tell me how much she loved me, and how happy she was to have me. Then, after overhearing a conversation my wife was having with this new neighbor of ours, I discovered that she has been meeting her sexual needs with him. At first I was very angry and was trying to decide what I should say to her or whether I should leave her or what. Then it hit me, I loved her too much to leave her, and if I truly loved her, I should want what makes her happy. She seems much happier these days and who was I to deny her the pleasures of life that I couldn't fulfill. It hurts me that I can't be the one, but at least I have someone I can come home to and cuddle with at night. So far, she is not aware that I know and she tries to be discrete about it. I act as though I assume their relationship is strictly one of friendship. I would like to tell her I know and it's ok, but she may think I'm saying that because I don't love her. In truth I do love her at it hurts knowing that she is making love to another guy, but it also hurt me to see her depressed and frustrated before she met him. She thinks she is keeping a secret, but it is I who am keeping the secret. Are some things best unsaid?

[Tony T]

Some things are actually better left unsaid...to a point. If this goes on for months, your wife could easily develop more than just a sexual appetite for this guy's keysters. She is playing with a loaded gun with what she is doing. She is the one that socked you in the nuts, she is the one that inflicted this whole episode upon both of you, yet she has no problem going out and getting herself satisfied while you just heal. I feel your pain!!!

 

If you are absolutely sure of what is going on, keep silent for a bit longer...see if you get back to normal. If you don't, let her know in a kind, loving way that you do not consider her behavior acceptable. Part of being a married couple is being faithful in SICKNESS and in health, and having her kick you right in the balls classified as real SICKNESS.

 

Keeping silent, if you are able to pull that off, could save a lot of head stuff that both of you don't need to go through. But everyone has a limit and when you've reached yours, make your move. If you do get better, hopefully your previous level of lovemaking can restore itself. I personally feel that if she is actually doing what you feel she is, it is creating more damage to your relationship than are your screwed up gonads.

 

I keep having visions of Mrs. Bobbit wacking off her husband's family thing and then running to the guy next door for a quickie...do I have an imagination or what???

 

By the way, I hope you get better soon.

[Nicky]

Some things are actually better left unsaid...to a point. If this goes on for months, your wife could easily develop more than just a sexual appetite for this guy's keysters. She is playing with a loaded gun with what she is doing. She is the one that socked you in the nuts, she is the one that inflicted this whole episode upon both of you, yet she has no problem going out and getting herself satisfied while you just heal. I feel your pain!!! If you are absolutely sure of what is going on, keep silent for a bit longer...see if you get back to normal. If you don't, let her know in a kind, loving way that you do not consider her behavior acceptable. Part of being a married couple is being faithful in SICKNESS and in health, and having her kick you right in the balls classified as real SICKNESS. Keeping silent, if you are able to pull that off, could save a lot of head stuff that both of you don't need to go through. But everyone has a limit and when you've reached yours, make your move. If you do get better, hopefully your previous level of lovemaking can restore itself. I personally feel that if she is actually doing what you feel she is, it is creating more damage to your relationship than are your screwed up gonads. I keep having visions of Mrs. Bobbit wacking off her husband's family thing and then running to the guy next door for a quickie...do I have an imagination or what??? By the way, I hope you get better soon.

Hi

 

What an awful situation for you.

 

This is a first actually. I do not agree with Tony, which is unusual. I can empathize with your wife's frustrations, but you did both take the vows, in sickness and in health.

 

And as the doctor said, you just need a bit of time.

 

I think you ought to talk to your wife immediately. You have been extremely understanding and selfless to this point. My main concern is that you start sleeping with somebody, and can you ever switch your feelings off? Women become (I believe)more emotionally involved earlier, by and large, when they start sleeping with somebody. I fear she will start developing feelings for him, if she hasn't already. Men are not like this, you tend to have the ability to switch off much more, and so it's "just sex". I don't know many women who are like that.

 

At the end of the day, you want her to come back to you.

 

It's not quite the same as lovemaking, but there are plenty of other ways of getting sexual pleasure. All I can suggest is you try these avenues some more.

 

I hope you get well soon, and all the best.

[Nicky]

Hi What an awful situation for you. This is a first actually. I do not agree with Tony, which is unusual. I can empathize with your wife's frustrations, but you did both take the vows, in sickness and in health. And as the doctor said, you just need a bit of time. I think you ought to talk to your wife immediately. You have been extremely understanding and selfless to this point. My main concern is that you start sleeping with somebody, and can you ever switch your feelings off? Women become (I believe)more emotionally involved earlier, by and large, when they start sleeping with somebody. I fear she will start developing feelings for him, if she hasn't already. Men are not like this, you tend to have the ability to switch off much more, and so it's "just sex". I don't know many women who are like that. At the end of the day, you want her to come back to you. It's not quite the same as lovemaking, but there are plenty of other ways of getting sexual pleasure. All I can suggest is you try these avenues some more. I hope you get well soon, and all the best.

Hi again

 

Just another thought. I don't know how you will resolve your current situation. However I do think that communication is crucial in relationships. Would it not be best to get this out in the open anyway? Even if the current situation continues, I think it best discussed and agreed upon, than sneaking around. You have feelings too, and in your shoes, I would prefer things out in the open.

 

Still, that's me. Only you know what's best for you and your wife.

 

All the best

[Mary]

I can not believe this. I know that sex is important in a relationship, but it is not right that your wife is getting her physical needs taken care of by another man.

 

Theye is no way that she is going to be able to split her love for you, and her physical relationship with another man. She will eventually leave you for him.

 

I think she is extremely selfish to do this. Whatever happened to 'in sickness and in health'? How about being physical without intercourse?

 

I think you should get in contact with a therapist. This is a totally unhealthy situation that could end up with 3 people hurt.

[Brooke]

This is a bit embarrassing to talk about but, I have not been able to sexually satisfy my wife for about six months due in part to a freak accident. We were fooling around in the bathtub one night and afterwards, as my wife was trying to step out of the tub she slipped and accidentally kicked me. She hit me square in the nuts with a force that I wouldn't have thought possible from someone who weighs only 100 pounds. The pain was excruciating and since then, I have not been able to get my passion up, so to speak. My doctor said everything should be ok and I just need to give it time. My wife who is also 35 was very frustrated and depressed that we couldn't have sex. I've been told that women at this age experience their sexual peak, and now I can't help her fulfill her desires. Recently this young guy moved into the apartment next to us, and since then, I started noticing a change in my wife. She became much more cheery and upbeat. She seemed much more satisfied just being affectionate with me without the sex. She would tell me how much she loved me, and how happy she was to have me. Then, after overhearing a conversation my wife was having with this new neighbor of ours, I discovered that she has been meeting her sexual needs with him. At first I was very angry and was trying to decide what I should say to her or whether I should leave her or what. Then it hit me, I loved her too much to leave her, and if I truly loved her, I should want what makes her happy. She seems much happier these days and who was I to deny her the pleasures of life that I couldn't fulfill. It hurts me that I can't be the one, but at least I have someone I can come home to and cuddle with at night. So far, she is not aware that I know and she tries to be discrete about it. I act as though I assume their relationship is strictly one of friendship. I would like to tell her I know and it's ok, but she may think I'm saying that because I don't love her. In truth I do love her at it hurts knowing that she is making love to another guy, but it also hurt me to see her depressed and frustrated before she met him. She thinks she is keeping a secret, but it is I who am keeping the secret. Are some things best unsaid? Are you serious? Do you remember your wedding vows....forsaking all others..for better or worse? Your wife is cheating and you think that is okay?! So you and your wife have had a sexual set back, why is she not by your side and comforting what must be upsetting to you (not being able to satisfy your sexual needs). She is the one who caused the set back. Why is she not helping you deal with it. Your wife should be focusing on you, and doing all she can to get the family jewels sparkling again, not the neighbors!